I did something really awful to someone I loved who loved me and I could really use some serious, heartfelt, constructive advice. : ( Please help?

I put my hands on the first man I have ever romantically loved, the only man who has ever seen my naked body...
Long story short: He spent a year accumulating heartache for me and putting me through intense depression with his sneaky, shady, slutty nonsense. It took so much out of me being loyal to him, believing in him, and having faith in him no matter what he did as well as giving him undeserved, unearned chances. I finally kicked him out of my life after he turned his back on me when a family member of mine pulled a knife on me. I was moving on with my life, living in an amazing apartment, and apart of amazing dance conerts and a political art installation when he came back begging me for another chance. I gave him one against everyone's suggestsions and he dumped me for not moving on quickly enough over his shady shit. The following week, he puts my life in danger with a road rage incident where we got into a minor car accident. The next day, I find out he was FB friends with the whores who caused trust issues in the first place.

So I go to his house simply seeking totality and truth. I made sure he got his closure immediately so I was hoping he would return the courtesy. Instead, he had a nasty, rude, dismissive attitude and said "I'm going to say these two sentnces and then I'm done with this convo. I'm sick of this." When he interrupted me and kicked me out loudly so his neighbors could hear, I lost it and smacked the f*ck out of him. A physical altercation ensued. He pushed me and shoved me saying "If you hit me like a man, you're gonna get hit like a man." He ended up with bruises on his chest and legs. I'm feeling awful because the only other person to put bruises on him like that was a soldier in Libya who tortured him. : ( I don't know what to do. Every fiber of my being wants to fix this, but what is there left to fix? I've apolgozied and let him vilify me for the sake of soothing his anger despite his wrongdoings... I'm so stuck. Please help?

Updates:
Can't get this off my mind. I just want to go over there and tend to his bruises, kiss all over them, hug him, let him scream and yell at me... whatever will make it better. Yes, he was a shady asshole but he shouldn't have bruises on him. I am overwhelmed with guilt. I want to take his pain away. I wish I could have his bruises on my body instead. I'd go through a million mes and what I did that day if it meant the memory could be erased from him ; (

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm glad you feel really bad for physically assaulting someone, but that does not give him the right to physically assault you back. He was being belligerent, offensive, rude and emotionally abuse and you snapped, lost your cool and had a knee-jerk reaction out of anger and frustration.

    You told him you were sorry, but let's talk about this for a minute: First of all, he's made your live a living hell full of misery and distrust. He uses you at his convenience, then disappears after emotionally beating you up with nonsense, after he's the one being deviant in your relationship.

    He's not stable, he's mentally confused and needs help. I'm sure what he went through in Libya was awful, but that wasn't your fault, and you have to accept that.

    You are displaying signs of a victim of abuse, who feels bad simply for trying to stand up for herself while the other person does his best to make you feel that way.

    Be done with him for good and try and seek help. I'm not making fun of you, either. I'm very serious. You sound like a really good person, and you need to be treated with more respect. You can start by forgiving and respecting yourself. Give yourself time to heal from this horrible experience and learn to establish your own boundaries of what you will and will not accept from this point forward. Then you need to stand by those boundaries without compromise, unless you want to attract this same shit over and over again.

    Please do not go see this man. You owe him nothing. You had a bad moment where you lost your self control, but it's understandable. I'm not an advocate of you hitting him, but you simply snapped after all he put you through.

    Please take my advice and stay away from this man. He's a danger to your mental and physical health, and he's going to have to fix his issues on his own.

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    • I feel horrible. I can't stop crying. Can't believe he has bruises on his body because of me. It's tearing my heart apart. I would have given my life for this man if he needed it and I was the one to hurt him... I can't take this guilt

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    • I was wrong but I was sick of feeling like some miserable, helpless victim. Felt like I had to outdo his assholeness for the sake of standing up for myself.

    • Well, now you've recognized that, you can move on and use your really horrible experience as what you do NOT want in a relationship. You can also look back and see what you can do to avoid letting things get this bad. When a person demonstrates negative behavioral patterns (red flags), you MUST pay attention to them and in most cases, that's when it's time to end things. As you allow things to continue, your feelings and emotions become too entrenched, so instead you'll put up with pain and misery, which is silly, but happens to most of us.

      Now, what you're going to have to promise yourself is to avoid falling for his con game when he comes calling (which he will). Hopefully he'll wait long enough for you to have moved on either with someone else, or have had enough time to heal to where all you see is a deranged man who is now very unattractive to you.

      Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • There will always be those who mean to do us harm to stop them we risk awaking the same evil within ourselves

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  • Don't sweat it, it sounds like he is a total ass and deserved to have his ass kicked

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  • Follow your heart.

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    • My heart wants to go spend as much money as it takes on a healing kit, meet up with him give him a big hug, gently caress his bruises, apologize a million times, let him see my tears of remorse, hug him some more a little tighter this time, kiss his bruises... even though we're not together. I feel awful.
      This is a man I nurtured, loved, and protected for two years of my life and I did the same thing to him that a Libyan soldier did. I completely lost myself feeding my anger... I don't know what to do...

    • Can't get this off my mind.
      He's not talking to me after our three hour long intense, passionate, feeling-consumed textonversation yesterday. He's probably just feeling hurt and shocked and I just don't know what to do

    • It's over. Move on. Relationship is like a glass. It can be fixed but it will never be the same.

What Girls Said 1

  • I feel he deserved it

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