How do you break up with someone after 5 years?

We have been together for 5 years. I love him dearly as a friend and person but im not in love with him anymore and im not happy and i met someone i have some strong feelings for. I am also engaged to this guy and i dont want to hurt him because i know he loves me a lot and he wants to spend his life with me.. i know if we split he won't have anything to do with me anymore and that scares me because i still need him in my life. Im at a loss here. Do i stay and never be in love or do i leave and lose my best friend? Anyone want to share their long term break up stories? Im torn and hurting.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It hasn't even been 7 years yet here, dear, and already I am seeing and sensing the Seven year Itch.
    The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence, as they say, and I believe you just may be in this Relationship rut right now, where you got cold feet and are finding comfort with another quack at the moment because it's a fresh newbie and you feel you are wearing out your welcome with someone whom you have been with for...5 years here, dear.
    Test of time and perhaps taking a Break, don't Break up. You need to find out if what your feeling for your so-called soul mate is brotherly love and all you really 'Need... Is his friendship forever.
    Tell him you are going through a few things right now and you need time to think. Take the upper hand with this stand or tell him you may be forced to postpone the wedding right now, you have to sort out things.
    Sometimes with some space, you realize just what you are Missing. And if you feel it would be a mistake to walk down the aisle, then it's a Loss you are just going to have to accept and take and that Maybe... It really wasn't meant to be in God's eyes.
    Good luck. xx

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • bye nigguh

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    • But he's still my best friend and thats where i dont know what to do.

What Girls Said 5

  • 😢😢😢Set him free so he can be happy and you can be happy. But you can't have both. Its your best friend or the one your heart is so in search of. In the end you will lose someone but don't lose yourself...

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    • I dont think he will be happy though. I am positive he will resort back to his old ways.. drugs an alcohol and i also dont want to see that either

    • Show All
    • No matter what I tell you of my personal experience you have to do this alone. Neither choice is going to be easy... especially if you have a spark with someone else. But there is no both. Someone will cry, heart (s) will get broken... and the fact that you hang onto hope thinking that you could possibly fall in love all over with your SO again, stop and think. Maybe you have just grown apart

    • I think you should give this new love a real chance and letting go of your fiance is something that you have to do to be with this other man completely. Heart/mind/body/soul

  • You just have to be honest with him. It's not fair to him either if you marry him just to have him in your life. I think it would be realistic for him to be hurt and angry, and not want to see or talk to you while he heals. Let him. Once he's had time to process maybe you two can work on rebuilding your friendship.

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    • I've seen his past long term relationships where the girl has done the same thing... 6 years and he still wants nothing to do with them.

    • Then that's his choice and he has every right to do that. Do you really believe that if you stay with him that either of you are going to be happy in the long run if you don't reciprocate his feelings? Like I said, the one you're hurting the most is him either way, but the least you can do is let him go and let him find someone who truly loves and wants to be with him forever if you can't.

    • I told him i dont live him anymore and i tried to end it... he told me he understood why i felt that way and that he wanted to fix it

  • thing happens and all you can do is move on

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    • I just dont know what to do.. to stay or leave either way.. i lose

    • if you don't love him leave him and lose him as your best friend. you need to marry the one you love and not the one that is just there for you, but not love him back

    • Its just really hard.. i told him too that i didn't love him anymore and i was trying to split and he told me he understood why i dont and wanted to dix it and its been 6 months and nothing.

  • You can always try things to fall back in love. married couples do things like that all the time.

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  • As someone who has parents that were in the same exact situation as you, I say leave him before it gets anymore heartbreaking. People who love each other, grow individually and together. You don't love him in a romantic sense anymore, so you won't be able to flourish as a person and he won't be able either. My parents tried holding on and in the end they cheated on each other. They loved each other but were not in love. Don't torture yourself and don't torture him. Love cannot be forced. Yes, you are scared of losing someone so close to you, but it's already happened for your fiance. He loves you, you don't love him in the same way= he will never have your heart the way he wants to. It'll eat him up inside.
    It's not easy losing someone you care about, but it happens. You survived before meeting him and you can survive after him. You've lived without him before. Same goes for him.

    Might he go back to drugs and alcohol, maybe. But he might also view this as an opportunity to test his strength. "My fiancee left me. Huh. I feel like drinking, but it's not worth it."

    Are you going to be seen as the bad guy for a while? Yup. Anger is just a way for someone who had been hurt to distance themselves from the pain and sadness. Anger is a self defense mechanism to protect your heart while it's healing.

    Let him go. Let yourself be happy, because there is no way you guys will be happy together at this rate.

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