How do I proceed from here? I recently broke up with my boyfriend of one year.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of one year.

We've had a lot of problems, and a major one that kept recurring was that I felt like (and he said it himself) that he was living only for me.

A friend who's met him told me that she thought he seemed very possessive, always wrapping his arms around me, almost like he was afraid that someone would take me away. At first, he wanted to go out all the time, and even though I was trying to meet him 2-3 times a week it still wasn't enough and it came to the point where he was really unhappy about it.

I've had a fulfilling life with great friends that I hold dear to me, and hobbies that I need to spend a good amount of time engaging in to maintain my sense of self - it's who I am. And also, he claimed that he was just 'another clique of friends' to me, as if he was insulted that he wasn't more important than them. I really couldn't understand why he couldn't understand how important my friends were to me - they've supported me through so much, so how could he expect that I'd hold him in higher regard when we've only known each other for such a short time?

I thought it through long and hard. When I was with him, I couldn't grow. I couldn't engage in my own hobbies because I'd feel bad for abandoning him. And then I decided it was better for us to split.

The day after we split, after crying the whole night, we had a long conversation and he told me all about how he didn't have a single friend that he could open up to the way he did to me. That's why he couldn't understand how important my friends were to me - he had no personal experience. I actually felt pity for him. I honestly can't imagine going through a life without a network of friends to fall back on during hard times.

I also thought it isn't healthy for him to just keep me as that one precious person and be disinterested in forming deeper bonds with any other human being. I don't know if I should go back to him as his girlfriend, (see below)
after thinking about it honestly I thought that I'd be able to help him better as his 'best friend' - the kind of friend that he is lacking right now. Help him make friends, join stuff, realise that life is worth living not just to make his girlfriend happy, but also because he can get a deeper personal sense of fulfilment, not just by sticking with me and preventing me from having my own fulfilment away from him, but as an individual.
I do want to know what others would make of this situation though, so please tell me what your opinion is. Please no bashing or saying I'm stupid or inconsiderate or immature or anything, just constructive opinions that will facilitate my thought process on this issue. Thanks!


Most Helpful Guy

  • You know what, you need to do you. A relationship where you lose yourself isn't worth it.
    Also the whole him guilting you? This dude is an asshole. Not worth your time. If he doesn't have friends it's because there's something not right with him.
    Don let guilt drag you back to him, because he doesn't care about you, he thinks he does but he just wants someone to have around. If he cared he wouldn't be trying to make you feel like shut.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're talking A LOT. Can you please summarize your thoughts?


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