Why does the narcissist treat you as if you did something wrong?

I have came to the conclusion that my ex is a full blown narcissist. The only thing I wish is that I would have done some research into his personality years ago way before I had a child with him. The thing I cannot comprehend about narcissist is that although my ex broke up with me, he treats me as if I have done something to him. We share a child together, so we see each other but he acts like I don't exist. In April is when he started to hoover and try to be nice, but I was not buying it and did not accept him back into my life. Then in mid June is when I found out that he got married.

We were together for 4 years and he did not know this person very long at all and married her. He never and I mean NEVER told me and still has not acknowledged that he is married. The saddest part is that when my 4 yr old comes back from his dad's house he clings to me. It's also extremely sad because the new person does not take care of my son. My ex has to send him with his mom.

When my 4 yr old returns he repeats arguements that I assume dad is having with the new wife. I hear the word stupid B*tch as well as I am sick and tired of being used by you. It's really are horrible situation. Why is he treating me like I have wronged him? I just got tired of the lying and after this 3rd breakup I decided he was no longer worth running back to.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I have dated a narcissist before. One thing you learn is that they will never admit to you or themselves they are wrong!

    No matter how obvious it is to everyone else they will never ever accept it and go so far as distorting and repressing memories to conform with the new version of facts they are willing to accept, it's sickening. Even if you sit with them and try and explain their behaviour to them, they will lie, manipulate and intimidate you until you give in.

    You are only a source of supply to be used up and discarded. It will always be about them and it will always be your fault. Do you homework on them. Especially with your child in the picture. The children of a narcissist aren't ever given the love and attention they deserve and it can stunt their emotional progression.

    Be grateful he has moved on. Narcissists are parasites and leave you in a thousand little pieces before they leave. They don't have a consciousness in the way emotionally balanced people do. They can't put themselves in your position, because it's only ever about them.

    • Thanks for the insightful information. It just hurts to know that he up and married someone else. Although I know everything is not all rainbows and fairy tales due to what my son comes back and says. I just feel flawed knowing that I spent ALL of these years putting up with his behavior and excusing him and when I finally took a stand and decided not to move back in with him is when he left me.

    • It sucks that we have to go through all this pain and they just move straight on to the next. It happened to me too. You have wisdom now to know that you shouldn't envy being in a relationship with him. Look how he has treated you. I can only imagine the web of lies he has spun around her, and she is falling for it like you did. You should feel sorry for her.

      Some people spend their whole life with the narcissist. It's quite common that they go for years. It was the time you needed to stand up for yourself. Be proud that you did it. No everyone is strong enough to do what you have done. Narcissist just want to evoke an emotional response from you. If they can’t make you love them, they will try to make you hate them.

      Fell free to message me if you want to talk more about it. I remember how bad it got when I left mine one.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Wow. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and for your son as well. He's self centered, so the only opinion that matters to him is his. We all make bad choices sometimes, but don't beat yourself up over it.

  • I'm still reeling from a relationship with a narcissist. I fell hard for her and was not myself at all, I became her puppy basically and I'm older and experienced. And yes, it always seems like you did something wrong, you'll end apologizing for things you didn't do and finally what drove me crazy: they will say the most absurd things and deny it the next minute and give you the silent treatment. Salvage whatever you have left by limiting your contact as much as you can, that goes for your child, they can really damage your kids development. The most amazing thing about all of this is that I have narcissistic family members, I should have seen it. Best of luck.


What Girls Said 1

  • Because that's what defines a narcissist.

    • And tbh, I would just cut him out of your life for good. Yes, you both may have a child together. But he isn't someone you should have as a father figure in your son's life.

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