What would you do if you found out that your husband has been talking to a mutual female friend on the phone, on average seven times a day every day?

If you had two kids, age three and one. They say all they do is talk, nothing physical going on but they both kept it hidden from you for at least a couple years. She says that she can't talk to her husband about certain things, especially problems with her adult kids. I said that if it doesn't stop now I'm leaving. He says he doesn't want to be with her, only me and I suspect that if there was a physical relationship between them, then it was a friends with benefits thing because she's in her 50s and wouldn't want to start over at this point in life, especially not with (my) two little kids to raise.

Updates:
It's true. They are cheating.
It's ok. Thank you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Suspect? No they are cheating. If she is married, let her husband know. You do know that they are lying about nothing physical going on, dont you? First go to www.marriagebuilders.com It is a very good website with a lotof free information about marriage and talking and infidelity. You need to go there.
    Then get one of these hidden recorders: www.ebay.com/itm/like/251804387716?lpid=82&chn=ps

    They are rechargeable and last about 10 hours on the small charge they store. You can download the audio to your computer and listen with any free audio player.

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    • I found out the truth by looking through the old bank statements, he was going to a gas station (for cigarettes I assume) 2 blocks from her house every time he would go over there. He had no other reason to be in that town, in that neighborhood. I told both of them I had proof, then she told her husband, now her husband wants to kill my husband. We all work at the same place.

    • I am so sorry. At least you know. It is better that way. I am sorry.

    • The audio recorders work great! Im not quite sure how to record over them or erase them? I'm also looking for a way to listen to them on the go, not on my home computer. I also need to make sure to erase all evidence of them being plugged into my home computer. if you have any advice that would be great.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Yeah, and I'm Napoleon. It's gotta stop, one way or another. It's not healthy for anyone in this triangle. I feel for you, I really do. But the time for truth is now.

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  • If i had a wife that did that with anothet guy, especially if she tried to hide it from me for several years, i would be beyond upset.

    In my opinion, your actions are justified.

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  • Look, that's an emotional affair 100%, and that's if they not doing anything physical.

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    • I totally agree. It's not quite as bad as a full blown affair but close enough. I told him to go ahead and be together if that's what they want, I won't stand in the way. But I don't think either one of them is willing to give up their whole life to do that.

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    • Yes it shows that there is something lacking in your relationship, and it's good of you to face up to it.

    • You know what my dilemma is: I settled with my current girl too young and I am a different person now. It's a serious challenge and it's taking an emotional toll on me. I am so against early marriages and religion because of this lol.

  • That's not it tell him about the kids remind him of what he vowed to u make him stop it will roon your family trust me it sucks having your parents brake I have no trust in people your a good person remind him your there for him and he is hurting u with talking to her

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What Girls Said 6

  • I would be upset so you definitely are in the right with those feelings. If it were the other way around and you had been having intimate and personal conversations with another man behind his back it would be hurtful. I'd give the ultimatum of her or his family with you and your children. When he makes the decision of family I would want to seek some kind of marriage counselor for advice on moving forward after the sneaking behind my back.

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  • I'd give him an ultimatum. Why did he have to keep it hidden? That's the real question...

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    • Because "I would've been mad."

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    • I know. There have been a few times over the past couple years that I asked him how she was doing, because we both work with her. He would angrily snap at me "what are you asking about HER for?" That alone should've been a huge red flag.

    • I think he's cheating, but I don't know him. The way his behaviour is, suggests this

  • That's pretty shady behaviour. Is it an option for you guys to go to couples counseling?

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    • Yes. He says he doesn't want to, but will if that's what I demand.

    • I think you should go. One last ditch effort to save the relationship.

  • I wouldn't like that at all.

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  • It may be an emotional affair. I would kick him out

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  • Oh my, I'm so sorry, that must be devastating. Leave him

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