Did I lose her for good? did I ever have a shot? whats next?

ok here is goes..

became friends with a girl and talked for over a year.. deep convos, lite convos, sexual convos, etc..

about 4 months ago, she brings up an friends with benefits , she hasn't had sex in a year.

like a dummy i agree thinking its a good idea when i already had feelings for her.

After spending that time with her, the feelings get stronger and i need to know if she is interested in going on a real date or i have to move on. i think about her way to much to be a friends with benefits .

I ask her out and she declines but proceeds to hint at continueing friends with benefits . i let her know at that point that i cannot continue the friends with benefits because my intentions were no longer the same and i wanted to be on same page as her.

i didn't bother her or ask anymore details, not sure if she is seeing someone else, is scared of committing, or just genuiley doesn't like me like that. she just said she didn't want to lead me on because she wasn't 100% sure about me. maybe thats the truth or an easy way out, im not sure. since i have not contacted her or she has not contacted me. its been two weeks, every ended well and we just stopped talking i guess.

My dilema is i spent such a long time talking to this girl and she made sex seem very special to her (waited a year and picked me, she's is great looking and can pick anyone she's wants im sure) we also spent a lot of time getting to know one another.. was she able to not develop feelings?

Im missing her like crazy and really under estimated how much i liked her. i have been rejected before so i know this is not "wanting what you can't have thing"

Will the no contact make her miss me? did she only want one thing? should i move on forever and let this girl i was really into go? do i even have a choice?

i just really messed up by getting into a friends with benefits with someone i really cared about, i want to let go but i really miss her too. what the best way to get her back? or just move on?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You didn't ask her for any more details, and unfortunately, that is going to leave you agonizing over what you don't know, such as the questions you still have: "she is seeing someone else, is scared of committing, or just genuinely doesn't like me like that...".

    So, in absence of her being able to answer those questions, I'll offer my opinion of what I think, for what it's worth.

    1) You need to just move on at this point. She made it clear that she is not interested in more than just friends with benefits with you. I wouldn't put too much emphasis on the fact that she told you it had been a year since she'd had sex, you don't know that to be completely truthful. And this might sting, but the fact that she "chose you" for that doesn't make it special. She probably felt safe with you and since those "I want to be his girlfriend" feelings weren't there for her with you, she wasn't afraid of any rejection or getting hurt if she had sex with you and you stopped talking to her.

    2) You said: "she just said she didn't want to lead me on because she wasn't 100% sure about me. maybe thats the truth or an easy way out, im not sure.". I am sure - It's not an easy way out, it's the truth. She declined to date you and told you she doesn't want to lead you on that it could be more between you than occasional friends with benefits sex. Appreciate the truth, it's not often given in these types of scenarios.

    3) No contact will not make her want you anymore than she did before, most likely. It may make her miss your conversations, your friendship that had developed but I don't believe it will make her all of the sudden realize she loved you this entire time and come back telling you she wants to date you. I honestly just don't think she's into you that way, I'm sorry.

    I hope that everything works out for you, take care!

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    • Thanks... i guess i misread the signs or just had the blinders on. but i think you're def right. she picked me cause she had no feelings for me.. she didn't go on the date because she had no feelings for me.

      i guess you win some you lose some. it hurts.. but i walked away with my head held high, no insults no begging no nothing.

      this one really hurts though.. she said sweet things to me but that doesn't mean she liked me. live and learn.

    • what i meant was easy way out is better then saying im not attracted to you like that or i just needed you for sex while i talked to other guys, or im getting back with my ex even though i slept with you a week ago type thing lol.. so i just meant she may have not been able to say the hard truth to protect my feelings.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • well, i think you should let go, if she has no feelings for you, and you are going to end up more hurt in the long run. i wish you luck xx :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • Dude she's spending a lot time with you so i think she has feelings but afraid to tet go of them
    How much you talk daily?

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    • we wouldn't talk everyday but when we did talk it was easy. id say we talked at least 3 times a week through text. once i had the feelings i wanted to talk everyday but didn't just not look needy or clingy..

      im not sure what to do.. i miss her like crazy but am coming to grips with the fact that she doesn't see me that way. its hard.. i mean can the distance change that? or no?

    • A good communication will the distance
      ;)

    • *match the distance

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