Would it be ok to contact my ex now?

We broke up after 2 years long distance. he lost feelings for me in our fight to make it non long distance. I haven't contacted him in a month, but would like to now.

Would it be wrong to text him this? "Hey I miss talking, would you mind if I called you tonight?

Updates:
OK so yeah, I just texted it, didn't work. I got no response. What a douche. Why am I in love a douche bag... seriously.
I wish there was a book on this stuff, seriously everything that I'm looking for I can't find.Like "Getting back with your ex, in the 21st century - First 1/2 for guys - 2nd half for girls - with all Facebook - MySpace, - instant messaging - e-mail, etc
New Update: I texted him one week ago. He said this "Tonight really isn't a good night, my great grandpa just passed away yesterday, and we are trying to plan the funeral, maybe later in the week." - That was his response.
My friend Mike said I should wait, and text him on Thursday, so that would be 11 days from the text. I mean he hasn't tried to contact me in the meantime.


I know it just seems like a pointless situation, but I love him.
Ok, well now I have two options.


I mean, these are my last two options. (Most likely they will either both get rejected.)


I know you guys said do not contact him... Of course...
But, I don't think I'm going to listen to the no contact rule


A. Write him a final letter saying. this is the last and final thing I will ever have to say. I won't contact you ever again. I'm fine with being on my own. (use victorious tone)
link


here is the link to the letter
B. Call him. because he said "maybe later." - act happy if he answers, be optimistic, mention my trust fund (I can buy a car, an apt, and invest it into starting my own business if I wanted.) (he may realize I could move to TX if I wanted too.
Tell him about all the crazy good things that have been happening. Try to make him realize why he fell in love with me in the first place.


If he doesn't answer - Ill burn his stuff, and never contact him again - no message.

C. No contact. Never risk anything again. My friend don gave me good advice. If he loved me, moving in with him wouldn't matter. It wouldn't matter how much money we had. We would make it work. He also made me watch the Dennis system.
Oh, and PS: still have to add to the ending of the letter. I was thinking about not doing the letter, and just trying the phone call method, and if didn't work, then I'd be done forever.
When I said burning his stuff, I meant my stuff like his pictures, our notebook, stuff he gave me, like taking jewelry to the pawn shop, and then giving the money to charity. Mainly burning pictures.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't text him again, he knows your around, let it be for now. Wait until after the holidays if your going to do it again you don't want him thinking you've been sitting around the past 11 days thinking about it ( even though you have). My gut tells me he prob did move on because normally people jump on the opp if the ex they still had feelings for contacted them

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    • What is the opp? I mean he told me later in the week. I didn't call him later in the week. My sister's boyfriend just said call him Thursday, like it is the magical day. I don't get it. All I know is I'm supposed to talk to him like I did at the beginning of the relationship, and then maybe make him remember why he ever fell in love with me in the first place. I love him to death. I woke up at 5am thinking about him today already. And I know I can't be emotional when I call him.

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    • Thanks, that is great advice. I mean my emotions right now are kind of wishy washy right now. Sometimes I'm like I should call, other times, I'm like no I shouldn't call. But I think this is the best advice you gave me.

      My friend Don is telling me I should burn old pictures and stuff, but those were the only pictures I kind of took for the last 2 years. I really need to find a box, or maybe just burn them. I don't know.

    • I knw exactly how your feeling its not fun! Your veryyyy lucky he doesn't hve Facebook or MySpace because after my first break up I was going his page everyday it was BAD lol...Don't burn the pictures or anything you will def. regret that later on. I put everything in a box that was related to my ex and I still have it, sometimes when I go through it I read the cards we wrote each other and its actaully humorous now to see how much I am over him. It WILL get easier, you just have to focus on you!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • @Your Updates: You really need to stop. You're getting overly obsessed over this matter and it's going to get you nowhere good. Simply put, he doesn't care. He doesn't care if you are rich now. He doesn't care if you have changed. He doesn't care if your life is amazing without him. He's already moved on. You need to move on, too.

    Don't text him. Don't call him. Don't write him a letter. Don't get into contact with him "just one last time" because if you get into that cycle it will never stop. You'll keep making excuses of why you need to contact him "just one more time" until eventually he changes his email address, phone number, etc.

    Just stop and move on. Find a guy that wants to be with you.

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    • Sounds like your p*ssed. More easily said then done. You could be more polite seriously. If you can't really say anything nice, then I don't want to hear your comment. Thanks for the honesty though. I don't care if I update the rest of my life. Your still here responding to cases, and I don't know what your problem is. This is hard for me, whether you are empathetic or not.

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    • Sorry, you misunderstood my response, and looking back I can see why. What I meant was my response was directed to all of your updated information. When I said "You really need to stop" I was referring to your actions with your ex, not your updates. You're right, you can update your question as much as you want and I don't really care if you do or not. I'm not p*ssed, I'm just trying to emphasize certain points so they sink in.

