I lost my cool in a bad break up, I want to move on from this, but how? I guess what I am asking for suggestions on how to get over all this?

The ending to my hurtful relationship was dramatic and painful. I lost my shit when we were breaking up, she was being hurtful, and disrespectful and when i found out she was stealing from me... i flipped. I threw all her things outside the window, into the bin. she started pushing me and we were screaming at each other to the point where the cops got involved and i asked them to take her out.

I feel bad for treating her like that because that is not who I am, I did not understand why a girlfriend of 3 years would be manipulating me and my friends, lying to me, suicidal attempts, the cheating, threatening me etc without a doubt it was a destructive relationship. but i feel bad about how it ended, i know i should have been more calm but with her everything has always been intense and even though she hurt me, i don't want to care for her anymore but i weirdly enough do.

please help
thank you for answering, she has been quiet till today she sent me this message

"man I feel so fucking stupid for hurting this much over a fucker like you who had no problem making me disassociate and then complain about sex
man I can't believe I even told you cause I knew you would brush it off fuck"

i complained a few times that we don't have enough sex (she is 21 im 24), after a month went by of her rejecting me advances.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ending a long relationship like 3 years is never easy. It's going to be hurtful, people are going to feel cheated and will try and lash out to protect themselves from doubt and being hurt unfairly.

    I think the best thing to do is figure out what you can do to resolve anything unresolved in as fair a manner as possible. Ask someone you know who will give you an hour estate answer and won't rile you up about all of her shortcomings but can help arbitrate.

    Offer a gesture of peace/goodwill like compromising on some shared item or some other genius thing-- only has to be one and with no strings or recipes attached to bring up later.

    You can write her a not or message apologizing and wishing her well.

    Frim there limited, non personal Conant or no contact at all. You need space and time to move on and learn to be individual people again without the other to rely on.

    • its hard being with a girl who has high anxiety, and has borderline personality disorder. i tried to take it all in, i said to myself either you love all of her good and bad or not at all. but lately it just got out of hand, deleting my contacts, constantly accusing me of hiding something, the insane aggressive fights she pulls. i can't anymore and i just flipped.. and i treated the love of my life like trash... i swear nothing i can do can make this better, even if there was it would be a cycle all over again... i just feel like shit for they it ended.

      thank you for your advice i couldnt agree with you more. cheers

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yea that sounds like a disaster of a breakup but you know what, you can move on now. We really have no way of understanding how other people think or why they do what they do so I try not to spend my time worrying about it. You learn from the mistakes and you carry some sort of introspection about what you possibly did wrong or what to look out for in future partners. An apology is still not a bad idea for throwing her stuff out the window but damn, I'd keep away from all that crazy after that. Sometimes we have to realize a person's toxicity will affect you more than you know.


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What Girls Said 2

  • You obviously cared that's why you reacted so strongly. You may just attempt to call her and apologize for the ending and just get a more dignified closure? Perhaps it's best to just move forward and leave it how it is if you could picture a repeat. What's done is done but if your second guessing it, give her a call to just check on her.

  • Love and passion can make a person irrational


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