Is there something mentally wrong with me?

I'm with a perfect guy and I can't stop dwelling on my abusive ex. We broke up 8 months ago, I'm very happy with my new guy, but I don't feel the level of passion with him that I had with my ex, which was very special to me. There is very little passion in my new relationship and it makes me miss my ex despite how terrible he was because he was extremely passionate. This happens about once a month.

I don't know how to fix it or what's wrong. I feel that maybe my head is fucked up because of how bad he was to me, but I know that the passion was real and important to me in a relationship. My new guy is amazing, I love him, but I don't think he has that side to him.

What should I do? I feel so lost.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Passionate relationships will have extreme highs and extreme lows. That's what you're feeling, the extreme highs of your former relationship. However, those extreme lows was not able to create a healthy relationship.

    Looks tof me, what you have it a man that knows what you've been through is being that stable person in your life. Be honest with your current man and say you want to do more passionate things together.

    Not everyone is the same. You would not want him to compare you to his ex girlfriend. You come with your own set of positives and negatives.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Nothing is wrong with you. You're just comparing your prior relationship to your new one. I just feel like your past boyfriend was extremely passionate about abusing you after reading this. I might be wrong but i know it was very wrong of him to abuse you. Your new boyfriend probably has lot of passion, you just may not realize it. If he didn't have a lot of passion for you, you probably wouldn't have even loved him and considered him as a "perfect" guy to start off with. I think you're just confused right now but don't be yourself up, you sound like a great girl with an great guy. It sounds he is meant for you. I wish the best for you and a good luck into the future of your relationship with him :)

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  • No idea, that's on the mental level and something you need to figure out. Why do you like being treated like shit over treated nicely?

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  • You needed to move in and know they you are not gonna get what you always want...
    Ever thought that maybe there if no passion because you are stuck on your abusive ex?

    There is definitely something wrong with you... That you are so thinking about you abusive ex... so yes you are sick and need to get over that guy

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  • You sound like a typical woman, to be honest.

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What Girls Said 5

  • If it's once a month it could have something to do with your menstrual cycle. During Ovulation women tend to be more attracted to douches who have high testosterone levels, it's biological so don't worry too much about it. During your ovulation you could ask your boyfriend go be a bit more domineering so you won't miss your ex.

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    • You are an asshole..! Just saying😤😣

    • Well excuse me for trying to not say she has something mentally wrong with her. And it's a truth that some women react more strongly to their hormones that cause them to want abusive men. And I'm not saying it's a good thing. I'm just saying it's something that happens naturally so she shouldn't blame herself about it. Also I'm not telling her to cheat or go back to her ex because that would be awful. I just want her to be happy with herself and her relationship. There are too many unhappy people in the world.

  • I think you should spend more time healing from your past relationship. I think it feels nice to you to have a nice guy to be with, but it might not be the guy for you. If i where you I would break up with the new guy and start living life for yourself and healing from the abusive relationship again. I have been in the same place

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  • Hang on for a while.
    Some people need time to open up
    May be ur current boyfriend is that kind.
    Unless u don't spend enough time with him u can't say that he is not that good enough

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  • well golden rule always stray away from exes. No need for unnecessary drama

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  • What was the reason for your breakup with your ex?

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    • He prostituted women/men, dealt drugs, did drugs, alcoholic, unstable. That covers it.

    • Oh I think your brain mistakes excitement with passion. Don't think about your ex, the more you think the less you can actually focus on your current one so it'll be some kind of stupid cycle. If you really love your boyfriend try to bring passion, don't just wait it to appear out of the blue -sometimes you need to make a head start and it will follow afterwards. And don't compare your ex it's in vain and stupid to do so. Discover your boyfriend you'll love it :)

    • Yup! What she said.

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