Mr. Ex is giving me a nervous breakdown?

My ex and I were very close. He was my best friend, my partner in crime. We got into a fight and he broke up with me telling me it isn't healthy to fight. He is about to start a docorate program that fall and I will be getting my masters at the same school this fall. He broke my heart. He said he gave his last chance and that I hurt him and he needs time.

I haven't spoken to him in about 20 days or so but the last time we spoke he accused me of making a fake online dating profile to find out what he was up to. I told him the truth that I hadn't but he said his friend John thinks I did because this person messaged both of them. Whatever. I've now been accused by John that I had a friend of mine text my ex to get info over the weekend.

Part of me feels like i need to just clear the air and tell him I haven't lied and have just let him be but the other part tells me don't say a word and feed into the drama.

I read this in a book and I find it so true for this situation "Arguments and disagreements not only test a relationship, but also how strong one is. If he's not willing to have a hard conversation with you to work out conflicts then cut him out and move on. You want a man that is a rock of strength not one that vanishes at the first sign of trouble. Relationships take two people willing to occasionally set their prise aside and admit when they're wrong, or that they made a mistake."

I want to text him that but I feel all it will do is feed his ego thinking I'm at home all day pinging over him. Admittitly I do miss him everyday and somewhere inside I do hope for a reconcilliation once school starts. I just don't know how?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I agree with both of you. Him for setting final boundaries, and you for using arguments and disagreements as a metric for the strength and quality of the relationship. He may have set those boundaries too close. Well, whatever, his mistake then. As a guy who has been married longer that I even bother to write here, I can definitely say that patience and forgiveness are needed in colossal amounts by both parties.

    On some level he might have feelings for you and is personifying them through this other entity on an online dating site. Don't just send him messages. You call his ass and sit him down, 1 on 1, in a cafe or wherever you choose, and let him know that you have not communicated with him online or otherwise since the breakup, nor have you messaged this John fellow. You can look him in the eye and tell him that he can either take you for a liar, or he can accept the truth. If he takes you for a liar, then you know that your business with him is finished, because a relationship cannot be built without trust. If he accepts the truth, then you will have the matter behind you. You do not need to reconile there. You can if you want. He can if he wants. But after the truth is settled, feel free to walk out of his life for good if you think that is what you need to do. Tell him you respect his standards and boundaries, and if he can't continue with you then you're going to let him have his wishes.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I agree with Pedantic. I too have been married for... a lot of years! My current wife and I have had some seriously nuclear arguments. It takes a ton of effort on both her and my parts to drop the pride thing, see the truth (whether ya like it or not, it IS THE TRUTH), and work things out or walk away. Since both her and I were previously married, we both know and understand what the big D is all about.

    I do have one correction for what your ex said. It isn't healthy when you argue in an unhealthy or illogical way. Arguments do test your resolve FOR each other. So far, my wife and I have stayed with each other longer than we did with our ex's. It hasn't always been easy but I'd rather argue with her than make love with someone who doesn't want to fight for the relationship.

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What Girls Said 1

  • dont tell him anything.

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    • How do I go about a reconciliation?

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