Is it bad to message him first after a breakup?
What Guys Said 1
This isn't the kind of thing you communicate via e-mail. You need to go see him and have an actual conversation.
What Girls Said 1
Yes it's bad. I'm on a same boat, my ex broke up with me 2 months ago because of the distance (distance made him lose desire for me) and we were together for 3 years. He wanted us to stay friends and, desperate as I was, I accepted. Well at first I spammed him for like 3 days straight about what went wrong, questioning him about everything. He never really gave me a good reason just that he doesn't love me anymore. I stopped nagging him eventually but then he started nagging me. He was acting all lovely dovely, writting me, asking about my day, asking me to visit him, even flirting with me openly. I thought maybe he's trying to reach out because he changed his mind bur nope - he was just bored (his words exactly). So I cut the friendship and everything with him. Told him that he can write me only if he changes his mind. I'm doing all better know. No mixed signals, no stress, just me, myself and I in control of everything. I do wonder if he will change his mind but besides that I don't have any desire to contact him. So, if you show weakness and contact him, he will probably use you and hurt you. It doesn't matter what you said on breakup, it won't affect his emotions or opinions. If he wants to get back he will reach out to you, apologize and be honest. If not, then you will know your answer. Just stay strong, don't contact him and try to move on.
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