Need Help Understanding Introverted Girlfriend

Usually I can figure out where a girl is coming from and if they are getting over a guy, looking for fun, looking for a relationship or if I am their first real boyfriend. The girl I am seeing now makes no sense to me at all and so I would like some insight from the girls.

Basically she has been in 2 relationships she told me, one for 2 years and one for 4. She is in her second half of her 20's and is pretty introverted, a bit distant, and at times kind if cold. Almost like she trying to chase me away.

I will easily admit that I come from a world where kissing isn't a big deal but after 2 months I can't get her to kiss me more then once every 60 seconds or so. So I thought she was just careful physically but then she will lay in my arms on the couch, push into me while I have one arm around her lower neck and when I go to wrap the other arm across her into a full relaxed hug and grab her other shoulder I accidentally grab her chest (took me about 3 seconds to realize and I apologized to which she said that was ok to leave it there).

This relationship has me as confused as if I was in High School and I haven't had that feeling in over a decade.

Is it normal to chase a guy away you like?

Is it usual for introverted girls to not want to kiss when given the opportunity?

Why would a girl think a guy would stick around if she lets him do whatever he wants (seemingly) but there is no feedback almost or reciprocation?

Thanks for the insight, we broke up regardless (she wrote me a dear john the day after my birthday) saying in short she saw me like a big brother lol, shrug. Regardless thanks for helping me even have a chance to understand this relationship.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I am not really good with relationships, but I am very introverted myself and I will try to help you out the best way I can. First, she is not trying to chase you away. Don't even think that. If she is really introverted, then she is most likely constantly thinking of different ways, situations and opportunities to interact with you or kiss you. But most of the time, it is likely she will not act on these opportunities unless you start it first. Most introverted people have trouble with socializing and this is probably true in relationships too. All I can say is to start things yourself and she will most likely be willing to answer. Other than that, try giving it some time. Hopefully she will open up more to you over time.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think it's "normal" to chase away a guy you like.

    It seems as if you're trying to put her in a box...She might be introverted but then again she might not. Maybe she's going through some things right now and should not be in a relationship? But A LOT of people simply cannot be alone.

    Relationships are often mirrors of ourselves. Do you see something in yourself while you are with her? Why are you with her in the midst of so much confusion?


What Guys Said 1

  • Introverted people (the one I am seeing right now) are EXTREMELY difficult for an Extrovert to understand because of a false consensus bias. We believe that everything is acceptable the way it is and stuff stresses us out- but in the end we are still who we are. Truthfully, I can said that some of that applies to introverts and here is my assumption of how they feel:

    - Introverts are generally stonewalling towards others (blocking out emotions or interactions); this doesn't happen because of fear, it happens naturally almost like a "habbit" they have formed. Usually this becomes more intense when they are uncomfortable or bothered by a situation which would lead to becoming nervous. Those spontaneous feelings are represented in bad ways to an introvert; being nervous is extremely scary.

    Some tips to help you deal with this woman:

    - Step back and live your life. You are overanalyzing the situation trying to "expect" or anticipate if she enjoys the relationship or not. Chances are, if you can get her to smile - she is very happy with you.

    - Be yourself and open up about your emotions (she will be more comfortable about talking about hers)

    - Take everything with a grain of salt; something that applies to extroverts may not apply to introverts.

    You will make her happy, just make sure to be persistent - it's quit the chore to remain content with this women, but you can pull it off in time.

    Best regards,


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