I had strong reasons to believe that my friends GF was cheating on him and now he holds it against me, what do you think & what should I do?

(I'll make this vague but detailed, this took place within a months time span and I'll share the more important facts.)

I overheard two girls talking about my friends GF, they said that she had been saying she was single and lying about being in a relationship. They were unaware that I knew both the people they were talking about (so they were completely candid).

The 1st thing I did was ask the brother who lived with them, he felt something was off, he said they were always apart and she was always going out.

Then I told the GF what I heard, her response was robotic (hard to explain almost like fake disbelief).

Then I talked to one of the girls, she gave me more details of cheating, when and where.

A silent feud started and I became the messenger in a war of words, I got more details from the other girl, things eventually got more heated then the shit hit the fan.

- There's evidence going against both sides, proving her innocence and proving she was cheating (I'll never know because no one confessed) the GF might be innocent because I think living a double life is too difficult for her because she's terrible at hiding her emotions.

I had a talk with both of them privately to reslove the issue, I actually managed to work things out... or so I thought.

Eventually after several months they broke up, he said he felt her growing apart for the last few months (that conveniently match up with the incident)

After a few more months I tried talking to my friend about it but he refused and was reluctant and said it was all good... until I found out he fucked me over on a business deal (he told a mutual friend and it got back to me) and the reason for it was because I believed the rumors that I heard about his GF.

So now I'm not talking to that friend because I'm pissed that I ended up the bad guy because I overheard a fucking conversation & I'm not sure if I want to repair the friendship.

I just wish I knew the truth for my intuition's sake.

  • She was cheating and he's an idiot in denail
    Vote A
  • She was innocent and those girls were bitches
    Vote B
  • Either or he has a right to be mad at me for meddling in his business and I have to learn to deal with it & work things out
    Vote C
  • Doesn't matter I was the sacrificial goat hung on a cross because of some devious cunts
    Vote D
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Updates:
Kind of surprised by the poll so far...
haha, I misspelled "denial" and called him an idiot in the same sentence.
I was wrong about everything... she was innocent!!!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well.. on the one hand, you were being a nice samaritan to the friend you care about. And obviously you don't want to see your friend being hurt. So obviously you took action.
    BUT, was it really your baggage to deal with?

    I had two friends who started dating each other. At one point, the guy comes to me and randomly talks about some other girl and how he finds her so cute n stuff. I was like... waaaaaat? What about his GF? The next thing I know, after a few months, one day she just starts crying and buries herself into me. I never asked her why though. I felt that she was going through a bad time, but if she had to talk, she'd talk. Maybe I should've asked. But I just didn't want to pry into her life. Maybe cos I didn't want her to pry into mine.
    Basically, I didn't tell A about B and B about A cos it was their relationship and they knew it better than me. Now they broke up, and it was eventual. You saw it coming, she saw it coming.

    It's true, in your case, it would've been nice if things got sorted. After all, she was just some random girl he started dating. You didn't know about her. Sometimes direct confrontation is nice. But other times, better indirect. Instead of telling either party about the rumours, what if you just asked her how she felt about him and he about her? How they deal with each other is upto them.

    "She broke up with him because she said she wanted to figure out who she is and find her identity and everyone thinks she just wants to see other people"
    - I think seeing other people is also a way of finding more about yourself.

    Talk to your friend. Just tell him you were looking out for him. Ask him if he felt like you were diggin too deep.

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    • There's so much more to this then what I shared but I will add this...

      - She wasn't some random girl he was dating, you could almost say she was his high school sweetheart because he had know her for years.

      - They were working together, we all were. Everyone involved had a job at the same place so it was constantly in my face.

      - I was trying to become her friend and when you hear things like I heard it's extremely upsetting, I was also interested in one of the other girls involved in the war of words.

      - We would goof around and jokingly cat call to each other, and quite a few times it felt like we weren't joking. (I really hate to say this but I was pretty tempted)

      - They're still friends and hangout.

      - And lastly she was seeing another guy at the same time when she 1st started dating my friend so... that might destroy her credibility for being innocent.

      In my opinion I think all the girls were lying in some way to make themselves look better and were embellishing truths.

    • Show All
    • Thank you

      ... She didn't reject the friend request I canceled it after 4 or so days but that's FB and I don't take any of that shit seriously, so I don't know.

      I'm working on making myself better right now, and I think there are better things to pursue (and less dangerous too). We sadly had more chemistry then her and him, we are more like minded people and seemed more compatible but I did accuse her of sleeping around (which I'm uncertain if it was true or not) so that's not very compelling or attractive (and the lack of trust going both ways).

      I guess it doesn't matter what's in the coffin I should just bury it and be done with it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't poke into other people's lives.

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What Girls Said 3

  • You definitely got too involved. You should've just told your friend "hey I heard somethings about your girlfriend, don't know if they are true or not and you should talk to her" not have been the go-between for 3 plus people. Things get misinterpreted and misconstrued too easily that way. However, you were doing your best to protect and help your friend. He should understand that and be more forgiving of you.

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    • He doesn't view it a protection just betrayal, which is funny because he has betrayed me multiple times without best intentions.

      I kind of want to lets this die because it's almost been a year since this all went down, BUT if this situation comes up again I might be tempt to force him to reevaluate what occurred because there never was a doubt in his mind that what I heard was true so he has always viewed it as me causing problems were there wasn't any (and he also viewed it as me attacking her), even though everything that happened afterwards played out exactly the way it would if it was true, because;

      - She broke up with him because she said she wanted to figure out who she is and find her identity and everyone thinks she just wants to see other people.

      - after it happened I apologized and said I was wrong but in hindsight it looks more & more like I was right, especially when people heard the full story.

      - I think he's loveblind, he thinks she's amazing when she's just alright.

    • I'm sorry that you have a shit friend. If he doesn't get that you were just trying to help then he doesn't deserve a friend like you

  • I don't know. Probably just shoulda left them be and sort it out themselves. I understand you were just tryna protect ya friend and all. He should buck up.

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  • Honestly, I think you got too involved in it all. You say you just "overheard a fucking conversation" but it seems you did much more than that. You should have just told your friend and not tried to find the truth on your own. Should have left it all up to him. Anyway, what's done is done.

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    • There's more to this story then what I shared, I find it funny that I'm the one probably the most jaded and bitter by it all.

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