Have you ever been turned down or left for someone else?

Just asking since, a guy I had a lot of feelings for and only hooked up with unfortunately told me he started dating someone last night... He did not know beforehand how strong my feelings were for him, so I ended up telling him. He apologized and said he understood how hard it was to have feelings for someone who does not feel the same way...

This actually has never happened to me before... I'm pretty upset about it, and I can't stop wondering who the woman is or what she looks like, or what she has that I don't... I guess it's crazy, and I will definitely not let this happen again by giving myself up like that.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've had it happen to me. Several times. Enough in number and severity to turn me somewhat cold-hearted toward women. I've taken steps to ensure it never happens again. Ever. Sucks for a woman to think guys can turn YOU down/leave YOU in perpetual pursuit of the Bigger Better Deal. So, with that being said, how does it feel?

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    • My actions were the reason it happened. I didn't present myself as relationship material at first, which is probably why he never had any feelings for me..

    • A YOUNG woman with a sense of personal accountability for her action? Maybe there's indeed hope for society...

    • Yeah... I didn't really present myself as relationship material and acted slutty, when in reality I'm very sensitive and monogamous. Of course he had no way to know that, so it's mostly my fault...

Most Helpful Girl

  • No but I'm pretty much always girl #2. By that I just mean either there's guys I didn't know or weren't close to that my friends dated so of course we got to know each other. Then on top of that I live in a small neighborhood so you don't get too many options but of course I would never date a guy my friend is/was dating.

    What kind of friend would I be...

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    • I live in a small town too which does make it harder i believe. I'm moving to a large city next year though thankfully.

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What Guys Said 42

  • Oh yeah, it sucks. But when I was a kid a man once told me that such problems are like bricks, you just have to throw them up in the air and say, "Brick be gone." and keep walking forward, and don't stop to look at the brick or you'll get hit in the head. It might not be the best way to handle every situation, but it's worked for me, I guess. Long live the Confederacy.

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    • I'm trying my best to move on... it just happened and hasn't even been 24 hours yet, so I guess I just need to let myself cool off.

  • No. But my first girlfriend broke up with me cause her best friend liked me, and I've always liked her too, so she basically broke up to avoid conflict... what a good friend xD
    Not long after that I got with that girl I've always liked, months later I broke up with her cause I started liking another girl.
    So I've never been turned down or left for someone else, but I've done it.

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    • You little playa! ;)

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    • My @aledeeurope would never cheat :) he's such a gentleman.

    • @Littlett25 @BelleGirl21 I would never cheat. Never. I never played with their feelings either, I did like all those girls, but with the first one, I always had a crush on the other girl, her best friend, even before I got asked out by the girl (yeah, she asked me out, first and only time a girl had asked me xD), but I still liked this girl a little, so I tried.
      Then with the second girl (my first girl best friend), she went to England for a couple weeks and during those weeks there was this other girl who liked me and we spent lots of time together, just talking, nothing else, and I just ended up catching feelings for her.
      I have to say I was young, immature, and definitely not ready for long relationships xD

  • Yes and I didn't loose much sleep over it. She left me for her controlling and emotionally abusive ex. I was actually happy that she did because I do not have the time for someone who would run back into a abusive relationship and she also liked to create drama.

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  • Yeah kind of and I totally get what you are feeling right now
    Try loving someone for over a year and have them leave you for a guy who you fought and almost got arrested for fighting.

    To be honest, I have had a hard time trusting girls in relationships ever since

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  • Happens all the time and I know it sucks, but the best thing to do is forget about that person and move on. I know it's hard, but the sooner you do it, the better. The biggest lesson I've learnt is to not save yourself for anyone - because once you reject someone, it's highly unlikely they'll ever truly have genuine feelings for you again. If they do show interest, it's likely to be out of desperation than anything.

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  • You are a lucky woman. You found out he wasn't good enough for you the easy way. Move on. Throw away his numbers, block his calls, block his emails. Forget him and go find someone you won't be wasting your time on.

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  • You said you 'only hooked up' with him. Jesus Christ, get a life. Let the boy be.

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    • Yes but I had feelings for him and wanted a relationship. He instead ended up getting into a relationship with someone else apparently.

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    • As you said somewhere else in this thread, that is typical for a woman. Best of luck.

    • It is very well.. that's why I don't believe in solid friends with benefits relationships to work out.

      Thank you.

  • Happens a lot around 18 - 22.
    Nothing you can do really, attraction is not a choice, You have no control over it.
    Best to stay positive and keep moving forward.

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  • YES!!! 3 times and what kills me the girls were NEVER straight forward told me to my face. One girl left me for some other dude but lied to me about not wanting a Boyfriend. number 2. Got one with out telling me. And the third girl didn't want a Boyfriend because she just got OUT of a relationship and I understood. I showed her what a Good MAN REALLY is. She didn't give a fuck. Two weeks later. Got a Boyfriend. Lied to me.

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    • The last girl I told you about I had a crush on for a FULL year. And I never had the courage to tell her and when I finally told her she was heartless about it bad didn't give a shit!!

