How do I tell him he's acting like a stalker?

My friend recently expressed interest in having a romantic relationship with me. He even said he loved me when no one was around. This was a major red flag for me. I expressed that I just didn't feel the same way, also I wasn't ready to have any kind of romantic relationship and I felt it was best that we just remain friends, because I do value out friendship. We he went in saying that respected my choice, and I thought that was the end of it.
he then started texting me things like he'll wait for me to be ready, or if I was mad at him (he does this often, especially if I don't get back to him right away) last week I was meeting up with a different friend, he asked if it was a girl friend or a guy friend, I told him a guy friend. While I was hanging out with normal guy, he kept texting me even though he knew I was out. He's also waited for me to be done work, like he parked right beside my car, and waited, for me, it scared the crap out of me, it was 10:30pm... Then yesterday, not only did he text me, but emailed me and messaged me on social media... How do I tell him that he's acting boarder line stalkerish, while not saying "look, you're acting like a crazy f'n stalker, and you need to back the hell off before I'm forced to get a restraining order." Seriously though, I want to do this as gently as possible... If that doesn't work I'll tell him that he's acting like a crazy f'n stalker.


Most Helpful Guy

  • There is no real gentle way of doing it to be honest, I mean there is being a bitch way as you stated but there is no real gentle way you need to put your foot down.

    My suggestion is be straight forward but simple, say I am not interested in you in any way besides friendship and if you continue to act the way you have been lately we can no-longer be friends because you're starting to creep me out.

    It's simple as that and it's straight forward without being a complete bitch but getting your point across, if he doesn't listen after that than it's time to move on and get rid of his ass.


Most Helpful Girl

  • How did you two become friends, and for how long? Here's my take: You need to accept that you two are no longer just friends. He doesn't see you as a friend, he sees you as someone he's interested in having a romantic relationship with, which isn't a way friends see one another. He moved himself out of the space friends occupy in a person's life.

    When he told you he loved you, and the conversation took place, he just heard you aren't ready for a relationship, not the part where you're not interested in dating HIM. I believe you said it, and he "heard" it, but not really. And now he's acting in a way friends also do not act, with the behavior he's exhibiting.

    My feeling is, if you want a shot at going back to where you actually were just friends (which I question if this ever really was just friends for him with you), then you need to be totally clear that you like him as a friend, but are not and will never be interested in dating or having a romantic relationship with him. Describe the behaviors that have been inappropriate and tell him flat out that if a friendship is to continue between the two of you, that type of behavior must stop.

    You could do this in person, maybe at lunch on a Sunday or guess what - friends send emails to one another. You could do it that way too, sometimes face to face is hard to say what you really want to say due to your personality, the current relationship dynamic, etc. I wish you luck and a positive outcome!


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