So me and my now ex dated for about 8 months. In the beginning we had a great relationship it wasn't until after we had sex which was 5 months into it that things started to go downhill. I let my mental health get in the way of our relationship. I had/have a lot of personal baggage and he couldn't understand that. Right after the break up he wanted to help me and still be friends but then he stopped talking to me. I recently messaged him asking him if some things I'd heard around are true. I asked if he still cared he said yes but as a friend I asked him if he's getting a new girlfriend he said he's looking. I love him still a lot I mean damn we look each other virginities and shared everything together but he couldn't fully understand me. I've always wanted the best for him I just miss him so much. It's been about a month and a half since the breakup by the way. I've also been getting with another guy just to make myself feel a little better which I know is wrong. I do like this other guy but I still love my ex a lot. I also went on a date with my new "boyfriend" in front of my ex that happened about a month ago which was like 3 weeks after my ex broke up with me for good.
- Keep TryingVote A
- Move OnVote B
- Give It TimeVote C
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Most Helpful Guy
Let me try to break this down piece by piece. (Sorry if it turns out to be long). I'm afraid it may be tough to hear some of it too...
So it sounds like he broke up with you and now you want to get back together? This puts you at a disadvantage because there is a reason he broke up. Even if you cleared up a lot of the baggage, it isn't easy to forget anything that happened or went down before the break-up. This makes it hard for him to get back after remembering that, no matter whether you tell him you've changed or what not.
The fact he was so clear and blunt to you about how he feels is also a bad sign. The "I care for you as a friend" means he basically completely friend-zoned you. If he told you he is looking for a girlfriend, that solidifies the friendship. Dating is now even harder between the two of you. It sounds like he doesn't have romantic feelings for you anymore and probably never will.
As it sounds like you already know, dating someone to try and make someone jealous is just plain wrong. For one thing, getting someone jealous almost never works, especially at the point the guy you like is at. The ex has moved on already and went about his life without you. However, this new guy probably thinks you really like him, but in fact he is being partially used. Using him like this is not fair to him. If you have honest feelings for him, ok, keep dating him. However, if he is just a tool for jealousy, I would break it up with him. There's no sense in wasting his time or having him fall for you more and find out later down the line you never cared for him.
Overall, I think you should move on. I understand you really care about this ex, but the fact of the matter is he is practically unreachable. There are other fish in the sea, so they say. I would break up with this current dude if you don't feel for him at all, and take some time for yourself. I would then give up on this ex of yours, and only then go back in the market for a boyfriend. Realize he is out of reach and that there are plenty better guys who are more deserving. You are 18, so there is still tons of time to find people.
Tl;Dr; Move on. It may take more time, but move on nonetheless
If you have any questions, comments, complaints, feel free to either comment or message me. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Good luck! I'm sure you'll find a better guy sooner than you think!1