Divorce isn't finalized, and he doesn't want to get too close?

I have been living separated from my "husband" for about a year. The divorce papers are finally started. I have recently met someone and have been dating for about 6 weeks. I always go to my dates house, and tonight I finally asked him when is he going to come to my house. I felt that he was proceeding with caution as to not hurt me, and he hesitated to answer me, but finally told me that it was because he didn't want to cause problems with me and the "ex" and anything with the kids right now. I told him that there wasn't going to be problems, but he still didn't feel right interfering yet. I just said I couldn't force him to change his feelings, but tried reassuring him, and I didn't know how else to respond. He didn't say anything when I said I didn't know how to respond to him. (He has been very good to me throughout our short relationship that we are having. He has been trying to help me with the divorce but not forcing anything, just giving advice and ways to help me down the road with advice. He knows when I am sounding like something is wrong, we share all kinds of personal information).

After we had this brief discussion on his feelings, there was a very long pause and he said "do you still want to call me tonight or have I made you so mad you don't want to speak to me again?"

How do I respond to this or don't I? Generally I tend to overreact to everything, but this time I was going with my gut feeling and telling myself to respect his feelings and just proceed with our relationship as we were.

Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated.


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  • I just want to repeat: he sounds like a decent man and if you want to make it work, you have to make the 110% effort to not overreact. I know you're going through a difficult time, and whenever I'm feeling unstable and I meet someone great I'm usually cursing the gods for sending this person to me when I'm a mess, but you have to separate him from the problems you have now and the problems you had with the ex.

    He is respecting you and your life, which is exactly what we ladies always say we want. I'm unclear what exactly you want from him, and maybe you should decide that before you make any decisions or confront him? Are you just worried that he hasn't tried to stay at your place yet? If that's all it is, learn when to choose your battles and realize he has a legit reason for not wanting to go there just yet.

    And congrats on finding a new relationship and a cool guy so soon :)

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  • He sounds like a great guy you should stick with him! He's been with you for support and obviously isn't playing you. You have to also take his feelings into consideration and your childrens. You guys aren't anything long term, yet, and I don't know if you plan on it. So bringing him to your house is a little risky for him emotionally. He'll get there eventually just give him time and also your self. Your going through a divorce take it easy with this relationship as to not cause more stress as I imagine your feeling.

    I'm sorry to hear about your divorce but everything always works out for the better.

    Best of luck!

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