How do I get over someone who I KNOW is no good for me?

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago. We've been together for 5 years but the relationship in its entirety has been on and off and very rocky. The last time he broke up with me (which was the most) recent has really hurt me. I am getting over the break up, but at least once or twice a wk I find myself very depressed. I have improved because I was having such a hard time initially, I was missing work.

My ex was my first and is the father of my child. Our relationship has had a pattern of him breaking up with me followed by no contact and then he proposes to be "friends" (not FWB) and I end up back in a relationship. About 2 months ago he proposed that we remain friends and I told him no.

My ex is not a good person and each time he has broken up with me I have found him on sex websites immediately afterwards and already trying to find someone new. This is the final time I am going through that anymore, but I'd like to know what do I need to do when I find myself depressed and longing for him.

Updates:
I dont think he will ever change because he is in his early 30's. I always wanted to do everything possible to keep our family together, but I guess it's not enough...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That definitely makes it tough when he's the farther of your child, too many guys are leaving women as single mothers these days... it's not right... i know a perfectly nice woman from someone i watch on YouTube, we used to hang out a long in online chats, anyway she has a heart full of love yet she still got cheated on by a dude who made a son with her... but thankfully i'm seeing her doing good and one of her long time guy mates stood up and is making her and her son happy than ever :) so i think you can find someone better too who won't get your pregnant then get cold feet.

    Guys seem to many commitment issues these days, so i would cut contact from this poisenious person because he is poisen to you and every person that meets him (especially every girl he "dates"), he's just a loser so keep yourself busy, take this as an oppurtinity to have some YOU time for a while, enjoy being single for a little bit so you can re-gain control of your life again, don't ever let a guy turn your life up-side-down because it's not worth it... your story still goes on with or without them.

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    • wow, what you wrote is very inspiring! I just hate that on some days I have moments where I long for him. I suppose the relationship was just so chaotic but sometimes i feel like i should go back, but I KNOW if I do it's going to hurt me even worse.

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    • they want nothing to do with you*

    • Here is a clip from Bridget Jones of Mark and Daniel making an ass of themselves like men do haha so funny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gxOffgz6VI

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You gotta either find ways to remind you how bad he is / bad things he did, or get your mind off of him completely by drinking a tall glass of chocolate milk

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    • lol, i like the tall glass of chocolate milk suggestion, it puts a smile on my face. I gues when you have been with someone for so long you start to think that this is "normal."

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    • :) Why do you think he throws the "friendship" card?

    • Because it makes you think better of him to remember any good times

  • Ya gotta actually like yourself enough to not want someone who's just cruising sex websites all the time. You can do better if you want to.

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    • you are right. I know that my low self esteerm is what caused me to end up in a relationship such as this. I have had several men tell me I am attractive, but I guess I don't feel it which is why I put up with this crap for so long.

    • Lots of people think the same thing. It's OK. You should probably take some "you" time to recharge yourself.

What Girls Said 2

  • Awe... wow. First off im sorry *girly hugs*.

    But now you pick yourself up because you're strong. As a mother you need to show this and exercise your strength so that your child will grow up knowing that you two can weather the storm together. Someone out there is going to treat you like you deserve, maybe it's not him, so be it. But there IS someone out there for you and who will love you AND your child the way you need. Not the way you want but the way you need which is completely two different things.

    I think now that this has happened you will need time to reflect. Put away your things that remind you of him. If you dont want to throw them all away put them in a box hidden in the closet for some of your darkest days just to look then you put it back.

    You MUST be able to cut all ties. Im not sure how that will be (if there is a custody battle), etc. I said this earlier to someone here. People will treat you the way you ALLOW them to. If you say no you put your foot down and thats it. You dont say no and then leave them a little room. No is no. And you stick by it.

    The fact that he is push/pull with you is because he knows that he can get away with it. He wants to control you AND have one foot out the door. Oh let me just pull her strings cause I know she loves me, she will put up with my bullshit (as he looks on sex sites).

    Cut all ties... period.

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    • Thanks for your advice. I have been no contact with him for a while now. Each day I start feeling better and better, but every so often I have my moments where I slip into depression, but then I think about all of the bad things he has done to me and how much I've endured and I eventually start feeling better.

      What makes things even more difficult is that my exes mom calls me to "check on me." She has also came to the city I live in and taken me out to lunch. It gets even harder because she talks about my ex all of the time and is trying to get me to be the one that reaches out to him. When she cries it makes it hard, but I know if I go back I'll be setting myself up for that same thing.

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    • Why do you think he asks if we can be friends and What should I do in this regard? I cannot be friends with him.

    • You don't even allow that subject to come up. When you aren't talking to him he shouldn't ask the question of being friends. The answer is no there is no friends.

  • You can't change him. Let him go and find a nice guy that will treat you right. Some people just never grow up and he is one of them.

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