Should I initiate contact with my ex again and how?

I've not spoken to my ex for a month now. I did go a bit psycho after the break up to be honest, which probably pushed him away and he told me he'd moved on which I don't really believe because of how long we were together and how serious the relationship was. Then he got with his ex girlfriend. Anyway, before all the mess and no contact, he said he was open to being on good terms with me and even being friends, but he then changed his mind because I was still really hurt and going mad at everything, so we couldn't have normal conversations.

It's been a month of no contact and I was wondering if I should initiate contact again, send a polite message to him on facebook to show that I'm ok but would like to be on good terms with him and even be friends but I worry he won't take it very well, that he'd just ignore me again or have negative feelings towards me.

I'm hoping that eventually, he will be interested in me again.

What should I do? If you think I should, what exactly should I say? Keep in mind that he might not respond.

Updates:
He also said he had "nothing against me" and that I should have a "good life" but I don't know how his feelings have changed over this month, especially being with his ex. Should I give it more time?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I recommend moving on, because there's a third person involved and when that happens it's usually too late. :/ At least that's how it goes for me, the moment I start dating someone else ex becomes a history.

    But if you don't want to take advice, I'll tell you; My ex also broke up with me about 3 months ago, we were together for 3 years. I admit I started acting too needy and jealous which pushed him away. Then when he broke up I also went psycho lol, and that lasted for like 2 weeks, I couldn't let him go. Then I decided to get myself in order, because I realized that was the root of all problems. I was going out, going to the gym, worked on my new project and it kind of came naturally, the change. I didn't initiate any contact with him. Then he started writing me more often and I would just be myself - happy and confident. I would respond him nicely every time, but still wasn't initiating anything. He basically noticed that I've changed and that I can be happy without him, and I guess that turned him on. I was back to who I was when we first met. I gotta say distancing from him a little bit helped me a lot! Now we are talking more often and more romantically then in the past 6 months of our relationship. I started initiating contact as well but still with a little distance, he's the one who has to break the ice after all. We are distant relationship and now he invited me come over in June and spend some time with him, like good old days. I said I'll think about it. ;) Basically, the key is being as independent as you can, not initiating contact but be nice and happy when he does, and whatever he suggests just you'll think about it haha. It might pass a lot of time but it's worth it, if not for getting him back at least for getting yourself back, you got nothing to lose. Oh ye and most important - DO NOT talk about past and what happened, don't ask him how he feels or if he wants back, just let him do all the work.

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    • Well I feel there's a high chance that when this rebound is over, he'll consider contacting me again. He said he had nothing against me apparently so I don't know. He's not someone I'm finding easy to forget and I honestly think it's the same with him about me. We were together 2 years, we were planning on moving out and we were totally in love, perfect together but he wasn't ready for commitment and we had some other issues. I'm thinking about not saying anything, but he doesn't seem to be noticing me since him being with his ex. I'm hoping he'll realise she can't fill the void forever and come back to the one who once made him happy. I've gotten back on top of things and don't have the urge to contact him any more like in the beginning (crying voicemails, oh lord). I still keep coming back to him though. He's not easy to get over but I feel there's a part of me that doesn't want to move on because he was the "one" to me.

    • I wouldn't bring up the past and make the mistakes I did, I would just say "Hey, how are you doing? I was wondering if you would be open to being on good terms again seeing as I've calmed down now and you said you had nothing against me so I thought it wouldn't hurt" or something along those lines. But it's more complicated because he'll probably tell his girlfriend she'd probably tell him to ignore me or not to talk to me. : So maybe I should wait for him or I could contact him when they've broken up.
      I'm only thinking about this because an article somewhere said that it's better to keep in contact with an ex on a friendly basis to improve chances of getting back together. Ignoring them will put you in stranger territory and you'll lose the connection you once had.

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  • No you shouldn't. Just start moving on.

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  • I would just go ahead and do it :)

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