Broken up. Do you think LDRs work?

Hello everyone, I was in a long distance relationship for 9 months, 5 months together 4 months away, but I believed we truly loved each other and had future plans of moving together. He just broke up with me because he has just started a new job and he won't be able to get a vacation until next summer. I might be able to visit him in 2 or 3 months, but that's not a sure things yet as I might be moving to a different country with my family so it will take longer if I did. I truy love him and willing to wait I don't care if it's until next summer. I told him seems you didn't love me enough to wait for me even though he has given so many promises and said he would wait for me for years because he wants no one else but me, but now he is thinking he doesn't want me to wait for him for all this time as my situation with my family is hard they are my responsibility, and for him his job issue.
I truly believe that if it is true love we can both wait for each other. Plus, we were just at the start of trying to make it work, why would we give up so early? Lots are living a LDR and they survived.
What do you think all? Do you think if you truly love someone and want no one else but them, would you go a year waiting to see them? I would. Thanks!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, but it takes two. It takes both of you to feel and want the same, exactly the same! That's why LDRs are hard because it's really rare to find that one person who feels and wants exactly the same. I've been with my guy for 3 years in LDR and it fell apart eventually. He just lost interest (and I don't blame him it's the way he is, I'm just different I could wait longer). So yeah, the distance is not the problem, it's about a couple in it. That's why I always say I'm not regretting that I was in a LDR, I regret with WHO I was in LDR. And if I somehow bump into another LDR guy I would do it again. I don't mind the distance I just hope that if it happens again the new guy is gonna be stronger and more mature. :)

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    • Exactly how I feel and think, but I don't know I just find myself blaming him because he gave me so much hope and actually he was the one who made me hopeful when I wasn't! He told me to hold on and do my best to be with him. I am doing, but what about him? Really it saddens me a lot. Leading someone on then breaking their dreams is the worse ever.

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    • I blamed distance at first. So after we broke up he wanted us stay friends and I accepted it (in hope I move there one day, didn't want the flame to burn out). But staying friends with him made me realize how he isn't the the guy I want, how much he changed and how his "friendly" company doesn't suit me. At first it was because I wanted more but then because I could see it clearly that we are just so different and that it would probably end even if we weren't in LDR. He broke up with me out of the blue, without any warnings. I didn't have time to "prepare". So I guess I needed some after breakup closure to fall out of love with him so I could finally let him go. I'm still not completely over him, but I know I don't want to be with him anymore, not close not long distance, because that's not the guy I know anymore...

    • I'm glad you could realize and be sure that he is not the one for you. I wish I could feel this now, but it is going to take time. He said he still loves me, not like he fell out of love, but obviously this love is beyond his potentials. But he was aware of the difficulties we would face we discussed them and even made plans about them. Maybe 4 months is enough to know whether you can do it or not like you said, but for true love I find it a very short time to give up on something real.
      I still have a chance to talk to him after 3 days he said he will call to discuss as he has finals now, but even though he seemed determined about his decision and I'm not really hopeful about it, but I will try for the last time to explain things with him. I need my closure to move on I couldn't get it so only for this sake. It's been 27 days since the break up.
      Would you advice me anything before I get to talk to him? I would love a chance for this relationship and somehow I feel lost with my words.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Experience tells me. . . no. Long-distance relationships seldom work.
    There is any old saying: He/she does not have anything that you do not have, but he/she has it here.

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    • Can you explain the saying? not sure I got it well.

    • What it means is that without the frequent contact the attachment will fade. Add to that the needs that people have, especially for sex. No matter how well intentioned someone may be at the beginning of the long-distance relationship, human nature will eventually come into play.
      That is why so many men away at war receive 'dear John' letters.

    • I get your points and I do understand, but when I see how I still love him just the same way as I did when we were together I still believe that it depends on how true you love is to the person and how much you truly want them and no other. I mean why am I the only one still having the same feelings and the same thoughts of him?

What Girls Said 2

  • I share your predicament. The last guy I've dated gave me the same crap.

    If you ask me, I don't think the problem is the distance. The problem is him.

    Took me a long while before I could snap myself out of this, but I do believe you deserve better than someone who would not fight for you.

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    • I think the same too. It's about them, not the distance. I keep asking myself why haven't my feelings changed for him? Why am I willing to wait for him while he is not? Nothing is impossible if you truly want it, it's just hard to meet someone who will stick around through the good and bad. I'm having a hard time just trying to believe that we are over.

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    • Thanks a lot dear! Wish you a better future relationship =)

    • you too! life has much more to offer :)

  • Not everyone can stand being in a LDR. It takes a certain kind of personality that comes with it. Just because you truly love someone doesn't mean it's bound to last. Sometimes love only stays for a month, sometimes love stays for every firework, every hospital visit, every birthday party. Maybe love stays, maybe love doesn't, may love can't. But whatever happens doesn't mean that that person will be the only one for you because they're the only ones that you want at that moment. We constantly change and maybe one day you'll find someone else. If it ends up you two being together, great. If not, it was an experience and you have the memories.

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    • True. Not everyone can stand a long distance relationship, in fact no one does even those who made it, but you do stand it because you truly love the person. You don't have to see someone everyday to still be in love them it's about the heart. If both think it's worth it, then it can happen with patience and faith. Life is short, time is fast, I wouldn't lose someone I dream of living with just because I can't wait. I would wait.
      Or at least, I wouldn't give big promises that would lead the other person on then all of a sudden and very soon I tell them there is no hope! At least consider the other end's feelings this is so hurtful. I see it as not being loyal or faithful to this love because I don't see that he even tried to make it work. I understand it doesn't always work, but you wouldn't know if you don't try!

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    • One thing I am sure about is the distance. Only that one reason. If we were together he wouldn't leave me. He says for how long you would wait for me. He is stuck with his new job and I'm stuck with my family. I don't find this a reason to get someone you are in love with out of your life! It is like I'm not worth waiting for or trying for and it kills me because I was willing to do all that for him and thought he would as he promised!

    • People change, circumstances change. He was being realistic. He may have said it was only because of that but it could be a lot of other things behind it like how he might not of wanted to put you through years of it if it were the case.

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