Would it be wrong to contact an ex, and ask him what went wrong?

It's been a month and a half of no contact - would it be wrong to ask what went wrong in the relationship.

My break up was highly emotional. I mean he listed some reasons, but I think he wasn't thinking and we were both in the moment and acting without logic.

I mean would it be wrong to call and state how I feel.

Say something like...

"hey I no we haven't talked in a long time. I'm not sure what happened to us. I just felt like I got answers that made sense, but I just wanted to make sure I knew the reasons why we ended it. I know I never got to speak about it under rational terms. I was highly emotional, and I know I wasn't thinking with my head, but was overwhelmed and over emotional. I think I just need an explanation.

He tell me what went wrong. I will say thank you for letting me know that.

Ill say I'm truly sorry we never worked out. I'm glad I got to spend time with you while I did. You were a good friend, and I'm glad I got to share a lot of great memories with you. It was fun while it lasted. I know you'll be fine without me, as I will be fine without you. I wish you the best in life, and I hope the coast guard brings you everything you had hoped for. I'm sorry we didn't work out. I just wanted to say good bye one last time for good. I won't contact you anymore.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow your situation sounds like mine exactly. You still love him, want to tell him how you've changed and how it will work. Don't contact him. If he broke up with you, let him come to you. No emails, no texts. Once you start, it will not be as easy as you think to stop. You think you won't contact him anymore, but if he says anything at all he'll say something that gives you hope and it does not mean that he wants you back. Or him saying anything will make you think he will want to give you answers, even if he says he doesn't want to talk. You mostly likely will not get the answers you are looking for. In the back of your mind the only reason you want to talk to him is to see if there is any chance that you guys will work out. A break up is for a reason, but a lot of the time it doesn't make sense. There is no explanation that will make it ok. There are no right answers that please both people. He does not want to talk to you cause he does not to work things out. He feels guilty and while you mean well he will just run farther. As much as it hurts, both of you need space. I had a really emotional break up as well. He broke up with me by screaming a bunch of hurtful things in my face and refusing to talk to me about it the next day. We didn't speak for 3 weeks, then ran into each other at a party, I asked to talk to him for the same reason as you I wanted answers. All I got were general words, I can't handle it, I'm done etc. We've been back and forth for the past few weeks, I was having a hard time letting go. When I finally said I wanted to say goodbye, and let go, we planned on hanging out for the last time, and he completely is ignoring me now. Like we made plans for a certain day and everything. He never texts me back. I want answers to a million questions. I feel like I deserve that after how he has treated me. But he's doing what he wants to make it easier for him. All I want is a final goodbye too. But I'm not getting it, and believe me I've tried. It's not anything you can do, it's his fault. You have to find a way to get over it without him. I can't really answer how because I'm trying to find that same thing right now : /

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    • It's actually not really a problem for me. I texted him once since the break up, and called twice then after. Once was directly after the break up (day after) The second was an accidental dial with my touch screen. A month later I texted him asking him if I could talk(after the no contact), he said tonights not good maybe later in the week. I waited a week and half, and called. He blocked my number. Three days later, I delete all contact numbers, everything.

    • So here I am thinking. Ok things are over, I going to try to get over this guy. Three days later he reactivates his Facebook. We are still Facebook friends. I'm just waiting for the day he removes me as a friend. I've made a deal with myself. If, he chooses to never to speak to me in three months, and doesn't remove me as a friend, I'm deleting him as a friend. I've also made a pack to myself to not look at his profile until those 3 months are over. I'm still going to try and forget him.

    • Delete him as a friend now. Take some control over the situation. He blocked your number. He doesn't want to talk to you right now. So why should you wait around for three months hoping he will contact you on Facebook? I deleted my ex off of Facebook. He definitely noticed and made a comment to me about it. I showed him that if he didn't want me in his life, I didn't want him in mine either. Show him that like him you are moving on. If he wants to contact you someday, he can unblock your number.

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What Guys Said 2

  • i'd agree with the other reply... do it by e-mail. You've got nothing to lose basically and the info may help you out emotionally.

    I've done exactly the same myself before and its helped on some occasion and hasn't on others.

    best of luck sweetie x

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    • I'm just kind of afraid he won't reply mainly because he deleted his e-mail, and hasn't tried contacting me on aim. I did text him a week ago asking if I could call him, he said not tongiht because his great grandpa died the day before, and then said maybe later in the week. We dated for 2 years and talked everyday. I don't know, is e-mail really a good way to do it, or is a phone conversation better?

    • Show All
    • E-mail might be better.... at least for me if I was you. lets say he does give you some answers, but they are multiple or complex or something.

      during a phone call you'll be emotional and it'll be easy to forget something or to misremember later.

      if its by e-mail you can read it again later if you want. plus it will give him time to think about what he actually wants to say and not just fumble whatever comes to mind first.

      you can put that he can call you if he wants... good luck

    • Unfortunately your right, I might be too emotional. I still love him, and every part of me still wants him back. I mean, I want to talk to him, so I can tell him about my life. How I have become indpendent. He lost feelings for me - when we were arguing. I miss him terribly.

  • It seems like you have waited ample time after the break up and it's only natural that you want to close the book on that part of your life with some questions and answers. On that note, I would suggest you send an email, if you call him you may be catching him at a bad moment in which case he'll just think you're trying to bring up old emotions. It sounds like you guys haven't talked at all since the breakup so I would include in the email, "I respect our decision and don't want to do anything to jeopardize each of our new lives but rather just want to understand so that I don't make the same mistakes in the future."

    See how that goes, best of luck

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    • What if he doesn't respond? I mean this would be another final last phone call to a guy who I had talk to everyday for the past 2 years.

    • That is true, e-mail might owrk better, but then again, we've always talked on the phone. I mean I would like one last phone conversation with him. It might make him remember why he ever fell in love with me.

      I mean with e-mail: I lose the emotional appeal

      With phone conversation: I lose details

    • Seems like you are still in love with him even though he may not be with you. So I would doubly suggest that you don't call him. You probably will let too many emotions fly through and he'll just be turned off enough to stop talking to you completely. The other male poster made a good point, with emails you can look it over and he can make an informed response. Even if he deletes it you have your own answer right there. You just have to live with it :-/

What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds reasonable to me. If he doesn't answer the phone, leave a quick message asking for him to call you back and then just wait for that call. Don't call him again.

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