  • Yep. Dated for about 3 months then she said She can't do it anymore because there is too much other stuff happening in her life. Explained to her that I actually have feelings for her but turned out she didn't have for me.

    Week later she hooked up with one of my friends and now moved in with him. I actually knew about it before it happened so moving on was easier than expected.

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    • Most likely was cheating behind your back with said friend.

  • Onnx277 I've been through this and it hurts. All I can tell you is that
    time does heal things and don't forget about Karma. What goes around comes
    around and I promise you, when that bird comes home to roost, it will be worse
    than anything you could do. In fact it'll be so bad you might feel compassionate
    toward him.

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    • Agreed... I've been hurt and left before, but not turned down for another woman ever. I'm ready to move on and I feel I can do better than this.

  • Welcome to the dating world where this occur to men on a very consistent basis.

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  • Yeah, dated a girl once who left me for someone with 'bigger muscles'. I got my satisfaction when he ended up cheating on her two weeks later. You just have to take solace in that you're a great catch and they gave you up like a fool.

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  • Yeah, mostly in early stages of dating.

    But i strongly believe that if you pay attention to their ACTIONS, you can be the first one to dump them before they dumps you.

    They show very cold and inconsistent behavior, before leaving you.

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  • You said you only hooked up with him? Were you friends or was it more casual then that?

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    • We were like friends too.

    • So, you you were friends with benefits (call it what it is). And, the benefits part stopped when he got a girlfriend (right?). On that I can only give the benefit of my experience (first hand and second hand). And, unfortunately, while it might be illuminating. It doesn't solve anything really...

      I have had 3 friends with benefits . I have had 4 friends who have each had at least one friends with benefits . From what I have seen there are a few things that always seem to be true about that kind of relationship:

      1) At least one of the people involved enters it with dishonest intent (wanting more from the start and seeing it as an easy in to grow the relationship into something deeper... Basically taking what they can get at the moment and hoping for more).

      2) Most of the time one person will get very attached and the other will not (and may even grow cold or disinterested over time).

      3) I have never seen or heard of an friends with benefits relationship that went any further then simply that.

    • We weren't officially friends with benefits. We had mutual friends and hooked up every once in awhile. I guess that's what it would be, but not officially. I ended up getting feelings for him and hoped eventually he would warm up to me and we could start a relationship... sometimes I thought it was possible. The whole thing was a mistake, and I don't believe in friends with benefits . I'm definitely going to clean up my act for next time.

  • Dating can be frustrating at times. For me, it helps to remember that I'm looking for someone who wants to be with because they really like me, not because I just happened to be good enough or better than the last guy they met. Same for me. I'm not looking for a woman who's good enough, I'm looking for a woman who I really enjoy being with. That's why it is important to date multiple people until you decide to be exclusive with one. It helps you to get know other people, and also helps you remain objective and not put the person you're dating on a pedestal because you want them to be "the one".

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  • Yes, it happens to a lot of us. Certainly happened to me and it was not a good feeling, I went insane with anguish. It might help to find a guy to get over it all with : )

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  • Guys go through this all the time but dont let this destroy you and make you all devastated just let it go and move on there's plenty of people out there

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  • I imagine it will happen to everyone at least once in their life. I wouldn't let it get you down...

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  • It's happened to me a few times in school, it's not somethin that can be helped so I just got over it and went about my day.

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What Girls Said 50

  • Yes, I have. And the pain is unreal. It's been about 2 months now and I still get the nightmares and I still see his face in my mind. I can still hear his voice ringing in my ears. I still cry and there are just some days when it brings me down so much that I don't do anything. Some people just don't get it. They don't understand that sensation someone gets when that person that they love dates someone else. It goes beyond just your heart shattering. It's as if there is no heart anymore. There's just this feeling of nothing but pain and agony and sleep doesn't let you escape and reality doesn't let you escape and you end up lost inside your own sick mind. It's like he took a hammer to the framed portraits of every good memory you ever had and left only his self portrait intact. Now all you can do is roll in the broken shards of the memories and hope to at least get a bitter taste.

    My advice to you is this. It's gonna hurt. Like hell it will hurt and there will be many sleepless nights. But eventually, you'll grow numb. And with that numbness, find something that keeps you off him for a bit. Because the guy I liked had a lot in common with me, there's not much I can turn to. But I find that reading a lot more helps me escape. And I write books (he does too) but when I really focus, I can escape the thought of him for a few more hours. And gaming helps for me as well. I know it's hard, but also be glad you don't know what the woman looks like. Because I know what she look like. And before summer, I had to see her everyday because we had the same math class. I don't think she knew who I was at first, but when SHE started to give ME nasty looks, I figured he had told her something about me. But anyway, if you ever need to talk, I'm here. You can message me anytime about it. I know it's hard and long and frustrating and mentally deteriorating but be strong.

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  • When i was a teenager an ex boyfriend left me for a girl he went to college with. I was devastated. It was his mum that told me. She found out and rang me to tell me , because we got on so well and she felt guilty. She hated him betraying me that way and said i deserved so much better than her own son.

    Years later he asked me on a date again... as you can imagine i turned him down flat.

