My husband dumped me yesterday. What do you make of this?

I'm 35 not 25... by the way.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years.
for the last 8 we have not had sex once.
this drove me to seek affection elsewhere (which I instantly regretted and came clean about)
he said some quite horrible things to me yesterday.
He said that he was seeing me and his ex at the same time (that it wasn't cheating because we had not had sex yet)
that at he has never had any butterflies or feelings for me ever.
that he only stayed with me until the kids had grown up enough and that he knew they were going to be ok
that when he bought me the engagement ring he wasn't even thinking about marrying me. He just thought he should since he was hitting thirty.
He said I'm a psycho and that he hates me for affecting his promotion (this didn't happen btw)
i ended up up losing the plot and I smashed every photo of us together. As I was picking up one of the pictures (it still had glass attached) he grabbed it off me with force that it slashed my hand.
What at I want to know is why is he being like this?
Is he having an affair?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all I am terribly sorry to hear that your husband left you. I've never been married but it's never nice when a partner dumps you all of a sudden without trying to work things out. Secondly I don't blame you for seeking affection elsewhere since you weren't receiving any over an 8 year period which is incredibly long time!!! You did the right thing by coming clean about your affair as it shows that you had the courage to tell your husband why you did it. The mean things which your husband is saying about you is incredibly hurtful, disrespectful and down right out of line!!! If your husband didn't love nor have strong feelings for you then why did he agree to get married? (This is no reflection on you).

    Male intuition tells me that your husband could have quite possibly been having an affair and what he's said about you is an excuse to end your marriage so he can be with someone else whom he has supposedly true feelings for. This is not a nice a situation for you to be left with children to look after on your own and if your husband had any decency then he'd come clean and tell you the real reason he ended your marriage.

    I hope you find someone who truly deserves you :-)

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    • Anonymous asker feel free to send me a private message if you like. Keep your head up :-)

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What Guys Said 5

  • From what you said, he never felt anything for you at all. so why did he marry you? And nowhere did you say anything about loving him. So why did yo marry him? You asked is he having an affair? So what if he is? There is nothing to hold you two together. Just let him go and forget him. It was over before it began.

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    • I haven't loved him for 3 years.
      I did before that

  • Are you okay? Why would he marry you if he never felt anything for you? And why would he say those horrible things to you? I'm really sorry for you...

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    • He's just a terrible person if all he does is blame everything on you. You didn't do anything wrong.

  • He is most likely having an affair, and he is projecting his unpredictable psychotic behavior on you.

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  • So, he's almost 40 now and he's blaming you for his life not going anywhere?

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    • It appears so!
      I'm wondering if he's been having an affair.
      He's been leaving the house during the night. I've woken up at 4 in the morning and he and his car were gone.
      When I asked about it he said he went to work early. The only thing is his work starts at 7:30 I don't think they would have been open then

    • It sounds highly suspicious... I would say he is either having an affair... his actions and absence seem to indicate that he believes that the grass is greener elsewhere...

  • ... Um... Okay, that was quite the overreaction... And honestly, I'm amazed you even lasted 8 years. And to be honest, I think he's just very stressed out from various things affecting his life, and he finally poured it all out on you. Either that, or he... Really didn't love you from the start. Especially since apparently both of you were seeing other people, and he's the one that did all this. You were right to come clean, and you have the right to get the kids and get the heck outta there.

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What Girls Said 6

  • He sounds like the physco not You... anyway i am terribly sorry for tour situation Hope life Goes easy on you... you Will find someone else one Day who Will love you vert Much.. dont worry its hard i know but dont worry..

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  • I think that maybe he loved you at one point, or he thought he did, but now he doesn't. People fall out of love. Love is like the weather; always subjected to change. So, I think it's time you guys left each other. Parted ways. Thing fall apart, some so bad that you can't fix it. This sounds like one of those things.

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  • sorry for what happened to you! sounds like he is having an affair and is using his hurtful behaviour as an excuse

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  • That's so sad. Just plan to get out. First priority...

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  • oh i am so sorry. fuck him. those are terrible things to tell you. you gave him 12 years, children and that is how he treats you!! i know how it feels i was in a 9 year relationship and i feel like the entire thing was a sham and know he didn't love me after i left because i saw things for the first time clearly. the only thing you can do is become the best version of yourself and try to stay positive. get counseling and go to support groups.

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  • Hmmmhmmmm. that's a no no

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