    • It may come across as harsh, but sometimes we really need someone to be blunt with us. I had friends that sugarcoated the fact that the guy I was in love with just DIDN'T like me anymore, when I wish someone would've just told me to get over it, and the guy really was a loser. Secretly, we know they're right, but it's easier to think they'll come around. It takes time, but you'll get over him.

  • I'm confused... you posted your question 25 minutes ago. You posted your follow up 7 minutes ago saying he did not respond. Does he pack his phone around with him 24/7 and respond instantly to text messages? Is it not possible he could be busy or have his phone turned off for whatever reason?

    But aside from that, why did you want to call him tonight? It sounds like you're grasping for the past while he's already moved on. Best thing to do is for you to move on as well.

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    • Thanks, yeah, well I dk no for sure if he can respond instantly. but yeah, it would be kind of nice, for him to say, hey no I don't want to talk, instead of nothing at all. Why are guys such jerks. They can say hey I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and then give you nothing at all.

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    • Wow, that's not at all funny, and it isn't a lie either.

    • Why do guys throw away good things? I just don't get it.

  • One month?!? WAY too soon. More like six, minimum.

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    • Why is there such a rule like this?

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    • I feel like I already know the answer to his question. My intuition is probably saying he won't answer his phone, and if he does I most likely won't like the answer. The last time I talked to him, was in December, and it wasn't a good conversation. He said he didn't know how we could fix something like this, and said he ignored everyone else in his life when he dated me. The last time I talked to him before that was the day we broke up.

    • He ended up getting back on fb. I deleted him though after about a month of seeing his profile. It just hurt to see his posts, and seeing him happy or just as happy when I was with him, as he is without me now. We broke up Oct 27. I really Truly feel it was a mistake. Everyone keeps telling me he isn't coming back. I'm trying so hard to get over him. I feel like I know for almost certain I won't be hearing from him again. He doesn't want to solve the problems, or has the "energy" anymore.

  • Maybe he just wants to put the whole thing, put it behind him. Put you behind him, too. Give him that.

    As far as burning his stuff goes, that seems really immature. Send it back to him.

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    • I don't have anything he wants or values. What does he want pictures of us? I doubt that. I mean I painted him a painting, he doesn't want that either. I could burn that too (it's my work, I spent hours on). I'm burning it for my own sake. I need to get over him. I mean it's either he wants me back, or I want him out of my mind.

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    • What do you mean serious issues?

      I mean, I love the guy. I mean, yes, it is hard, because those were the last 2 years of my life. It sucks because I have to be the one to forget them. He broke up with me. I spent thousands of dollars on our relationship. I gave him a second chance when he cheated on me and told me about it. He couldn't even give me a second chance in the end, or talk about things in person. He just left without any trace. He deleted his Facebook as well.

    • I'm 22 years old. I don't know what you mean by serious issues. I'm just broken. Emotionally I want him back, and yeah, I can't do anything about it. I guess you can say that is a serious issue. He lives miles away. It's tough because a guy says he wants to marry you, is responsible, sweet, and then there it is, it's over, just like that. You think your going to spend forever with someone, and then the next day your breaking up. I'm young, and I'm not a horrible person.

  • Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.

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    • What does that mean? I'm sort of slow at getting metaphors/quotes.....

      Anyways, I saw that you posted something...

What Girls Said 11

  • Let him be for now. Go on with your life. He may mean a lot to you but you have to stop thinking about him and put him on hold and not your life. He is living his, you need to live yours or else he will think you're all over him while he isn't at the time. You said his grandfather passed so let him grieve. When people are grieving, I find they want to talk to someone when they want to. I kept on bugging out my friend when his grandfather was in the hospital and he just needed his time. Just respect this guy's wishes, especially now. He will contact you when he wants. If he doesn't over a certain amount of time (maybe if you want it to be a month from now... or more or less), then drop him. You are acting the way I did over my ex. Let him miss you. He knows you miss him! If he doesn't have time to see that he lost this girl who's in love with him still, then it's his loss. Do not cal him! Do not text him! Do not message him. He said he would contact you, so let him.

    Don't even say happy holidays or new years because he should be. You are acting like a desperate ex girlfriend. No one likes a super needy person. It gives the other person power over you. You are going to lose your pride as a person.

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    • Ok, so yes that was what he said. I just want to talk to him, let him know things are going good in my life. I can tell him about my how I could buy a car, and invest in a business now if I had wanted. I just feel like I need to make one last phone call. And if it is a bad response, I'm going to burn pictures and all. Even his book that he made me. I don't know how I'm supposed to make him miss me. He's 2000 miles away. We broke up over the long distance issue, and him losing feeings.

