Confused about ex boyfriend actions?

Sorry if this is long. I'll try to readers digest past events. My ex broke up with me in February after a big fight. (Cops were called by neighbors, protection order in place) We have two kids and I'm due very soon with our 3rd. We didn't talk until end of March. He finally saw the kids then also. He said he wasn't emotional attracted to me. He's 24 and acts 15 by the way. So anyways flash forward to April him and I hung out a few times had sex. He had said before he wanted to go slow in being friends again. Nope went fast. We been texting off and on talking on phone. He's the type to suppress feelings and not communicate. I've had insecurities. I'm going to therapy.

Flash forward to now. Two weeks ago he spent 5 days 4 nights over my house to help with the kids I was sick. Of course he got the tummy bug while he was here. We had sex 3 times. Everything was great we got along acted like a couple. He went home Monday and Tuesday boom he was kinda mean the rest of the week. He refused to buy our daughter a highchair after he said he would. He said he didn't know how he felt after the week he was over, then he said he felt edgy to come in the house. I think feelings came out and he's confused. Saw him yesterday when he dropped off money and things were fine. He seemed kinda unsure maybe? I've been trying to pull back. He didn't hug me goodbye like he usually does.

To sum up actions kinda, he went from texting me when he got home from work or my house to not doing that anymore. He chooses his game and sometimes Facebook. He usually texts me every morning at work asking how the kids are and later at night somnetimes hedoesnt ask in the morning now. He went from being nice to kinda mean to kinda nice. I know he listens to what his mother tells him. I'm sure she's giving him ideas. He was buying me food or drinks or stuff now he stopped. He was going to move back in then he changed his mind, then it was for the month of August when the baby is due, now
Forgot to mention these recent actions started AFTER he spent those days/nights.
I'm just getting tired of always trying to decipher what he's doing or things mean or his actions mean.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • The issue isn't him. He's made his maturity clear by his actions... he's moody and acts like a baby.

    The real problem is you. You know who he is and what he's like. And yet you continue to keep him in your life on an intimate level.

    We teach others how to treat us, and you've taught him that what ever he's like you're going to bend over backwards to make him comfortable and happy.

    He's like a child.. he doesn't care what you say.. he only cares what you do.

    So it doesn't matter if you're giving him boundaries and telling him what you need from him... because that all goes out the window when you're having sex with him.

    Stay with your therapy, get your head right, and put the safety of your children first. Your own neediness is something you can resolve with close friends and family, you don't need him to feel safe, secure, or happy. And you won't be able to have any proper perspective on what a healthy relationship looks like until you fix your relationship with yourself.

    At least in my limited opinion.

    Best of luck, you deserve it.


    ~ Robby

    • Thank you for answering. He does seem to make it all about him. It would be nice if he want go go back out but I guess he needs to change too. He's not to reliable tho he says he wants to be there for the birth. I deff don't plan on leaving therapy. Its helping. My therapist did say I would take him back regardless right now. I guess its being pregnant and just being used to him. Sigh.. thank you again. Your answer is helping me think.

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    • Ya, what's most important is your safety and the safety of your cute growing family. If you can't help yourself around him then instead put your baby first... keep him away for her sake. The error is making decisions with your feelings, because feelings aren't facts. It's hard to have perspective when what you want is bad for you. Like alcoholics wanting to drink, or smoking, or going back to bad boyfriends.

      Find a way to fill the needs that you think he's supposed to be filling, and you'll stop going back to him. If you're lonely, make closer friends or reconnect with family. Being alone doesn't mean lonely. You can't be lonely when you're with people you love.

      You get the idea. :D

    • I see what your saying. He's not a dangerous person by any means. Plus I'm always around when he's with the kids.

What Girls Said 1

  • Unfortunately, he is in the driver's seat in regards to this relationship. He moved out, and now it's HIS choice on whether he will move back in, etc. Perhaps he is acting immaturely, but I wonder if at least some of the reason the story keeps changing on his side is because he is confused himself. Fights causing police to be called, protective orders to be put in place, etc are not normal and healthy in a relationship. They are signs of a toxic, unhappy one. Maybe he doesn't want to come back for the relationship, but it's the kids that's a big factor, he doesn't necessarily want to leave THEM. Especially with you about to have a newborn together. If there were no children involved, he probably would have left and that would've been the end of it. But there are children involved, so it's a whole lot more complicated. Quite frankly, it would be easier in a way for you two to resolve things, and move forward in the relationship but just because something is easier, doesn't make it the right choice.

    It's great that you are getting counseling, however, you two should be getting counseling together as well, I think. He's not going to figure out whether he wants to stay or go by testing the waters with sex occasionally and staying over here and there. You guys need a professional to help guide you through the pros and cons, wants and needs, to make a decision on what's best for BOTH of you for the future.

    In the mean time, he is gone. You're already calling him your ex. You need to try and not focus on if/when/how often he's reaching out to communicate with you and focus on your children and what is happening in your life as a single person. Especially focusing on getting ready to become a mother to a newborn, which is the toughest job on Earth! Good luck to you, I hope everything works out!

    • Thank you for your response. How do I get the control back? Its feels not fair I'm doing all the work, raising kids while he does what he wants and keeping his paycheck to himself. (Not saying he can't spend money on himself) the police were only called once. When he was over here it was perfect, he seemed to enjoy himself. The sad thing is I'm 100% sure his mom is telling him things and he deff listens to her. He agreed on consoling together but then of course changed his mind. It's frustrating. I call him my ex because he says were just friends. Tho is famous motto is "the future isn't set in stone" I'm hoping when our baby is born maybe that will bring out the emotions and we can work things out. I just don't like how he doesn't text like he used too since he spent those nights. I think he still has feelings just not ready to feel them yet.

      I do have to stop focusing on what he's doing because I'm sure he's not worried about my doings. He figures I'm right here waiting so he's not

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    • Already got child support going and getting. He usually sees them on weekdens. It him myself and the kids. This past Sunday it rained and because he feels "edgy" coming into the house all of a sudden because he spent the nights he didn't see them. He has therapy on sat and has always depressed so he won't come around then. My son has autism so it makes it harder on me because first dad was gone then back then who knows what and he doesn't understand. He's 7 and verbal. He's on the spectrum.

    • He's kinda putting us on he back burner. That his game and Facebook are more important to go on. I know I need to stop checking up on it though. It gets frustrating after a while and hurts.

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