Why did she cancel on me?

It's been a few months since my ex dumped me and about 2 months since we last talked in person, and during those 2 months we went no contact. About 2 weeks ago I contacted her to tell her it's time for her to pick up her stuff that she left at my house. I gave her a 2.5 week window for her to pick a day she wanted to come exchange our belongings (I gave 2.5 weeks because of the holiday weekend in case either of us went away). She picked last Tuesday and said she would come between 7-7:30 pm after her woman's golf league. At 6:15 pm, she texts me and cancels, says her league is taking longer because of back ups on the course, and asked if she could come the next night instead. I said no and that I had plans the next night, which I changed to accommodate her coming on Tuesday. When she asked why I changed my plans and that she could have came a different night, I told her I did it because this had gone on long enough, it wasn't helping either of us to prolong this, and that I just wanted to get it done. She mentioned she could come the following week, I said fine. She never took responsibility for canceling, only blaming it on her league. My question is why would she pick a night that she already had something going on? Anyone who plays golf knows there will be delays. Why didn't she just pick Wednesday from the start if she knew she was free that night? Do you think she planned to cancel and the league was just a convenient excuse? If so, why put on the charade? She told me she wanted her stuff back the multiple times I asked. She has had months to come get it but never reached out. When I asked why, she said she was giving me time/space to heal, then later said she forgot I had her stuff (one of these is a lie). She dumped me, it will obviously be awkward, but I've always been nice and wouldn't do anything mean. Why is she avoiding this? If she has moved on, why should she care if it's awkward for a few minutes? Why hasn't she scheduled a new day?


Most Helpful Girl

  • She is holding on to you still. It gives her some sort of reason to contact you and you also have visual reminders of her about the place. As already posted, she regrets dumping you and is not sure how to approach this.

    With regards to picking the Tuesday, it could be either that she was just thinking, I will show him that I have a busy life so I will have to come after I've played sport. She let herself down when she said that she could come on the Wednesday. Or he is hassling me so I will just pick a day early in the week.

    The letting you heal part is rubbish - she regrets it and wanted to leave her stuff at your house in case you made steps to get her back, etc. She's playing games a little bit.

    • If she regrets it, then why hasn't she contacted me to talk? When she dumped me, she knew how much I cared about her, she knew she blindsided me with the break up. She even met with me about a month later to talk in person because she knew I wanted to. She knew I wanted to be with her. If she actually wanted to be with me, why wouldn't she just say so? I was always very kind to her.

      Do you think she just feels guilty about what she did and is avoiding me so she doesn't have to take responsibility for her actions?

    • Sorry dude just logged back in. Sometimes guilt makes you do things you don't want to do and she knew how much she hurt you. I think back-tracking might be a difficult thing for her and going over everything again may be difficult for her. She might have just wanted a time out in the relationship but it ended up being a break-up instead. She sounds like she still needs a bit of time to come to terms with everything and I think she is wary of giving you the wrong impression. It's a difficult situation for you both with feelings still being right near the surface.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think she planned to cancel. Ultimately who knows why she's procrastinating. Maybe she feels awkward. Maybe... well who knows. I had a similar situation I gave an ex two weeks to collect his stuff. He picked a day and cancelled an hour before, asked to do the next day. I was working and frankly bloody annoyed. Maybe they just stop caring or maybe the filter where you make excuses for bad behaviour is gone. either way sounds like no loss to you. I'd drop her stuff off and move on if I were you, save yourself weeks of mucking around.

    • Thanks for the feedback. I was annoyed when she canceled. The thing is she told me multiple times in the past that she would come "soon" when we talked following the initial breakup. I don't want to drop it off to her because she owes me money, and because because she dumped me and I feel that she should finish what she started. The weird thing is that she introduced me to her mother 2 weeks before dumping me, and insisted I borrow her car for 2 weeks when I was in a car accident. Not sure why she did that then dumped me. She also stayed over my house 4 days before we broke up, I went to work, she hung out for a bit during the day, and didn't take any of her stuff home. Seems odd to leave your belongings behind if you are planning to dump someone. Do you think there is a chance that she will contact me to get her stuff? I'm planning to not contact her anymore. If she wants it, she can ask for it. I'm just really annoyed by her disrespect for me and my feelings.

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    • It's not enough money to deter her from coming. It's only $200. I paid for some clothes one day when she forgot her wallet in her other purse. When we were together she said she would pay me back. I never pushed because it wasn't important to me when we were together. She said she was going to bring my money when she planned to pick up her stuff. I just can't figure out if she never planned to come, it seems weird to pick a night when she had another event going on. Then offer to come the next night when she was free. Maybe she is playing games with me? It just seems pathetic and disrespectful. I treated her very well, and it is frustrating when people do not follow through with their promises. I would have rather her just tell me she didn't want her stuff, then I could just get rid of it with a clear conscience. She left spare car keys, a coffee maker, clothes, and some miscellaneous items. Odd items to leave behind, particularly the car keys.

    • Okay, so sorry but you are TOTALLY (sorry for capitals) over thinking this. People are really often awful after breakups. You need to rmember 1) you don't need yo concern yourself with her problems anymore 2) the beauty if breakups is that you get to say "who cares" about her issues. 3) you need to get out of your head. I can literally hear all the thoughts spinning round your head. Please please put everything in a big box labelled "not my problem" and move on with your life

  • she regretted it.


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