Did I Overreact When He Hit Me?

So my boyfriend (now ex) and I were dating for 4 months, and in the first two months everything was great. I let him move in (big mistake) and things started going south really bad very fast. In the beginning he warned me that he had "a bit of a temper", but assured me that he was just loud when he argued. Which was fine, because I always walk away when arguments get bad until things simmer down. Well, this was hard with him; he started out just shouting, then throwing things, then hitting walls. I kicked him out after he backed me into a corner and was screaming overtop of me because it scared me, I'm only 5'0" and he's 6'4". I let him move back in when he promised to see a therapist. Once he moved back in, he never went to therapy.

It all fell apart, we had a big blow up when I discovered he was talking to his ex via text (he left his phone open) and I was super upset. He got mad at me because he claimed I was a hypocrite for having a platonic male friend, which somehow made him talking to his ex saying how much he missed her was okay. We got into a match of yelling and I tried to walk away, and he grabbed me. I told him to let me go and I admittedly cursed at him, and then he slapped me. It was hard enough that my back hit the counter and it left a bruise. I was quiet and then I told him to leave immediately. He tried to apologize and I kept telling him to leave. He then got verbally abusive and then I called the cops and had him removed. I refused to talk to him again or see him again after that. He and a few of my friends say I am overreacting and that I need to learn to forgive, since he never hit me before that night and in a way I "instigated him." I was raised to never allow anybody to put their hands on me and he broke his promise to get help. I don't want to have to be afraid, but people are making me second guess myself.

Did I overreact? Should I consider talking to him again or move on?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh my god, no! You are defiantly not over reacting. He yelled and screamed at you first which can easily progress into something worse. Which obviously it did. He will do it again if he gets angry enough. Move on from him, you deserve so much better. I am so glad you had the chance to kick him out. You are strong! Most women in an abusive relationship can't do that. My ex text multiple girls and hitting on them. He screamed at me for looking at his phone when I witnessed him texting someone. He almost push me down the stairs. Thank god you got out safety. Don't listen to your friends, do what you think it right.

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    • Well it was easy for me to kick him out because he isn't on the lease for my apartment. I got it before I met him and just let him move in, we never officially put him on the lease. It might have been worse if he was actually on the lease. But thank you. I'm sorry you had a bad experience too though.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • he's a retard and a bully... better dump his ass

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    • Oh I did. I haven't spoken to him in a few days.

  • never talk to him again. domestic abuse is not okay

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  • Fool me once, shame on you.
    Fool me twice, shame on me.
    You should cut this guy out of your life, and you honestly should have never let him in.

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  • No way.
    Some might say you underreacted

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    • Well honestly if I was bigger I probably would have hit him back. But I'm only 5'0" 110lbs. He's 6'3" and almost 200 lbs.

    • Yeah I guess there's nothing you could do about it. At least one of you is mature

    • I try my best.

What Girls Said 7

  • I wouldn't. This is someone who has been intimidating to you in the past, backing you into corners, and then thought that it was okay to slap you. If someone does that, they clearly lack respect for you and respect is vital in any relationship. I don't think you over reacted and I think that, after agreeing on circumstances involving him going to get help for his anger and him ignoring that agreement, you're entitled to not want to do anything with him again.

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    • Yes everyone is just saying that he seems so nice, and to other people he does. He is a nice guy but once the switch goes he turns into a freaking asshole. I'm scared of him because I'm only 5'0" and 110 lbs... he's 6'3" and almost 200 lbs but everyone says I should learn to forgive.

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    • I would definitely say that he's abusive and I advise that you remove him from your life and never look back because it's going to be better for you to do so.

    • Well he's out of my apartment and I blocked his number. If he tries to push contact I'll consider getting a protection order.

  • You were raised right, you did not over react at all girl. Don't ever allow anyone to hit you, this would be the first of many assaults if you go back with him. It only gets harder and harder to leave an abusive relationship the longer it goes on get out and stay out is my advice.

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    • Well he's out of my place now. I am considering getting a protective order.

  • Do not take him back again. Your reaction is totally justified. He's an abusive prick. You don't need him in your life.

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  • It doesn't matter if you "instigated" a guy should never lay hands on you ever. i think its time for you to move on. i stayed with a guy who was abusive and i regret it. i flinch away from my boyfriend who i've been with for 2 years and even my own daughter because of the ex that hit me. you don't want that.

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    • I did break up with him, he is out of my apartment now, but he has tried really hard to contact me and my friends have turned on me and tried to say I should find it in me to forgive him. I just don't think I can.

    • Well fuck them. if they were your actual friends they would have chosen your side over someone who hits women. you don't need that in your life and i hope you don't go back.

    • I don't plan on it. I could never have him back in my home.

  • DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. He had no right to hit you and he will only do it again if you go back to him. This is not overreacting and despite what he said you did not 'instigate him'. Create as much distance between you and him as you can.

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  • O hell no you didn't over react he hit you and that is not ok if i were u i would never speak to him again dont take him back for you own good.

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  • Good job getting out of there. if that is just in the beginning it will only get worse. Relationships get way more stressful down the line which can escalate violence.

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