Girls, how do I get her back?

Things have been very very bad with me and my ex girlfriend for the past couple of months. I had broke our relationship off because I needed some space for a little while, she was extremely needy and I felt suffocated for months. Even after I told her I needed space she was still acting as if we were in a relationship, and constantly wanted to be around me or talking to me. I finally decided I needed to cut her off for a little while, I didn't ignore her, but I tried to not talk to her as much because I know I needed it but also she needed to see that she has a life of her own.

She eventually stopped chasing me and just let me be, and I began to love, respect, and miss her like crazy. I finally came out and told her that I wanted to make things work, and now it has completely backfired. She seems to be having the time of her life without me. She's always out partying and posting pictures on Facebook of how happy she is. I'm glad she is having fun, but I just wish she would at least allow me into her life in some way. For the past 4 months I have been trying as hard for her as she did for me, I have been clingy and I pushed her away. A month ago she told me she needed space because she felt like I was pressuring her into a relationship, and felt as if I was "playing mind games with her" because I was all of a sudden ready to fix our relationship. She told me we can work it out but that right now she just wants to have fun, but then other times she is flirty and I feel the connection all over again. She was hot then cold and it confused me, and stirred up a lot of emotions, which caused me to lash out at her. She told me that when she is ready to talk to me again since I put her through so much stress that she would contact me.

It has been a month and she has yet to contact me. With how crazy and obsessed I was acting, I can see why. I really did upset her. I don't want to disrespect her space by messaging her, but I may lose her for good if I don't.

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Updates:
Thanks for all the advice. She out of nowhere started talking to me again. Nothing serious yet, just talk. But it's a start.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know exactly how she feels. It is really really really hard to trust again. She is afraid that it's gonna happen again, and you can't really tell her it's not because you can't know either.
    But I'm always for second chances. If my ex (it happened the same way it did with you two) changed his mind, I would give it a go, but from the scratch. He would need to win me over and make me fall in love with him again, which would take some time. And also he would need to to understand and respect my insecurity (f. e. if he is in a bad mood I would immediately assume that the same thing is happening again and would freak out), until it goes away for good. And if you thought she was being needy before, you're gonna meet the new level of neediness if you go back together. But it will pass as soon as she learns to trust you again and let go of her fear, you just need to be very patient.

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What Girls Said 7

  • See what you're going through? It's the exact same way she felt. You now feel how she did and she feels like you did before.

    Give her space. Do your own thing. But I don't see anything wrong with inviting her out for a group lunch so she knows that it's not a date.

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  • Don't give up but don't chase after her. Leave her alone for a while, if she doesn't come back then it's probably for the best. And if she's happy you should make sure you don't interfere with that

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  • Honestly you're in her position now. Appreciate her if it ends up working out because she can be clingy and in love with another person that appreciates her love. Don't make the same mistake twice if you get her back

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  • I get this wholeheartedly sometimes people need their space. Honestly I'd just give it time because I can see where she would think your playing mind games. You told her you need space and then when she moved on you came back and that's not always easy to get over. If you love her don't give up on her but show her that you want to be in her life and really want to make it work and if she still doesn't take you back then maybe it's for the best. Good luck

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  • wrong move bruh, you just made her realize how happy life is living without you.

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  • Don't give up show her what you mean to her if she reject is best to give up your make a fool of yourself if you continue, But show her what she mean to her tell her stuff other girl would want a guy to tell her :/

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  • This is really difficult. I'm going through the same situation right now. My issue with my ex boyfriend is that he thought he could magically come back fix our relationship after he decided to end it, which makes it hard for me to trust him. He keeps texting me and wants to meet, but I'm not interested.. I think you should give her some time and if she doesn't text you then maybe you should let go.

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