I know he suffers with depression, but this is so cryptic?

So my ex asked me to go for a drink with him to 'talk'. He knows full well that I want to be back with him in a relationship and it broke my heart when it ended. Anyway, well it was about seven weeks after the spilt that he said he would like to meet up and talk. There's me thinking the May be a chance of reconciliation as his messages seemed very positive.

When we met, we hugged, went for a drink and chatted about what we had be doing etc. I said I missed him, he turned to me in tears and apologised for the things he did and how he was throughout the relationship. I comforted him and told him it was ok. He was saying I deserve better etc, I kept explaining it's not a matter of what I deserve it's a matter of the heart, and what it feels and thus wants. I felt hurt, why meet me to break my heart again? as we parted, he hugged me tightly, and said I just wish you'd forget all about me, I'll only hurt you. And then asked to see me again.
Told his dad to pick me up in a few weeks to go round his and see the new puppies...

What the hell is this about? I know he suffers with depression, but this is so cryptic I genuinely can't make heads or tails of it...

HELP PLEASE!!


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What Guys Said 1

  • That is a rather disturbing pattern of behavior. It's hard enough trying to move on from someone, but when they're sending you mixed signals like that, just what in the world are you supposed to think?

    I'm trying to figure out what he meant by saying you deserve better... My first instinct was that he's either seeing someone or was seeing someone and felt really guilty. The second thought I had was maybe he was just trying to provide closure to himself and you, but when he asked to see you again, that threw that theory on its head.

    It sounds like he's afraid to let you go. I believe if he truly wanted to be with you, he would be with you. I"m bipolar I, and never wanted to be away from someone I truly loved and wanted to be with no matter what part of the solar system my brain was visiting. When I liked someone, but felt it would never really go anywhere further than we were, I had more of a take it or leave it attitude and used my disorder as an excuse much of the time, which was really stupid and wrong.

    My advice is to just cut him off completely. The longer he keeps sending you these half-hearted attempts at keeping you around without trying to really work things out, he's just giving you false hope, making it that much harder for you to move on.

    If he's depressed, then he needs to make sure he's getting help and taking his meds if he's been prescribed them. Beyond that, you have to ask yourself if it's worth being mislead or confused while you're still in a lot of pain.

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    • I understand completely what you're saying, as an individual who suffers with depression myself I went and sought he'll for it, along with getting a diagnosis for a personality disorder. But he point blank refuses to seek any medical help for it which leads to me to thinking (which I admit may be bad) "well you can't be that depressed if you don't actively want any help?"

      I doubt he was/is seeing someone else, he has huge confidence issues and is basically incapable of forming relationships with women, it worked for me because It was literally love at first sight and I practically made him come out of his shell. I've heard from his friends that he's back how he was and isn't dating anyone new.

      I find it unsettling that he want to push me away because he'll only keep hurting me yet also doesn't want to leave. Is it so had to make a clear decision to what you want?

      If this is a sick game, I'm not playing it. I've disappeared off the face of the earth as far as he is currently aware

    • Usually people who are the most depressed are in such denial, they don't think they need any help and will get very defensive when them seeking professional guidance is suggested. In my opinion, that is enough for you to walk away, because allowing a person with a mental illness to go untreated and behave like he's behaving isn't really something worth tolerating. I mean, if he's getting help and working on feeling better, then sure you can live with the bumps that come along with it. But you really don't want to waste your time trying to help someone that won't help himself.

      His anxiety and low self esteem should also be addressed with a professional, and he was lucky you persisted enough to show him he can be loved and appreciated. However, he's allowing himself to fall back into his depressive rut, and that's not your fault.

      I would avoid any contact with him until he's proven to you he's getting help; otherwise nothing will change and it will be much harder for you to let go.

What Girls Said 1

  • He doesn't know whether he wants you around or not

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    • Well I'm doing him a favour by removing myself entire from his life. If he comes back then that's purely his decision and not any of my doing. I won't lie, I still think of him and wish to speak to him everyday, but my pride won't allow me to beg for his love. And so I won't.

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