Am I really the bitch in this scenario?

So my boyfriend of roughly 10 years broke up with me last night in a mad tantrum. Here's an essay to explain what happened... appreciate people's thoughts, especially guys.

So I'm going through a very stressful time in work at the moment and know I haven't been the most fun to be around for the last couple of weeks. A fight had been brewing for the last couple of days as I have been home late every night and each day coming home to him just relaxing with video games and tv and the house in a mess, with no dinner prepared and absolutely no intention to even help. Should add that he's not working at the moment. Usually we share most of the chores but for whatever reason my recent stress seems to have made him less helpful rather than the other way around.

Every night this week I have come home late, tired, hungry and cranky but still made sure we got something to eat, each time hoping he'll reciprocate the next evening. Never happened. Last night he had a couple of friends over and we had a good time for a few hours, after which they left pretty early around 10 PM. Five minutes later he turns to me and asks "what's for dinnner". I told him its his turn to think of something and he immediately calls me a bitch. Then says he wants Indian takeaway. Then asks me if I ordered yet. I said "no, did you?". Again, "bitch". I was too tired to argue so I got up and rang them. He was sighing and rolling his eyes and eventually just got up and went up to our bedroom.

After 15 mins I followed him to see what was going on, well aware that he was annoyed that I hadn't just ordered the food with a happy face straight after he asked me to. I guess part of me wanted to clear the air but at the same time I wasn't in the mood for a fight. He was just sitting on the bed staring at the wall so I asked what was wrong. He said he just wanted to get away from me. I asked why, said the food was on the way and asked if I'd done something to annoy him. He got angr
Oops looks like only part of my long essay got posted. What happened after was ridiculous. I walked away but said something angry to myself when I got back downstairs, just venting. He heard me through the ceiling and went crazy. Started screaming and banging things, calling me all the curses you can think of. I went back up to calm him down but there was no talking to him. Violent and smashing things, saying I just won't leave him alone.
Smashed a picture frame, glass all over the floor. Pinned me to the wall. didn't hurt me though but I could see in his eyes how badly he wanted to. Said we are finished and that he hates me. Locked himself in the spare bedroom. I walked away hoping he'd calm down with some space. haven't heard a word from him since. It's a day later and he's still locked in there. Tried texting to ask if we can talk but no response.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow... what a piece of work this guy has turned out to be (That is, I hope was more mature at one time). I mean, he is utterly unsupportive, lazy, can't be bothered with helping out, or even picking up a freaking phone... AND he's just happy to sit and play video games though, rather than beating the pavement to find a job. Perfect. Prince Charming. This begs the question of why are you still with him, or even care about him anymore?

    • I know. You get locked into situations I guess. Ten years is a long time and we've had our ups and downs. This time I think I'm finally seeing that he'll never grow up and I could never start a family with someone so childish. Which is tough to accept at age 32. But I know it would be even worse to have to face it in another 10 years, and as he is already 35, chances of him changing now are probably slim.

    • I understand. It's almost too easy not to see ourselves or our path clearly sometimes, when we are on it. But the main thing is that you are getting clear now, and yes, before another precious 10 years are gone. You are smart to understand he won't change, like most men, who don't mature beyond a high school mentality level. I've seen this my whole life. It doesn't matter how old they are, or from which generation. Wiser still is not even thinking to start a family with someone like him. Which would turn into a nightmare for you in many ways, and deprive any children of an engaged and fully present father. Never mind one who lashes out in vulgarities when confronted.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like both of you are at fault to be honest. You have been working more and the lack of sleep over time can make even the most kind person to become overly irritable. Man don't see things the same way, having a clean house usually isn't seen as important to them as it may to us. Yes house hold choirs should be divided equally but it sounds like you might not have expressed that to him. Sounds like you have been holding all your feelings inside and he probably has been walking on egg shells until he finally snapped. Both of you have been on edge clearly and this was the result of resentment on both sides. You resented him for the lack of help around the house especially with being out of work and he with you for probably constantly reminding him of being out work.

    • I agree with pretty much all of that, with the exception that I never complain at all about him not working. So whatever it is he resents me for, its not that. Aside from that I completely agree that I should have said something sooner rather than being passive aggressive.

    • Men tend to feel crappy when they aren't contributing financially and deal with it differently. Gaming is probably his way of coping a distraction to real life. My ex was like that.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • From what you wrote so far it just looks like something was bubbling up in him for a while and he just blew up out of nowhere. You are in no case at fault here.

    • Probably was bubbling for a while alright, the last few weeks have been tense. He has a temper and we have fought many times before but never over something this ridiculous.

  • you must share responsibilities if you want relationship to work
    as simple as that :D :D

    • Of course. I think he would argue that he does all the "heavy lifting" such as putting any new furniture together or shelves on the wall. And in fairness he does normally cook a couple of times a week, just stopped when I needed him the most. Feels sooo stupid to break up over something like this though.

    • Show All
    • correction :- her = him :D

    • :) yeah I'm sure I could beg and apologize and let him win. But I kinda feel like my frustration was justified and that he overreacted something incredibly. I guess thats why I'm looking for people's opinion on whether I am actually in the wrong here and should try to apologize, or wait for him to come to me.

What Girls Said 2

  • He sounds like a lazy pathetic pussy. He's not working, he's adding responsibilities to you that he should be doing himself, and though I understand people not wanting to be around someone who is stressed, a caring boyfriend would have tried to ease it for you.

    It's good that he broke up. You can now date a real man instead of a 12 year old.

    • Yes I would like to think that he could be a bit more understanding. He becomes a big baby when he gets angry, probably due to childhood trauma with parents that fought a lot. Its easy to make excuses, I'm jumping between thinking a breakup is for the best and my instinct to want to make up with the person I've loved for so many years. You're right though, his behavior is not that of an adult.

    • Oh my God, please don't waste anymore time on someone who--if he's your age--is unlikely to grow up. I understand that you're in love with him, but he genuinely seems selfish and uncaring for you NOW no matter what he was like in the past. No one deserves that and I would hate to see anyone wake up after giving someone like this another chance and it not work out.

  • Sounds like your better with out him


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