He has a crazy ex?

I've been dating this guy, rob, for 6 months now. Things are fantastic and we're so happy together :) However!!! He has a CRAY ex! They're not divorced, but they've been separated for almost 4 years and live in different states. But she still calls and texts him LITERALLY 30+ times a day! And she is so inconsiderate and a totally bitch to him :( he also pays for her phone bill and medical insurance. As well as sends her $400/month. This blows me away. She is too lazy to get a job (she is intelligent and very capable). Rob is afraid to divorce her because he's afraid she'll commit suicide or just completely go insane (I personally think she's already there). When they were together, she hoarded things and never had a job. They were together for 17 years and have no kids.
My question- I've been very tolerant of her behavior and haven't said much to rob. He wants to move in together and talks years into our future. But it's gotten to the point that I want his wife out of my life. He cares about her health and wellbeing, but there's a limit to generosity... Especially when all she does is put him down and manipulate him. How can I talk to him about this? It's starting to affect our relationship and his wellbeing. She obviously needs professional help. Any suggestions? I wouldn't normally stick around with this much "baggage," but we have a great connection and it hurts me to see him suffer because of her constant belittling.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are well within your right to tell him to nip it with his ex. She's manipulating him so he'll keep on enabling her to be a pathetic loser leech. I'm sure he means well, but while he's catering to her, he's ignoring your feelings.

    It's one thing to be compassionate, but it's another to just blatantly enable someone and allow them to remain a cancer on your existing relationship.

    No, you tell him he needs to think about whats more important. He can encourage her to get help, but he needs to legally divorce her and get her permanently out of YOUR lives.

    Good luck.

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    • You are right, he is totally enabling her crazy psychotic behavior. I Need to bring up our situation soon, as I feel like it will just get worse and harder to handle..

    • You're absolutely correct in that things will only get worse, and as long as this nut has your man thinking he needs to ask how how high every time this woman says jump, then she'll see no reason to relent.

      That's a sick cycle that needs to end and end soon. You deserve better than that and he needs to understand and appreciate that. He can't take care of someone who refuses to take care of herself, and ultimately he's going to need to cut the cord on that and not feel responsible.

      It's uncomfortable, but you're going to have to put your foot down and make him choose. Just make sure you're willing to walk if he's too afraid to cut ties with his nut ex, because this will not get any better as long as he's still playing house with her.

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What Guys Said 1

  • WOW ( in stereo !!! ) yea , you really need to get beatch zilla out of y'all's future before it makes it impossible for you two to stay together. He had to be put down most of or all of the time they were together , and for some unknown reason he still feels responsible for her and that's not good at all. He is enable ing her , if she sees no reason to change , she won't. From what I read , you really haven't expressed your feelings about this to him.

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    • He definitely still feels responsible for her! How do I talk to him about this? What and how do I say that he needs to cut her out of his life for good?

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    • Great advice! Thanks you! :)

    • I hope it will be of use to you young Lady

What Girls Said 1

  • I'd move on. Too much unnecessary baggage.

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