Guys, Will I be able to re establish an emotional connection with my ex boyfriend?

My ex boyfriend ended things after three years because as things began to get serious (almost engagement) he evaluated the relationship and found there was a lot he was unhappy with. All of the things associated with the friendship part of a relationship were great but he said that the actual basis of the relationship communication was not what he felt was correct and I agree. He said that it was purely this and nothing else and he said that he found me extremely attractive still so I think it was the emotional connection that got lost. He also said that he knows it will be difficult to see me happy with another guy at some point in the future. We said we would have a clean break but then a pregnancy scare arose and we had to keep in contact although minimal. This was over the space of three weeks. It has now been a month. Because of this he said he felt the right thing to do would be to try again at us, however he expressed we both have to be aware that there is a good chance it just won't work because he said he doesn't think people can change drastically. However, for the first time ever we sat down and established what we both would like from this trial relationship and we are just at the beginning of implementing it. We agreed on more space, only meeting up once a week and no sexual contact. When we meet up we hang out like very good friends and we hug but that is it. I still love him but now I understand that the old relationship became my addiction rather than addition and because of this my emotions were never in check ( I became a bit of a lunatic) and it drove him away. I have now been able to calm down and get my emotions levelled. Is there any hope if my actions match up with what we discussed for the new relationship that the emotional connection can be re established and we could work? How can I show him that in fact I have changed and I wouldn't go back to before?


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What Guys Said 2

  • The question is, *have* you changed? Is it permanent? Or will you revert to the way you were after a while? I'd bet that'll be what's on his mind. It's tough to make changes at that level, and takes time to implement them. I'm not at all saying you haven't, or that it won't work, but just be honest with yourself on this. To answer your question, yes, it can absolutely be reestablished and work.

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    • The main aspect if "change" for me is that I was unhappy a lot in the old relationship because I didn't like who I had become- it didn't feel like me or certainly, who I aspired to be. However, habits are difficult to break free from and usually the only way I can see clearly is to remove myself from the situation. It's only now that i have had some time to think through that I understand what was missing and what needed to be there. It's also why I just hope he can give us a long enough chance to see that for himself. It's because we were each other's best friend that we have agreed to this but right now I can tell from a lot of his body language that he has put up some emotionally barriers to prevent himself from getting hurt again.

    • That's understandable. At least it sounds like you've done some soul searching on this. You'll have to be careful, of course, but I think you stand a reasonable chance of things working out. One thing is certain - you won't know if you don't try. Good luck, and I hope it works out for you! :)

  • no he doesn't like you but you're clearly obsessed with him

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