I still love my ex but I don't know if I can deal with him?

Well my ex and I have been on friend terms and I just realized from a friend's point of view, that we are friends with benefits even though we still act like a couple. (This is what my friend told me how he sees our relationship.) I love my ex and he loves me (so he says and according to other friends) but we are not official and won't be because he will be going away. He feels that being in a long distance relationship won't work out and it's OK for me to find someone else, yet we still see each other. (I even told him I'd wait.)

Currently I got into a fight with him so I'm not talking to him. It is over the reasons why I was starting to hate him during the relationship as he is always a flirt and I'm always jealous. This time around he had said some things to a mutual girl friend of ours that were flirtatious and she even called him a flirt and he just smiled because he knows. There are other reasons that he knows I have a problem with but just never changed... so I felt he was not serious about my concerns... if I should be concerned at all. He tells me I should trust him but I can't if he does the SAME things that p*ssed me off. How could you trust someone if they give you no reason to trust them?

So he wants to know why I'm mad again and that he really wants us to be friends/work things out... I kind of think he's not using logic as to why I am angry with him AGAIN. Is he just playing dumb? He is upset with me for being mad at him and not telling him why... when all I know if I tell him why he might just laugh it off and say he was just joking around, as he always says.

Should I deal with this or what should I do to somehow get it in his head that I cannot be his friend or anything if he is still going to be this flirtatious pig that I loathe. I'm the type who wants a serious relationship... I have friends with the same values but they are just guy friends that I would never date (and have girlfriends!). I'm not looking for anyone at the moment because I know in my heart that I'm still in love with him... so I have done the no contact rule but he ends up asking why and why everyday that I'm mad at him when it's so obvious. At least it is to me.

And again, I do love him but there's those bad qualities that I'd love for him to change because it's the only way we can get along... That is by controlling his mouth or what he has to say to another girl whether he is in a relationship or dating someone... Or is he just immature to realize that his flirtatious ways are hurting me (and even past relationships had the same problems).


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  • You cannot change anyone but yourself. If that is his natural M.O. then that is what he will fall back on. If you want to deal with this then you need to talk to him about it, not assume he knows. If he does truly know that this behavior bothers you and continues with it, then you have to decide where to draw the line. Bottom line: You can decide the future of this. You can decide your behavior. You cannot make him change, he has to do that on his own and for his own reasons, not to keep you around. I know it's hard. :) Best wishes

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    • Thanks I'm still confused myself because I want him in my life but I don't know whether I can deal with this behavior. lol

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