Cheated!? What now?

I cheated and I feel horrible and I always told myself I would never be that girl who would.! I am married now for 3 years been with my husband for 9 years we now have a 2 year old daughter.. my husband works out of town and felt very lonely and lost myself.. and I cheated with my ex this summer once.. and I will never do it again it has opened my eyes and now my husband is aware of how I feel and will be coming to work back home from now on.. Do I still need to tell him what I did this one time of vulnerability and never have or will do it again... he has a big temper and would probably never forgive me and kill my ex!


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  • well you can't take back from happend , you need to make sure you won't do this again and fix the problems that caused you to cheat in the first place


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  • It's not your place to worry about his reactions. It's your place to inform him of what has happened and how this could be worked out for both parties. Obviously you still want to be with him; however, if he is working to bring home the bacon for his wife, yet she is off with another man - I would strongly advise you to confide in your husband ONLY and never speak with any previous relationships again:

    P.s. I was cheated on. I got p*ssed- but I kept my cool and said "It's your life, good luck with that" *smile* and I haven't felt better since. She is doing great too, we talk all the time w/o the desire to f***. We are much better as friends ^_^


    1) Eliminate your lingering desires for previous relationships or future potentials

    2) Tell your husband sooner rather than later, but make sure your family knows so that if he kicks you out, there are options to go to.

    3) Choose the right words. Saying you "f***ed" someone, won't make it better. Saying you cheated - doesn't make it better, but it makes it easier to bare.

    4) Allow him the opportunity to vent, because I guarantee you he will be heated and p*ssed

    5) If he breaks it off, don't pursue it for at least one year to prove you have corrected things.

    P.s. If this is who I think it is, I believe we were speaking in another topic. The writing and words are similar

    Best regards,


    • LOL! sorry yea it's me again. I guess I'll start by getting rid of all contact with ex and wait till after christmas to decide what to do we have so many plans in life and he loves me very much.. I know I f***ed up..and I can't blame my ex for it but he sure didn't help. you must think I sound like a brocken record. I'm just trying to see what people say about it.. I've been trying to figure it out for a long time by myself it's nice to be able to have some outside input. your a great help thx

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    • Thx for the support I really appreciate it

    • My pleasure, if I can do anything else to help you - I'm all ears

  • Message to all those here who feel righteous accusing Q.A:

    John 8:7 (21st Century King James Version)

    7So when they continued asking Him, He lifted Himself up and said unto them, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." link

    • Your a god... Amazinggggggggggggggggggggg

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    • Ah lol no ontario, mais j'ai rester au quebec pendant 2 ans.. :P... you surprise with your french... ;)

    • Le francais n'est que ma seconde langue.

  • Confessions are good for YOU, especially if you end up being forgiven. Cheating is a selfish act, and if you want the confession done to get it out of your chest because your conscience abhors dishonesty, it still is a selfish act. But, what good does it do if he knows about it as far as his well-being is concerned? None. Bear in mind, trust, once lost, often is lost for life. Big risk here.

    Sure you need forgiving, but it is your conscience that is punishing you, not your husband (yet, he doesn't even know). You need to ask for your conscience's forgiveness, in short. Everyone has weakness, forgive yourself. BUT, don't use "plenty of people do it" as an excuse for the next offense. It isn't fun fooling around with your conscience which I am sure you know how it feels.

    • Confessions are good for YOU, especially if you end up being forgiven. Indeed. That's why I recommended to talk to a psychologist or a Roman Catholic priest: both are forgiving. Muslim or Protestant preachers AND spouses forgive less easy.

    • Thank you!!!!

    • The issue is who is punishing her? Not her husband for sure, because he doesn't even know. IF she believes in the Christian/Catholic/Jewish god, meaning it is Yahweh who is doing the punishing, then yes your suggestion should work. Actually, Jesus would do fine if she is a believer of him, he has already cleaned her slate, before she "sinned" (actually, born), 2000 years ago. As you say, if she "buys" the Muslim's god, then go ask Allah for forgiveness. Being neutral, I used the word CONSCIENCE

  • Have you considered that, given his temper, it may be best to shut up about it? Or does he know it already?

    • No I haven't told him I've been keeping/dealing with it inside for 5 months now

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    • I think I can be strong enough to keep that to myself it's just hard to hear poeple talk about other couples breaking up or dealing with that and I'm thinking in my head that I did it too and no one has any idea... but I think a therapist might help to deal with other issues as well I think I'll be doing that.. thx..

    • Cheating is common, women too:

      [Some say that as many as 50% of women cheat on their husbands, and 70% of men cheat on their wives.

      More reliable and believable data come from the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center. About 15% of women surveyed in 2002 said they'd ever had sex with someone besides their spouse while married, and 22% of men had. Roughly 2% of women and 4% of men had done so in the past year.]

  • You have to tell him and throw yourself on his mercy. Beg for his forgiveness. Then spend the next year solid sucking up. He will feel embarassed and emasculated. You will need to make him feel like a man again. Maybe let him put it in your butt or something special sexually to set him apart from every other guy

  • Yes you have to tell him. You took the trust and love away from him. You can't stop loving and honoring him just because he works out of town, to support you. Or both of you, doesn't matter. You have to tell him or you are the worst kind of person that lives in this earth. There is no room for selfishness in a marriage. Equity and respect. If he leaves you then you deserve it don't you? But who knows, maybe he will try Councling with you


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