How does Divorce affect a man? Mentally, emotionally and physically?

There's someone I'm interested in that was divorced around two years ago. He's 29 and he hasn't been in a relationship since then. He's dated but never committed. I just want to understand how it affects men so that I'm better able to relate to him and understand his behavior and how he now approaches dating and relationships. (His wife initiated the divorce after a year, I don't know if that helps).


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm guessing his life went in one of two directions. Either he took it very hard, lost interest in everything and everyone, felt like he didn't deserve love, stopped taking care of himself and gained weight because of all that, or he accepted the divorce and thinks of it as a chance to find a woman better-suited for him. If this is the case, he's likely taking very good care of himself physically and mentally but isn't emotionally ready for a relationship yet, which sounds more like guy you described.

    Divorce is difficult on everyone, but I think it can be harder on guys because they usually don't get the chance to open up about it to their friends. Think about how your female friends would react if you got a divorce - they'd have you over for sleepovers, bring you wine and pints of ice cream, and let you cry and rant to them. They'd help you get your feelings out so you could eventually move on, right? Most guys aren't like this when it comes to sharing relationship issues with their buds. They keep everything bottled up and typically don't let on how hurt they really are. So I'd guess the guy you like is now going to be very cautious about getting serious with a woman; he probably feels that he needs to know her really well before even thinking that things could get serious.

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    • That was actually very helpful. You would be right, he takes extremely good care of himself. Everyone has been trying to give me advice, (friend and co-workers). We've been friends for a while and people have started to pick up on how we are when we are with each other. People have told me they don't see him treat other people, or women the way he does me. He has told me he isn't looking for a relationship and he knows I'm not looking for anything casual. That hasn't stopped either of us from hanging out and we still flirt relentlessly. We've both expressed an interest in each other, so I don't doubt that he's attracted. I would like to know if I should be patient with him, or if I should keep being friends but move on.

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    • We do hang out alone outside of work occasionally. I've tried not to give any thought to them being dates. Just two friends hanging out and getting to know each other better. I don't need anything serious immediately, I just meant that having casual hook-ups isn't what I'm looking for. Casual dating is something I am capable of though. We've gone hiking and taken our cameras to take pictures of the scenery and he's come over to have game night and dinner with my roommates. It's been really fun and light hearted. I'm doing my best to not have any expectations. I noticed that before he'd never touch me but now he's not afraid to break the touch barrier and he'll even remember things I told him that were so minute I don't even remember telling him. I'll take your advice and be patient and keep it casual. :)

    • Wow! Then you're already doing exactly what I suggested hah! And good for you. You're smart for not wanting to have casual hook-ups with him as that's a terrible idea and would probably make him see you as just a friend rather than as a potential girlfriend. It's great that you've had him over while your roommates are there since that definitely takes the pressure off both of you. Don't be afraid to break the touch barrier with him, either. :) Good luck!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Imagine if you weren't even good enough for someone when you give them everything (as most men do for women)

    You first need to understand what it's like to be a man, to do all of the things women want you to do (be overly nice to them above everyone else, lie to them about their fat butt in jeans, spend money on them and generally do things for them that you would never do for another person). Then imagine that's not good enough

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    • I'm not saying it's the same, but I've had something similar happen with an ex. Is there a certain way I should move forward with someone who is divorced? I know that he's at least physically attracted to me and he's been honest about not looking for a relationship and he's been respectful of me not wanting to pursue anything casual. It hasn't stopped our friendship though, he's mentioned before that he's really slow to pursue anything these days. Should I move on and just stay friends or be patient?

    • Just be patient. He's probably expecting you to abandon ship sooner or later too, and you doing that would just make it worse

    • Wow, I didn't think about it like that. He's mentioned he's had women screw him over but it was really brief and the subject was immediately changed so I never thought too much on him having some trust issues. Thank you.

  • You cannot even begin to "understand" as it's effects vary widely.

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    • I understand that it isn't something that I would be capable of understanding but I would still like to try. We've been friends for about a year and have started to hang out more and he's as very guarded person. I'm 6 years younger than him but I really do care. I feel like attempting to understand will help with me not pushing him for something he may not be ready for.

    • I would simply not bother with the subject. As I said even your attempt, good natured as it may be, will only undermine your efforts.

  • I think extreme fatigue from constant cartwheeling and jumping up and clicking heels together.

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