Was I a shitty boyfriend?

I mean she acted like everything was fine then blow up. I wanted to so badly get on that compassionate level but she never made. me feel comftorable enough to do it. It's really hard for me to open up. The way I was raised and just my enviroment. Military law enforcment. I'm really bad at showing that stuff. I was going through really tough training averaging 4 hrs of sleep a night. Was also watching my dad fight for his life surgery after surgery when he was diagnosed with cancer. When I got free time I would go out with the guys. she acted like it didn't even matter to her. then would blow up. It was really confusing. We had plans to move out.. she left me. Her friends and family were all saying I was just using her and she was too stupid to see it.

When she would blow up I guess I disregarded her feelings. I told her she was being irrational when she would finally blow up. Even though I did the same things tk her before. I didn't even talk to her for a week (we are long distance) then she blew upz saying I'm ignoring her. She apparently msgd me bit I never got it.

All we would do is just have sex at my house then talk for a little. I got her some gifts and offered to go out on her bday but it was already too late I guess. I would blow up on her and get moody apparently. I love this girl so much I planned to eventually marry her but I told her the opposite I said I'm not trying to do that right now I'm just taking it one step at a time.

I wrote her a long letter and dropped it off with roses and she wrote back saying maybe we can try this again later on. I've been an asshole no doubt but more of a clueless asshole rather than intentional. Anyways I'm a grown ass man and I feel like I'm just in a constant daze.. been 3 months now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You made a lot of detrimental mistakes and yes, you weren't a great boyfriend. However, I understand your reasoning behind it. However you were painfully neglectful and distant, which is a common issue in relationships. Without communication and closeness, things fall apart quickly. I also see where people got the misconception of you "using her" as you mentioned all you did was have sex and talk. That is easily interpreted as "benefits only" situation.

    If she is willing to see you again, I would recommend taking time to work out where you believe you went wrong. Perhaps consider some sort of counselling to help you open up. I'm not a psychiatrist so I unfortunately couldn't give you reliable tips on how to do that, so that is my only suggestion. From there, encourage communication and do your best to put effort forth into things from here - assuming you get back together. Be prepared for things to be difficult, it'll get harder before it gets easier.

    Good luck.

    • Thanks.. Do you think is girl just lost attraction ay one pointjust wasn't that into me anymore and that's why she left. She was choosing me over her parents and her free college ride. She would never be able to talk to her parents again.

      Last time I saw her in person she said she should come over another time her mom was accusing her of seeing me. She had to lie all the time. She came over and just started hysterically crying saying I don't know what to do I want you but I don't want to lose my mom Forever..

      She even called me back out of weakness the next day and we got in a huge fight.. pushed her further away I guess.

      Is it just my own securities telling me that?

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    • She made a comment when she was mad at me a month after the breakup. Afyer saying she felt used and I didn't care.. she said it m ig jt sound shallow but I'm gunna live a pretty high class life style and a cop just doesn't do it. that one really tool a blow to my ego. I don't know if that was her intention or she actually meant that..

    • There was even a point where she sounded annoyed. We were talking about somwthing stupid I was trying tk make her laugh.. it was about me again.. her answers got faster and faster then she just cut it off I'll talk tk you later. This is why I feel like she just lost attraction tk me. But then she says all this stuff like she felt used and didn't know how she wanted me to act.. I hurt her too many times 2 much damage

Most Helpful Guy

  • The way I was raised and just my enviroment


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What Girls Said 2

  • Yea I see the asshole qualities and why they'd think you were using it, but you recognize this and still want to make things right, so I think it's apparent that you did care. I think you should take the time to just become a more open and affectionate person in general though. Maybe get a dog that is overly playful and craves your affection to soften you up a bit then try out a relationship again.

  • in the beginning she seemed really annoying.. I don't know why girls do that, actually nevermind, I actually act really and I quote from my asshole guy friend "passive aggressive" when I'm angry with him. To be honest, in the beginning she seemed really annoying (hopefully that isn't me). But to the end you kind of became a dick, you seemed like you stop caring and putting an actual effort into the relationship... Maybe you should be compassionate more, I mean I get that she doesn't make you comfortable enough to do it, but maybe after you guys were intimate? I don't know, just a suggestion..

    Good Luck x

    • She constantly would make remarks saying I have no compassion lol.

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    • hopefully... You need to use tis time to get ready and improve yourself though!

    • I got accepted and I'm going back to school. Moving to campus in the fall. I'm turning 22 but I'm ready to do this. I was thinking I could contact her when the holidays come around when I get my first break. Catch up.

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