I've been friends with someone for a while now and we started dating recently. I was hesitant at first and asked him if he would try to make it last. He said he would do everything in his power to do so.
I talked to him today and he seemed a bit off. Eventually I convinced him to tell me what was on his mind and he told me he was also interested in another girl as well as me. I told him I wanted the best for him, even if it wasn't the best for me, and if he thinks he'll be happier with that girl, then go for it because nothing will happen between them if he doesn't make a move. So he said he will. And now I have regret; I wasn't thinking about myself at all. He said this isn't over yet, but he'll break up with me if the girl reciprocates. I'm the back-up plan, that really hurts. That hurts more than knowing he's going to break up with me. We haven't spoke since.
I feel I'm not good enough if he thinks he'll be happier with someone else. He asked if he wasn't happy with this choice if he could come back, and I said yes- but now I'll be left knowing I don't satisfy him and if he does come back, I'm the second option.
I feel lied to that he would make a promise and break it so early. For a while I'll have trouble trusting him again and believing what he says.
If he gets rejected or regrets his decision and comes back, I don't know what to do. How much should I tell him about how I feel and how would we go about our relationship from then on? I need to clear my head. This is a big blow to my self esteem, I don't know if I should believe him about anything and I'm not sure I can trust him for a while. How I feel romantically, I don't know, my thoughts are everywhere and I don't know what I want anymore.
Should I be looking through his eyes? His side? I'm confused. I need some pointers, advice, and someone to offer their input.
Most Helpful Guy
Fuck him, I literally can not believe he told you that. I would never let a girl know she is the backup plan, I would tell her I have stronger feelings for someone else and end it there.
It's not fair to you AT ALL, "Yeah so if it doesn't work out I guess I can come back to you." - Basically what he told you
You shouldn't have to put up with this, you deserve better and should find someone who makes you their #1 choice.1