  • To put this bluntly, you need to stop acting so desperate. He won't find it attractive and he won't take you back because of it. There are other men out there, and there are definitely other men out there who will love you and will love being with you. Do not call him. Do not text him. Do not write to him. Do not acknowledge that you even know who he is. Distance is an important way to cope with a break up. It's not always simple, and it's definitely not easy, but by holding onto him, you're only hurting yourself. Missing someone who you spent time with is normal, so you need to find something else to fill that time. Get a new hobby. Take this time to work on something that you've been meaning to. Catch up with your friends. You're a strong, independent woman, and you definitely do not need this man in your life if he doesn't want you in his.

    I don't know the specific reasons you broke up, but those reasons will need to be discussed and remedied before you can even consider getting back together. Take this time to reevaluate why you liked him. Maybe you'll see that he's not so wonderful afterall.

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  • Why do you think these guys are writing here? They are trying to help you. I get the impression that you need to grow up, and that you're a bit self-centred. All these people are rallying around you trying to help and you don't seem grateful. Could that be why you guys broke up?

    So first, pull yourself together. I know it's really tough, but we're all going through similar stories; hence this website with hundreds of members.

    Don't call him again. Keep your dignity. He knows you're there, and you aren't getting any hotter by calling him again. It is so obvious to him what you are trying to do. Leave him alone. If he misses you , he'll call. You're not giving him a chance to miss you at all.

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  • nope 2 years is a long time. if you guys ended badly, chances are it won't work out. he might hav moved on. why not find another guy who is better?

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  • It's called a breakup because it's broken. Don't try to salvage a relationship. Dating, sex, and all other engagements in a relationship change how you see the other person. In the time you broke up, I'm sure lots has changed... and maybe you should keep it that way. It's a fresh start. It would be different if you ran into each other in the grocery store, but you sought him out. If I were him, I'd be thinking you were trying to start up something again... not worth it. Wish him the best, but I wouldn't try to reconnect as friends.

    Ex's are just that.

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    • I've read that book. lol. So it says follow a rule book. I did end up contacting him, through aim once. He treated me like an old friend or acquaintance or something. But oh well. I'm going to wait a little bit more, and contact him by phone. I need closure. I didn't want to bring up the relationship in an aim conversation. Maybe I'll have to do it by aim. I mean that may be the only vehicle he will talk to me on. He did tell me that his mornings and nights were rough. I asked him why.

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    • I know when we first broke up I couldn't sleep for nights. I still wake up thinking about him actually. It's rather awful. My face feels all hot in the morning. and I sometimes have physical pain. So yeah it totally sucks. I mean he might be going through the same thing.

      But on the other hand. He could be just as miserable as me, or he just doesn't want to contact me, might feel bad, and is trying his best to forget me. IDK

    • If you have a really good reason for breaking up [i.e. he used to beat you] it's always best to move on but if it's just little things......

      Look it took me months to house train my dog. What if I had just given up, tossed my ol buddy out on the doorstep and purchased a new puppy to start over with? You can't teach an old dog new ticks but humans are smart, people can change if they choose to. There is always the possibility your new relationship could be better than the last.

  • Don't chase him now. You've already broken up. If he wants to get back together he'll be approaching you. If not, you should learn to let go. Texting him/ emailing him/ calling him won't bring him back, there's a reason he agreed to the breakup, perhaps it's more than distance.

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  • hahaha I was gonna say don't text him lol and wait for him to do so but you did already and you the same answer I was thinking about..poor thing

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    • I don't get it, why do guys throw away good things?

    • The same guys that thrw away good things are the same guys that settles with bad things for comfort because they are afraid to believe they deserve something better,cuz they don't belive on themselves either..low self esteem..

  • ok. well I texted my ex today and its been 2 months since we broke up. I feel devestated because he didn't answer. I felt rejected when he forwarded my calls.. so there you just end up feeling like a loser.

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  • Yes why not.

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  • you texted him,he said it wasn't a good time,leave it at "Sorry for your loss,know that if you need to talk I'll be here for you" then sit back and let him come to you.

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  • one month is not enough time. you should've left in 3 months.

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    • He just texted me and send his great grandpa passed away and that tonight is not a good night, but maybe later in the week. Do you think he means it, or is just trying to forget me?

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    • Yeah, I have hobbies. I just started to learn how to play pool. I love to paint, but I can't. I took all of my painting stuff home. My ipod accidentally got left there too, and now I can't go running. I know I should get off Facebook, and MySpace. It's unhealthy to do all of that stuff. I'm graduating in 2 weeks. I should be studying, but I can't get myself to do that either. I don't work, I wish I did though, so I didn't have to think about this anymore.

    • And when I do go out, all I can think of is my ex, and how he is getting with other people ( I honestly don't know this) but the thought kills me. I never got a chance to tell him, that I could have found a way to make our long distance non long distance anymore. I guess I have to wait 3 to 5 months, no contact for him to realize what I am worth to him. He's not on MySpace or Facebook like I am so it will be easier. He also has a job too. He also has friends to diss me.

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