Girls, how do you define "deadbeat dad"?

if you think about it meaning only money, contemplate as to whether the judgement against the father is fair - i. e. does it still leave him enough to live on after the support payment? does the inability to pay in this situation still qualify as him as a "deadbeat?"

how about visitation - can a father still be a "deadbeat" because of their choices to not see their children?


here is something about deadbeat dads and how they're a "myth"


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that a guy should pretty much always pay for his children. After all, they are his child and it shouldn't just be left to the mother to pay for what the child needs. However, there are cases in which a father can't afford to do so, so I think he should maybe make up for it by spending more time with the child and taking them out, e. g. taking them to the park.

    On the other hand, a father can pay however much he wants for his child, he could give the kid hundreds of pounds a week, but if he's not around to support and care for his child when he can then I would still consider him a deadbeat dad.

    • I feel that the support standards are unfair, particularly to low income or disabled (as in my case) dads. the 40 year old laws no longer adapt to modern society. something needs to be done, on both sides!

    • Even if they are unfair, the 'you make them, you pay for them' argument is still valid. A child should always be supported, and it would be unfair to ask the mother to pay for the child's maintenance completely on her own. But if the father genuinely has no way of giving the child money, then yes, the laws should make sure support can be given in other ways.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Loser who doesn't pay child support, doesn't visit or want to see his kids, and pretends like they don't exist.

    • If he didn't want to pay, he shouldn't have slept with the girl without a condom while knowing the consequences. Being unable to pay does not qualify him as that---there are some men who are taxed A LOT for child support.

      Yes. Not seeing your children because you don't want to is repulsive... UNLESS if there is a good reason (he's a druggie or something).

      I will say that I think the government should regulate these women getting child support and how they spend it. It should only go towards the child and they need to show proof of that. If she is using it on herself, then the man shouldn't pay anymore or he should get awarded custody of the children if he wants. The same should be done for men of course.

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    • Okay, there are clearly exceptions which anyone with common sense would have known and didn't need to be overtly stated, but are the majority of guys in your situation? I think not. So stop being stupid and grow up. How would someone contend to every possible exception or circumstance pertaining to this? And I'm betting there are men who have worse situations then YOU. There was a guy who had all of his kids taken away and given back to a druggie mother... That's messed up.

      If you're unable to work, then I don't see why you'd have to pay. But you're working... which in some judge's eyes deems you fit enough to pay (though I think the sum should be reasonable). Same with women.

    • actually, 65% of all fathers are now living below the poverty line. and yes, I can't work due to disability... and I am glad to see that you agree women should too. but it is calculated that the average father here in NYS pays up to some 87% of their yearly income based on what federal (and that's how things are figured, by federal law, not state) values as the "appropriate" amount of due support. I think rates are too high and that a better way of determining support and that rather than handing money to a mother on a debit card, that each transaction with that money is electronically recorded and has a valid reason for anything that does not provide for the child (ren.) they can do it with food stamps, why not child support? for a lot of great info, which unfortunately is based largely from the UK (who actually has an almost identical system and calculations for support and visiation as the states) see

  • Personally , i view a a deadbeat father as someone who abandons his kids by walking out on them. A father who doesn't act as a role- model for his kids. Or a dad who doesn't provide them with emotional stability

  • I never met my father, no birthday or Christmas calls, nothing so I think I get the right to call him a dead beat dad. To me a dead beat dad is a father who is pretty absent in their child (ren) life. Child support is one thing but making memories with your child is priceless.

  • i think my mom's dad would qualify as deadbeat

    *he was a very rich guy but didn't bother seeing my mom until she was 9 years old
    *the only other times she saw him was for a parade he had for my mom and her brother to protect his image... because she and her brother achieved more than his kids from his second wife... and when he tried forcing her to marry some random dude he chose
    *my grandma had to threaten him to give her alimony

  • A man or woman who abandons their responsibilities as a parent to their kid (s). It's more than just financial. It's emotional, physical and mental

  • It kinda depends, If in such a situation, he should always at least ATTEMPT TO pay as much as he can without starving or being thrown on a street himself. But he has to at least TRY to pay what he is supposed, if he gets backed up, but is clearly trying then no he isn't a dead beat.

    However if he just doesn't pay, or make any such effort to support the child, then yes, he's a deadbeat.

    And for visitations, He should try to see them. If he doesn't try, or simply chooses not to see the child, it doesn't make him a deadbeat, just a douche.

    If the father both doesn't pay for the child, and doesn't see the child, he's both a deadbeat and an asshole.

  • a deadbeat dad can be one who sends money but chooses not to see his child. this isn't talked about as much but its way worse than one who sees his child and loves his child but is too poor to financially support.

    as far as whether the child support judgement on the father is fair, perhaps he needs to get a second job? children are really expensive. most single mothers i know struggle like hell and a lot of them are on goverment aid bc the jobs they do have aren't enough to live on. so of course it would make sense for child support payments to be hard on men because kids are really expensive. i dont think guys should just get off with paying like $100/month just because anything more wouldn't be comfortable for them, shit downsize or get a second job then

    • the judge told me to get a second job. just think about how hard it is for anyone to find a second job. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I am saying that EVERYONE struggles. whether it's a family or a broken family. I get your point and I agree the meaningful agreement that if $100 would be all they could afford that you would be open to that idea. unfortunately, that almost NEVER is the case.

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