He loves me but he dumped because of his depression... Insists on staying friends but doesn't show it? What should I do? PLEASE HELP ME?

I was dating this guy:Everything was perfect. We never fought, we were best friends&so happy together until his grandfather passed away.

As soon as his grandfather passed away, everything changed in the blink of an eye. The day before he was so in love and told me I was the best thing to ever happen to him. The day after, he became very distant.

In fact, he dumped me 5 days after his grandfather passed away. When he dumped me, he was crying so hard. He kept telling me how marvelous I am and he wished so bad he could change things but that he can't be in a relationship right now because he has so much stress. (his grandfather's death is just the top of the iceberg). He said that he loved me so much, but that he can't give me what I deserve right now. That he wishes we can come back together someday, but not now. He said he needs some time alone to find himself. He said that's it's none of my fault and that I have nothing to blame myself for. We just kept crying and hugging each other. He gave me a kiss on the forehead before I left. He also insisted A LOT on staying friends. he says he rlly wants us to keep talking, because he doesn't want to lose me.

It's been 3 weeks. I tried messaging him a couple of times (2 times per week max). He always replies but short answers. We were supposed to grab some coffee together the other day but he bailed on me the day we were supposed to meet. He ignored me completely at school as well. Everytime he saw me he looked so sad, as if he was about to cry and he was holding back the tears. I asked him 2 weeks after the break up if he really wanted us stay friends or he just said that to be polite: he told me he rlly wanted us to stay friends. But he doesn't contact me at all nor show it... (He messaged me once last week asking why I wasn't at the gym tho)

He has already had episodes of depression before. Im also good friends with his best friend&she told me that he is very lost.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Take into account that someone with depression may not have the energy or courage to send the right signals or take initiative.
    Just like he didn't have the energy for a relationship.
    If you still like him, you'll need to carefully take the initiative and let him feel that you still want to be there for him. You know, in difficult times, bonds can become even closer. Your real friends are those that don't run away :-)

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    • Thanks for the most helpful Martine, hope it did help to bring you people closer together again?

    • hey! no probem :) I found your comment very helpful because it made me realize that he indeed doesn't have the energy to take initiative. I spoke to him a couple of times since, but I dont want tobug him and annoy him. He has other things/problems to focus on right now. I ask him how he's doing from time to time, and he isn't doing any better:/ I try to be there for him as much as I can. It's aready been a month since we broke up and I'm doing fine now. I ''got over him''. But I'm still there and I still care for him. I'll see what the future brings! :)

    • I'll keep my thumbs up for you Martine. If you'd need a chat yourself let me know :D
      When he's feeling better, he'll realize he has a big place in your heart and how much you mean to each other :D
      Be it as friends or as a couple, it's really important what you're doing: being there for him!

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What Guys Said 1

What Girls Said 3

  • lol he pushed you away when he was supposed to need you the most. tale as old as time... just rememeber this: no matter what the reason might be, he is currently not interested in you. at all. he doesn't want you. my ex did the same thing (he is in a bad period so he dumped me, ooww poor him). leave him be and don't contact him. act like he doesn't exist, and if he texts you answer normally, politely, but DON'T initiate anything (like asking him something back or inviting him for a coffee). and whatever you do, don't talk about getting back together! and also, honey, don't be his friend. he is your ex, it's okay to have a small talks with an ex, but trust me you don't want to be his friend. if he changes his mind he will reach out to u, if not, at least you saved your dignity. :) i know it's hard but take it from someone who's been there. gl!

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  • He just needs to know you are there for him. He needs to see a doctor or get counseling to help with his depression. It will take awhile for him to heal, so be patient.

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  • I think he professional needs help first to help with his depression. Then when he's better you guys can see about getting back together. Your right about him needing to find himself.

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