Lost with a recent break up, looking for some advice & perspective.. What to do?

So my girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. We've been having problems for a long time and I let my military work and personal issues get in the way of the relationship which resulted in me neglecting it and her. I've also been a step parent to her daughter who is almost 3 and knows only me as her daddy which adds to this being really difficult.

We still communicate regularly and the consensus is that I still really love her and that she loves me and wants to be with me but not the way its been. I have also found out that she's had sex with another guy 3 times since we've been broken up and that she felt really guilty about it and she did it out of spite and for her own needs to feel something.. It was sex and nothing more, there isn't a future with that guy. This has caused me a lot of pain because I didn't want that for myself because I wanted my family back. Some of my friends say not to bother with her now because she did that but I'm willing to get past it because I love her.

She says she wants me to fight for her and for the relationship because that's all she ever did when we were together and now it's my turn and I'm having a hard time understanding this.. If she wants to be with me and I want to be with her, couldn't we just work things out together?

She had this insane idea about playing family for pockets of time to work things out with the end goal of being together but at the same time have her freedom to do what she wants in between, and in good conscience I refused. She later took it back and said she fucked up with that idea and said there was no half in on the table for us and only all in or not in. With that said she is still waiting for me to fight for her and won't entertain the idea of working things out together.

I'm so confused, I don't know what to do..
I decided that it was best if we took some time and just work on our own stuff and take a breather, our conversations keep making things worse and she kinda freaked out when I said all this. She proceeded to text me 9 pictures of her and her daughter with one of them being an upset face because the little one misses her daddy. I feel like shit and feel bullied by it. I didn't respond to it but I'm doubting my decision..


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What Girls Said 1

  • She is confused about what she wants. Tell her How much you care but you will not Chase someone who doesn't want to get caught


What Guys Said 1

  • I can understand where your coming from was in the police academy and the same thing went on. She felt neglected like I didn't care for her and was just using her. Problem is my girl had a serious problem communicating. She is younger so I guess I get it. She got passive aggressive towards me no idea what she wanted anymore so I just focused on myself and said it will pass and she will come around. Never did. She also cut contact with me saying she wants to get over me. Parents wouldn't let us be together either. Dude if she is giving you open communication then you should try and work things out. Just don't fall into the headgames

    • Yea man my miltary service over the last 7 years and during our relationship has taken its toll on the relationship and me but she has always stuck by me throughout my service.

      I thought long and hard about the no contact thing and I knew I was being rash. I took a chance and reversed my position and she thanked me for understanding. I've been panicking and so I think I've been rushing things and pushing too hard so I told her that we will go at a pace that works best for both of us from now on and she thanked me for it. I really don't want to lose them both, they mean so much to me.

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    • Yea I'm doing my best to stick with it man, it's hard because I've told her about how I feel and how I want to work things out and make this work but she's really indecisive. Her answers and feelings about everything change on the daily.. We had a discussion about intimacy with others and I was honest about having done nothing with other women and not currently involved with other women but when I asked her if she was still in contact with the guy she had slept with she said yes, I also asked her if she was still sleeping with him and she said she was undecided. It's wearing me out. I hate the thought of her with someone else, especially if the goal is to work things out.

    • Dude if she's serious about you.. need to lay down the line tell her that's not acceptable to be sleeping around giving you mixed signals.

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