Boyfriend says he wants time. How long until I should move on?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months. We've had a pretty good relationship, and we've been happy, despite a few hiccups we've had in the past. Both of his parents are dead, and having to understand that when it comes to family things has been hard. For instance, it took him a long time (a lot of avoiding and being indirect) to have him come around to meet my family and him taking him a while to meet his extended family. We also had a rough patch about his living situation next year, as he's living with his best friend (male) and a girl who is a dancer.

We've been disagreeing on certain things like his forgetfulness, whether or not its intentional. I've tried talking to him about it several times, and he does apologize and tries to make it up to me, but it keeps occurring. I thought brekaing it off would work, but both times I tried he insisted on working it out and making amends and I agreed because deep down I didn't want to do it. It got to the point where I said I wanted some time away from him because it was stressing me out. He didn't answer. A day or so later, I asked him if he wants to work on things or just break up and he said "break up or not i still want to be friends and be there for you. let's have fun today and go to this party with my best friend and we can just not think about it". I took that as a roundabout break up and asked him to get his things.

When he came to my place on Saturday, he said he doesn't think it's going to work out and that he did respond to my text when I said I needed space, and he said that that particular situation was a misunderstanding and maybe space for a day would work. I felt horrible and said I didn't want to break up, and I begged him to work things out and he said no, it'll happen again and he's not sure what he wants out of his life right now all of a sudden. He finally said he just needs to think for a few days and he would tell me in person what he decides. Is it over?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You posted this yesterday and nothing has changed. You pushed the guy away and I doubt you'll be in a relationship when he's done thinking.

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    • Refer to my other question that I posted, I wrote more in depth about the fight/situation in a comment thread. I understand your point of view, though. But it's not all of the story though.

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    • Yeah I couldn't full respond on one comment. Don't know if my opinion will be any useful, I hope you guys do fix things. It really does sound like a clusterfuck of miscommunication, but it's important that both parties understand that fully.

    • No worries. Thanks for your help

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Ehh, Just let it rest for a few days, let HIM contact you, but... it does seem like he's letting go little by little..

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    • i called him and he said he missed me a lot but said its best we stop dating. said the last 5 days were hard for him but he knew that and was at a loss for words to tell me. said he was going to try to tell me over lunch today instead of last night on the phone when i called him

    • LET HIM CONTACT YOU

    • Well it wouldn't have changed. He didn't want to get back together and he already knew that. We broke up

  • Move on now.

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What Girls Said 2

  • wow can i ask were you manipulating him or just really naive here? I mean you keep pushing him away of course he is going to leave!!!

    He has nobody else but his friends and you and you keep pushing him away. ever thought he is scared to lose you but you keep showing him a possibility so he will go elsewhere and find someone who wants to stick with him and not threaten him with a break up every 5 minutes?

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    • Pretty much this

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    • So when I read his reply days later, he was saying that I was getting worked up over nothing, that I could've said something to him and that plans weren't concrete and he doesn't appreciate when I blow up like that because I'm being emotional and all he was trying to do was make plans for the weekend. He agreed that maybe space for a day or so would be good since we were having another rough patch. So when I read that I was like what the fuck? I mean I would've agreed to the day break, but I wasn't being emotional. I was tired of the way he just always seems to "forget" about me. Yet when we met in person he says I don't communicate with him when I'm upset with him. He says he's an introvert and just needs time and that he just forgets and I told him that's fine, but you gotta TALK to me when things happen. When I was begging him I said what do you want from me? I'll talk more, but you need to too and he just kept saying it's not working out.

    • And to be fair, he did offer to make it up to me, twice and did apologize that he forgot. I guess I was just fed up with that being a recurring thing. He did offer to take me out the next day, but in my mind, I would've just appreciated him saying "hey babe, I wanna stay in and play poker for the night. how about tomorrow we do something?" i would've understood. that's what i mean that he just doesn't tell me things sometimes and it seems inconsiderate.

  • probably. he's just letting you down easily.
    just give him a few days, maybe he jsut needs to process...
    breathe and relax.. and if its mean to be... he'll realize it.

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    • i called him and he said he missed me a lot but said its best we stop dating. said the last 5 days were hard for him but he knew that and was at a loss for words to tell me. said he was going to try to tell me over lunch today instead of last night on the phone when i called him

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