Guys, What is he thinking?

Was dating a guy... he wanted to move faster than I did. I really liked him so I moved at his pace. Everything was good for a couple of months. We spent a lot of time together, went on trips, met family. The only thing I noticed was that he was really insecure. I think he was constantly worried that I was going to break up with him at any minute. The week before we broke up was pretty emotional. It was on again and off mainly because of his insecurities. We went to a concert where he was entertaining some clients. I had a little too much to drink, got into an argument with him. Basically, I embarrassed him in front of his clients. I felt horrible. On the way home he told me that he fell in love with me and he couldn't believe I had done that. It wasn't all my fault by the way but I took responsibility. He broke it off the next morning and told me to never contact him again. I didn't. I left him alone and a couple of days later he started reaching out to me. He said he can't forgive me but he doesn't want me out of his life. He kept insisting we be friends on Facebook? I told him no. If we can move forward, we need to cut off all communication and move on. He got really upset, told me to go away again. Then he sent me another friend request on facebook? He won't even meet me to talk but he still wants me in his life and still wants some connection to me? I know at this point that things aren't going to work out but its driving me crazy trying to figure this out. He says that I'm turning this around and now I'm the one leaving him. He said I was easy to fall for but hard to get over. He sent me some song saying that he was going to make me miss him and he won't be that easy to leave. He broke up with me! I told him that I wasn't going to play games and to not message me again. He emailed me a song last night about how he is better as a memory than as my man? LOL What in the world is going on with this guy. Please help. Thanks in advance!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is most likely a by-product of his insecurities. He wanted to be the one to leave you - the fact that he could leave a pretty girl because she disrespected him probably made him feel like he was a 'somebody'. But you accepted it, as you should, which completely undermined his power play and has now turned what was initially something that would have made him feel good about himself into something that is now making him feel bad about himself. His backtracking and attempts to win you back into his life push him further and further into a cycle of rejection, and he will want you to come crawling back to him to end that cycle and make him feel dominant again. It is a mind game, and he tried to bluff and lost.

    The thing is, you have been handling this the correct way. You need to NOT be friends on facebook, you need to not communicate. You need to cut each other off and get on with things. He is probably continuing to try because the door seems open a crack. You tell him to stop, yet you seem to respond when he does something. That will just encourage him to keep trying so he can 'win'.

    I would suggest cutting ties completely, blocking him if you have to, not responding if something gets through, and just moving on. He tried to be the dominant one, had it flipped around on him, and now he's scrambling to put himself back on top. And he will keep trying until he succeeds, or until he realizes he's blocked and you are not playing his little mind games any more.

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    • Okay, that makes sense. Not necessarily what I wanted to hear but I did get the feeling that it was a power struggle. I know it's not going to work but I guess I wanted to believe that maybe he still cared about me? I just don't understand how me being his facebook friend will help him win? lol I think he wants me to see the mean things that he's posting about me... He posted "Beauty without class is like a Monet on a napkin" lol I'll give him this, that was clever but I don't think my character should be insulted because of one argument.

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    • You are very welcome. I have no problem answering a series of questions, though I find it easier to deal with the back and forth using pm's than a long spiralling conversation through opinion comments in an unrelated question, lol. But don't worry about it being a 'last one'. This is a website devoted to questions, opinions and advice.

      What you'll want to think about is why you need to understand how he felt about you. Don't look for external validation like that... it leads to emotional instability. However, you asked, so... if you were dating for a couple of months, and meeting friends and family, then yes. He would have cared for you in some way. In what way though... who knows. It may have been only physical. It may have been something about your mind, or your personality. Maybe something in the way you smile. Maybe you just both love the same movies. But there was some kind of attraction, obviously, or it wouldn't have got that far.

    • Lol... I agree but it wouldn't let me send you a private message. I agree, I shouldn't see validation. I think I'm just trying to pick this whole situation apart so that I can learn from it and move on...

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What Guys Said 3

  • Well, he broke up with you, but it sounds like it was because you showed disrespect toward him in front of his colleagues at the least or humiliated him at the worst. From what you write it sounds like he is crazy about you, but that you really hurt him. But, you wrote a lot, so I may be wrong someone in there.

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  • Honestly, it sounds like he is immature and wants you to live in a limbo of hell (e. g. being friends with a guy who wants you to want him and vice versa, but won't even meet with you). That is no way to live and you would be better off ending all communication with him. Also, perhaps you embarrassed him, but it takes 2 people to argue and he could just as easily defused the situation until later.

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  • he's needy and fragile. If a girl broke up with me I would okay and start a relationship with the next one.

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