She has no place to live (other than temporarily with kind friends), no job (she quit her great job in order to move across the country for her then-fiance to be closer to his new job), and being in her late 30's feels that she will be alone forever.
I know she's always kind of gone from guy to guy her whole life (security blankets!) and tried to mold herself around them to make a relationship work that wasn't supposed to.
Now that she's literally having to start from scratch, I want to find ways to help her figure out who she really is/what she really wants and help her focus on THAT, instead of being alone and focusing on that which will lead to depression.
What are some things I can say/do to pull her out of that rut and get her to focus on better things?
Most Helpful Girl
I am so sorry for your friend. I know what it means, I went through something similar not long ago. My fiancé broke up with me to be with someone else... we did not have a set wedding date, but we already had plans to get married in the next few months. It was a bad break up. I found myself unemployed, I had to move back with my parents to another city where I had no close friends, my life was upside down. I just could not stop asking myself why he did what he did - so cruel and so unexpected. I could not stop thinking of every single tiny detail of our relationship to figure out what happened. It drove me insane! I felt so alone. I got into depression. Some days I could not pull myself out of bed. I cried a lot. Dark times! I feel better now, almost a year after the break up!
It's very nice of you to care about your friend the way you do. Yes, suggest her to focus on loving herself, on finding her personal goals in life, and learning to be independent - because the best things come when you do not expect them! She will agree with you that that's the right thing to do, but she needs to be willing to act on it at her own pace. So I would recommend offering her an empathetic listening ear. This is what helped me the most: my mom, my cousin and a couple of good friends that were always there when I needed to talk. Be patient, she might repeat stuff over and over... I know sounds silly when you need to move on, right? But that's perhaps the way she processes the pain.
PS: that guy is a selfish a$$hole. And I am being kind.