Guys, I'm curious to know if he will change his mind?

I was seeing this guy for about 6 months. I am a very independent person and focused on my career. He is too (we're both in the same field). I met him at this event and I really didn't have an interest in him. He kept pursuing me and I eventually started to like him. We have a lot in common and had so much fun together. We laughed about the same things, enjoyed the same interests/activities, his friends loved me, and both of our families loved each other. But both of us were very clear with each other that neither of us wanted a relationship and we were fine with that. But we acted like we were in one. So time went on, and naturally both of us developed feelings for each other. Well recently he became distant for a few days, then apologized for being a jerk and said he needed a breather and to take a step back. I asked him what he wanted to take a step back from and he said whatever it is that we have going. I've been down this road before with 2 guys and I didn't want this to linger and not progress. I finally realized that I actually did want a relationship but only with him. Nothing serious, just something with commitment and to keep it the way things were. I told him that and he said he thinks I'm amazing and wife material but he's just not ready for a relationship, is scared of commitment and getting hurt, etc. So I told him that I couldn't just be his friend or let this linger on, and that I had to move on. I could tell it upset him and he said things like "please don't do this, I care for you so much" "this hurts, I don't want to lose you" "I want to be here for you to count on" "I don't want to hurt you and I don't want us to be strangers" etc., etc. I told him that I just couldn't do it and it wouldn't be fair to both of us. I told him that I think it's hard for me to stick around because I think I love him. I told him he didn't have to say it back nor did I need him to. His response was that he cares so much for me and it made him feel really good that I felt that way about him but he just couldn't do a relationship right now. And that was pretty much it. I told him that we can't be in contact anymore. So I guess my question is, is there a chance that he could change his mind? I just need a guy to analyze this. I know he had strong feelings for me too, but I just don't know what to think of the situation I guess.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I have to disagree with "bobair" on this one having been down this road myself. But please - these are all opinions so in the end you have to choose the best decision for yourself. IMHO, the best, most lasting relationships - are not the ones built out of "love at fist sight" or any other hollywood movie material; but come from a developed love and respect of another person, who you have grown to know as a friend, and finally recognized all of the beauty, and have even learned to love the flaws - of this person, and finally realized you were in love with them. This sounds like your case to me. You need to figure out what you really want. Regrets hurt a lot more, when you start getting old..."It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

  • How will it feel to be with someone who you had to force into loving you back, by pushing him completely away first? Won't it feel... I don't know... less good than if he wanted what you wanted up front? Won't you have doubts that he's simply lonely?

    It's possible he'll come crawling back but the reality is that you're more mature and obviously self aware than he is. And so you pretty much deserve to seek out someone more your level.

    He's clearly saying that he loves how you make him feel, but that he wants to keep his other options open. I'm not sure how this makes you want him more... I hope you move on.

    It's likely a shitty situation for you, I hope you feel better soon!

    ~ Robby

    P. S. There's nothing as good at helping you get over an ex as meeting someone new worth getting to know.


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