    Hearts break so easily, but fortunately they do mend in time... only to become stronger

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  • I don't think that it is about what she has that you don't. You don't decide for whom you are going to develop feelings for. And he didn't decide it either. You just have to get over it. I know it's hard. Believe me. But it is possible. Good luck :-)

    - Girl who has been cheated on multiple times

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  • yes it happened before, hurt badly but at the same time i heaved a sigh of relief.
    now when i looked back i felt that's the best way things should end.
    this is life, we face the up and down, go through lots of broken heart before we finally found someone... some people are just meant to come into our life to teach us a lesson on how to let go..

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  • It's one of most nerve-wracking feelings ever. We girls are sensitive and insecure about rejection so when it happens we freak out and doubt our self worth. You're not the problem. If he couldn't recognize that you're the sh*t then just let him go and find someone else head over heels for you.

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  • Once I was second choice to someone but he still talked to us both. I don't like him anymore but now I'm just like
    i12.photobucket.com/.../...FEEF921_zps4l6me172.gif

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  • Left for someone else, he didn't even have the guts to break it off with me face to face or by phone. I know it through a mutual friend of us. I was devastated and at the same time, curious about who's that girl. Months later he asked me out again. I rejected him.

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  • Wow, i actually did this to a guy once who really showed love towards me, unfortunately i pushed him away for another guy, in the end, it was my loss because the guy who i went out with turned out to be an idiot and i lost the guy who really loved me, ah well... sigh

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  • Aww >:/ *hugs*

    I'm terribly sorry that happened to you =_=
    But its better that you don't have to deal with him because you are moving. Besides if he's dealing with you, why would he get with someone else... he sounds like a fuckboy Dx he doesn't deserve you bruh

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    • Yeah it doesn't make sense... he is acting as though he is going to be monogamous to this person to or whatever. Meh, I want to leave this place anyway. So I guess it wouldn't of been good if he did want a relationship with me because he plans to stay here for the rest of his life.. just wasn't meant to be.

      Thank you <3 *hugs*

  • Don't think like that. She's not necessarily better than you by having things you don't. She's just different. That's all.

    Anyway, yes I have been rejected.

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    • I think a big part of it is because of how I acted.. I acted slutty, which in reality I am not. I'm monogamous and very respectful.. I slept with him way too soon, without ever even dating him or anything, and then I got feelings which is typical for me. I'm sure with her it's probably started out normal without sex yet. I don't want to stay in this place anyway and am moving next year, (already was planning to, unless I managed to get a relationship with the guy) so I guess it is what it is.

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    • See, it could be anything. Maybe they just have more stuff in common I guess. That doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't mean that she's better than you or that you're worse than her. I'm sure you'll find someone else in the city that will be more compatible with you.

    • Thank you. :)

      Probably so... I know he never wants to leave this place so I'm sure he would prefer to settle down with someone who also likes this environment. I'm sure I would be happier with another city slicker anyway.

  • It happened to me before. My advice to you is not to think about who he is with, why, or try to compare yourself. It's easier said then done but pet yourself together and move on. You'll feel much better when you do.

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  • yes, and sucks, I was very in love with him, and he lead me on. He was supposed to be in love too but he said that he falled out of love so he went to sleep with someone else. While I was staying with him.

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  • no. but I've only ever really liked one person. and i asked him to be boyfriend. so there was never any ambiguity. i dont date for that reason. i do friendship or relationship. i dont do inbetween.

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  • That's not so bad in my opinion, I was with my ex for 3 years and he dumped me for someone else. Just like that. Now THAT sucks big time!

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    • And I knew her, she was my friend, the two of them met through me.

    • Wow that is fucking awful. I know worse things can happen but it still feels bad and makes me jealous. I'm really sorry that happened to you... I guess this shit is just part of life.

  • Yep. A guy who was so insistent that "we were meant to marry" made out with his engaged friend, then claimed I was causing him guilt & that he couldn't love me the way he loves her. But it worked out for the best. :)

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  • Yup I have. Been turned down for others and I've been cheated on and left for someone else.
    Sadly there isn't much you can do. Just gotta deal with it however feels best and move on.

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  • Never happened to me but when I dumped my ex girlfriend a girl jumped straight in. In a way the fat ugly fuck did me a favour because I left her for a reason ;)

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  • Yes only he never actually "broke up" with me. He just entirely cut off communication.

    I have the satisfaction that he's now bald and has 5 kids with her abd I'm still prettier than her ;).

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  • The only thing to do at this point is move on its not meant to be. Men don't love through sex men love through friendship. Try being friends and taking things slow next time

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  • I am so sorry to hear that, I haven't went through this yet, but I would be pretty upset as well. Don't worry about the girl, its him you should confront. Just because he was nice about it, doesn't mean anything. He still treated you like a tramp, which is so disgusting. He should've sat you down beforehand and told you what was up... not take a b/tch move. With me and guys I always state what type of relationship I want... I don't really know what your status with him but its also a lesson learned. For a better man will come. As well if you guys were just friends with benefits, this was most likely, and thats why I don't do such things like that. But hugs,, goodluck and goodbye loser.

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