Closure?

I still love you anonymous. To be entirely honest with you I’m not sure why anymore. Maybe it’s your reluctance to keep me at bay and at your feet. I don’t know, but I still love you. Love is a word that links feeling to hope. It doesn’t mean devotion in its self. You have to understand that I am only a man capable of only so much tattering and time and that I do have a standard limitation to how much separation my heart can take. Yes, we can have sex and go camping and spend infinite amounts of time together laying naked or looking up at the trees at our spot, but I can't lie to myself and pretend like it means as much as it should. I don’t think of you how I used to –kind, happy, generous, care free. I don’t think of you as someone that I am fully devoted to and it confuses me. Here I am so truthfully mistaken that we are indirectly in a relationship and that we really do love each other when I see only the opposite, anonymous. I doubt you everyday and you’re right, I do find it hard to see things in you anymore. I don’t trust you with guys in your second world. I have tried and I can’t trust you. I have not had sex with anyone else in my life and it scares me that maybe you have slept with someone else besides him since. This is not a joke, anonymous and this is not something that can be introverted easily enough to not think about. I’ve come to realize that it’s not the fact that I’m impatient but rather the fact that I am emotionally incapable of trusting my time with you. It hurts me too much to go on day-to-day wondering when it will finally be the right time. I give you this time and I feel like it is used properly for a bit and then cast into the last minutes of your spare time. Our history, anonymous, has been so defiant and so cloudy that I simply can’t trust you unless we are together. You’re too far away and you are too “busy” for me to be wondering what you are doing. If I had been at a very attractive girls barn randomly for a weekend I think you would have been as upset or worse then I and yet you never seem to take into account what I might feel about it, you just do it and wait for it to come preparing for the worst and eventually having it pass by on account to me over reacting. I don’t do these things because I know that they would scare you. I take great care in not threatening your trust in me and I never have tempted you to feel jealous. I won’t desert you or pretend like you are not a part of my life, because you will be probably for a long, long time. With the time that we have spent having fun and being by each other I’m thankful for you. I can’t remember the last time I felt you in my heart comfortably and without fear of us, and this is why I have to live my life and hope for something stable. I’m only a man and I know what it feels like to be bent and stretched, I don’t want it. <3 goodbye.. this is final

Updates:
I'm hoping someone can confirm my thoughts to be fair from what it tells you.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Wow. This is so deep, I almost shed a tear.

    If any guy in my life sent this to me, I probably would. I would feel bad about any harm I'd ever caused him and if I had feelings for him I would show up at his house and hug him and tell him I want to make him happy. If I didn't have feelings for him, I would shed my tear and let him go.

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  • did you say that to her? if you didn't

    tell her that don't just say it to people here.

    did you tell her about your feelings?

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    • It's far beyond the point where my words will change my life or hers for the betterment of the two of us. We're better off out of touch... or at least not in THAT much touch. I have told her someone these things in the most simplistic ways possible so she'd understand but she never could. Like I said it's just to be read over and shared. :)

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    • Because we're living our own lives now.. we both have been through relationships after ours.. but I've tried to get through to her ^^... I appreciate your motivation and inspiration for someone who was IN this situation at THIS time.. your words would be correct :)))

    • Yea.

      i hate any situation like that.

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