Letting a girl go?

The guy I love broke off our 3+ year friendship, claiming that he was "getting in the way" of me finding someone (I think he loves me but thinks he can't be with me - God knows - he sent a text to a friend joking that "it's not like I had a chance with her anyway", for instance).
some people have suggested that by completely cutting me off (as opposed to still talking) he was trying to help me to be happy with someone else - and I was thinking, letting someone go is a big deal, yes? I'm also wondering how much pain something like that has caused people. At one point he mentioned that if we ever couldn't hang out he thought he would be "unable to do almost anything for like a week" - and he refuses to tell anyone what made him end our friendship other than reasons that make sense but he had ignored before or went against.
Any ideas as to what he might be thinking or feeling? I'm having trouble processing this.

Updates:
A friend just offered to find out whether he actually plans never to speak to me again (God forbid). I really appreciate the help!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If he's in love with you, what about you? Are you in love with him? Do you think he really doesn't stand a chance? Do you wanna date him?

    Ask yourself first, and then you can approach him with the right mindset, i. e. as just friends, or as a possible partner.

    I read your other question. It seems kinda obvious that he's dropping you all sorts of hints but you're just not taking it. Some of the things I can imagine platonic friends saying, but some of them just look like obvious hints. What do you want out of him? If you continue to play dumb, then obviously he's gonna cut himself off. If you really don't see him as a suitable partner or can't connect emotionally, then just let him know or start dating someone. By the looks of it, neither of have dated anyone in 3 years or what? Once you sort what you want out of him, approach him and talk to him about it. Openly. If he thinks he's been trying all this time with no fruit, tell him that you see him as a friend. If you want to be with him, then tell him that. Seems like you guys are supporting each other well, so it's not like you need a 'right time where everything is good and stable' to be together.

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    • Both of us knew that our situation was not ideal and I know I never meant to end up loving him - assuming he feels the same way, God willing, I can't imagine he would have wanted to love me either - sometimes you just do.

      I sincerely appreciate the thorough answer. I am just sort of floating right now - at least currently he has apparently cut me off and is giving people around him very little info as to why, and I don't want to hurt him further (?) so I'm just being neutral. I guess he told his brother I was "clingy" but then told him not to tell me so I wouldn't get hurt - I wonder if he was trying to get his brother to stop asking questions.

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    • I laughed because he literally is a very fast runner lol.

    • LMAO
      then tackle him and pin him down!! :D

      but honest to god, you two need a face off so bad. because once both of you have your say eye to eye, and THEN he still decides to cut you off, then that's it. I feel that right now it's the most volatile time for both of you and it's a make or break situation - you guys can either end up together if both of you confess your fears and feelings, or really just part ways because that's what it has come to now.

      But if you guys just drift apart now without even talking, then even I who is nobody and nowhere close to you will feel really cheated. It's like I'm a volcano that needs to blow out (which will happen if you both meet up) else, I'll end up become a volcano that self combusted inside (and that's when you don't meet up and continue like this.. and it hurts. It leaves a scar).

What Guys Said 2

  • Well it's it's either he is like crazy In love with you or its that he wants to move on himself and is being nice. :)

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    • Oh no sorry I meant I didn't respond to your comment. No I haven't contacted him. It's been about 3 weeks.

    • I saw him this weekend and the look on his face hurt really bad - he looked kind of out of it and kind of jumped when we made eye contact (I didn't expect to see him) and he gave me what looked like a pained/sad/almost fearful (like don't want to be here) look and that upward jerk of the head that guys use to say hi and kind of disappeared as fast as he could. I have reason to think he might have purposely run into me by the way.
      he looked kind of unhealthy like he'd been lying in a dark room for too long. and this is about 3 weeks after he stopped talking to me. he did say once that if we ever stopped hanging out he thought he would be "really sad" and "wouldn't be able to do much more than lie around and watch TV for like a week." but 3?
      I don't know how much I've hurt him and I feel horrible. any ideas? he's mentioned many times things like "don't go" but he chose to end it.

  • In my opinion... he just wanted to move on and that's all that matters. If I were you, I would move on too.

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