How to deal with my boyfriend's temper?

My boyfriend has the worst temper. He will get angry over anything and always takes it out on me. He will either rant (using profanities) or he will direct his anger at me and start freaking out, saying to "not make that look" or bitch about how I apparently didn't do something, yet it was him that didn't do it, etc. He yells, screams, and will go on for hours. He hasn't hit me, but he will break my personal belongings if he gets angry enough and went as far as to burn old family photos because I said I was too tired to go out to dinner with him. He actually shredded a bunch of my lingerie once too because I refused to have sex with him so I "couldn't wear it for my other boyfriends" ... since apparently if I ever don't want to go on a date or have sex it means I have other boyfriends. Oh, in case it wasn't obvious, he also constantly accuses me of cheating, even though I work 12 hour shifts and come straight home. I can't have a social life because he'll get pissed and accuse me of everything under the sun from cheating to selling my body for money.

Every time I threaten to leave, he breaks down and cries. He blames it on being abused by his dad and cheated on by his shitty ex girlfriend, but then he turns around and refuses to get help because "some stranger can't tell him what's wrong." I am so beaten down... I don't know if I have the strength to continue on with him if things don't change. How do I remedy this situation? And if leaving is the only choice... how can I do so safely?

Updates:
We're both on the lease of the apartment we live in. I own most of the furniture but he does own some of it. I can't leave it there with him because he will destroy it and I have a lot of sentimental belongings there. It isn't as easy as me packing up some panties and leaving.

0|0
25

Most Helpful Guy

  • Cutting up your panties and burning your photo album may be enough for you to get an order of protection to get him out of the apt. You need to get him on paper because he is going to kill you or try then blame it on you.

    You were not very smart to move in with a guy who had a hint of a bad temper. An order means he cannot talk to you. Once issued, run as far as you can. Time everything. If he is going to go to jail or be mad plan it for a Friday night that way he will spend the weekend in jail.

    1|0
    0|0
    • He didn't show this temper until AFTER he moved in. He was sweet as pie and never showed any hint of it until we were living together.

    • Get rid of him, he will hurt you badly and you can see it coming. Soon any little thing will tick him off and there will be more times and fewer time between his shows. Forcing you to have sex can be rape but you loose a lot of rights when you agree to move in with him.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Do you have any friends you can stay with that he doesn't know about? You don't want to be with a guy like this. He's inseIcure and has some kind of mental disorder. What I would do is pack your stuff and move out when he's not there. Now I'm not sure how much stuff you have, but you could always just move some stuff little by little if you have a bunch. That way he probably won't notice either. Then one day when he's not there move it all out at once and never go back to him again and don't text him anymore. You're much better off by yourself then to be with someone like that.

    0|0
    0|0
    • We have a place together and I own most of the furniture but we're both on the lease, so I would have to negotiate who was going to go where.

    • Oh ok well then you'll have to get some help obviously. What you could do is go to your local police station and tell them about your situation and see if you could have some cops keep the peace like the other person said, and you can have a moving company move your stuff out of the apartment in an hour or so since it seems like a lot of the stuff is furniture. Now as far as placing a restraining order on him and all that I think that is your decision, but in my opinion it is extremely important that you go somewhere he can't find you.

  • Bake him cookies.

    0|0
    1|0
  • Fuck him, he using you. If you wanna stay with that go ahead, but I seen this before. He using you as a mental punching bag for all his insecurities. Fuck him

    0|0
    0|0
  • And you deserve it for staying people like that won't change LEAVE

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 2

  • He is a manipulative and abusive man. Don't threaten to leave, just leave. It is only going to get worse and worse. Please get out now. I've seen this happen way too many times to friends and loved ones.

    0|0
    0|0
    • It isn't that easy. We have a place together and we're both on the lease. We both own things in the apartment so there would have to be some negotiating. I couldn't leave him there alone without him destroying my belongings... so I feel trapped.

    • Show All
    • Okay... good to know. He has done damage to the apartment so maybe I could get him evicted.

    • Talk to your landlord ASAP then. Good luck.

  • Leave.. Please leave. His "happiness " isn't your responsibility.

    I'd say break. up with him somewhere public, or at least where you have friends that know what's going on. That's much safer for you since he sounds psycho and dangerous.

    0|0
    0|0
    • He has been through a lot so yeah his temper is bad but I know it's not an excuse. My only fear is that he is on the lease of our apartment and all of his stuff is there, so if I broke up with him I would HAVE to see and speak to him again since we live together.

    • Show All
    • Can you move it out ASAP then?
      Your safety is more important than the furniture

    • I don't know how to move it out without him knowing. I know it's dumb because it's furniture but I can't really move out without any belongings. Is there any other way than just trying to backpack my way out because I don't see that working. Is there anyway to get HIM out?

Loading...