I am 38 years old. Grew up in a very restrictive country where people don't have sex before marriage. Had my first relationship when i was 28 with someone i didn't love ( i have left my restrictive home country by that time) . I was shy , inexperienced and didn't know what love is. and probably still don't :( I was stuck in this relationship for 5 years. Afterwards i developed depression and anxiety.. i couldn't get into a relationship with people i found attractive. I was shy , inexperienced , anxious, sucked at flirting. Very very shy guy lacking confidence.
I battled my depression and anxiety , took up hobbies and sports , began approaching girls during the day , leanred some flirting.. and.. one year ago i met a girl online who is 11 years younger than me. I liked her , but i didn't feel this wow factor in terms of looks. She is everything a man could want in a woman. Kind, supportive, educated, cute , respectful with a beautiful smile. very supportive of me . Nevertheless, she is just not the person that would draw my attention if i saw her walking by on the street The issue is... She loves me. She tells me... she always says it first. And today she cried... because i never said it first.
One part of me says.. this is the girl you want to wife. This is the girl who will make you happy and who will stand by you. The other part keeps telling me that you are not really satisfied by her, that you want to experience different women and not settle , that you will not make her happy.
We are in long distance relationship, but we visit each other and spend sometimes months with each other. I treat her wonderfully. Make her happy. Take her on adventures. But i can't help not thinking about experiencing other attractive women.
i am really confused! I didn't live a normal youth due to my culture and family. Didn't sleep around or hookup. So in the area of relationships i am probably much behind my age.
Should I leave this girl? Am I incapable of love and monogamy or I just didn't meet the right person yet?
Most Helpful Girl
I think what you are feeling seems completely NORMAL... regardless of your upbringing.
I did notice a couple of things:
1) You mentioned "other part keeps telling me that you are not really satisfied by her". Relationships are not about what someone else does for you or if they satisfy you, but about how much you want to satisfy that other person. You should be so in love with this person, that you aren't paying attention to what you may be lacking, but what you can do for her next!
2) Just because she may be they type you want to settle with, DOESN'T make her right for you!
I think you need to let go of her. The relationship shouldn't be about what makes her look good on paper, but how you really are as a team. You are certainly missing something in that relationship that won't ever get better with time just because she does all the right things.
The best relationships are the way you feel with your best friends. Conversations come easy. Your life goals are the same. You love being around them regardless of sex. It's just something that "makes sense" so you don't have to question it.
I have dated a lot of "almost perfects" but always felt as though something was off... even thought there wasn't necessarily anything wrong. Then I met my now boyfriend and it all just makes sense. Everything adds up. I don't question anything in terms of if he's the right one. He's my best friend.
I also know that LDR's are super hard and it's not the best environment to cultivate a strong relationship. I think you need to let go of her, and keep looking until you meet the right person. It's far better to be single and living a happy life vs. settling for the sake of having partner. I know it's hard to let go of relationships out of fear we won't find something better, but that's why it's important to cultivate a life for yourself that make you so happy, that you don't feel the need to be in a relationship. It becomes more about wanting to share your happiness with someone else.4THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
Most Helpful Guy
My dear friend, lifelong relationships are not built on just a conglomeration of texts.
You need to take some trust in this woman. You said you "spend months with each other". Sounds like you found a girl who really loves you! Yet you ask if you should leave this girl? FOR WHOM?
Look, I am 62 years old! I have been married to my wife for close to 40 years. I love her and she loves me. We have been true to each other.
Does that mean that lovely women simply 'disappear?' Of course not!
There are beautiful, stunning, smart, fun loving women everywhere (thank God). Does that mean we jump on every woman we find attractive? I sure hope not.
Be happy that you have found a girl you care for so much, and that the feeling is mutual. You may have insecurities from your childhood, but I think with this woman you've struck a pot of gold.
Don't give up on a sure thing, you are better off than many of the people in the world looking for that significant other.
Take care and don't lose this girl's affection for you. Be kind to ALL the women in your life, but especially to this girl. It is she who will stand with you through the rough patches in life. You need a good strong woman in your life. Good Luck with her. I wish you bothe well.
😃1THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE