How do you start talking to your after about a year of no-contact?

I've realized that there is still some pain over everything, and I think it's mostly from just both of us cutting the other out of our lives. That was good for a time, but I think it is stopping me from healing completely. I'd like to be able to be friends and to communicate without assumptions or expectations. I think that's a mature thing to do. There is no bad blood between us and we have both admitted to caring about the other person still.

How do I go about this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just start up a convo.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Actually what you said is a pretty good start. Just tell him how you feel and what you think. He's probably thinking something along the same lines, anyway.

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    • Thank you. I feel like he is afraid to directly contact me because he doesn't want to lead me on and hurt me. I heard through a mutual friend that he deeply misses me, but is afraid of hurting me. He wants me to move past all the hurt and be happy. I feel like this would give us the freedom to talk. If something more comes from it, great. If not, we at least are on friendly terms. It's a win-win if he agrees to this.

    • It's funny, isn't it? It's so easy to go from friends into a relationship, but going the other way is so much more difficult. It'll work itself out one way or another. Good luck, though! :)

    • Thank you very much :)

What Girls Said 1

  • "I'd like to be able to be friends"

    You can't just be friends with a ex if you still have feelings for them which I'm sensing from you. It never works out the way you imagine it to in your head. Reality is when you're friends with them you'll always want and expect more because of your feelings. If you haven't finished healing then I can assure you that being in contact with him will NOT heal you. If anything it will set you back and bring all the feelings right back. I understand you care about him (we all care about people who are or were important to us) but it's best for you to remain in NC unless he has given you a very good reason to break it such as initiating getting back together again but till then this whole "friendship" thing is probably a very very bad idea.

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    • I'm sorry, but everyone is different and I don't agree.

    • @Asker
      No problem. I'm just talking out of experience here as well as common knowledge of break ups and healing but you want to against the odds then nothing is stopping you. I wish you all the best.

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