What will happen to our relationship after my boyfriend moves across the ocean for three years? He still has feelings, but is not following them?

My boyfriend of over a year is moving to Cameroon for a two-and-a-half year assignment. He is an older man, and this is an excellent opportunity for his career, and I totally support him. I work with him, but my contract will expire in a year. So, I have to find another job. My field is international relations, and could move anywhere, by the way.

He doesn't seem keen on maintaining a long distance relationship, but I know he still has feelings and is suppressing. Going back to him being on the fence--we actually took three breaks from each other in the past four months. These were brought on by the tension of the upcoming move and us questioning our future. At the moment, we are giving each other space. As recommended, we're doing 'no contact.' But he always seems to come back. That's seriously up in the air this time as his departure looms closer.

This last time, after our longest break (a month and a half), we had a deep heart to heart conversation where we owned up to our faults. He said he missed me. Very quickly, we were as we were before, acting as we did when things were good. He led on with kissing, hugging, flirting, and frequent communication. We reminisced of the past and looked ahead as well. The attraction has been so strong. This went on for weeks until hesitation on his part crept up. That's how we got to where we are now--taking another break. He's got cold feet, wondering where sticking together will take us.

He may have strong feelings for me, but heavy doubts about maintaining a long distance relationship. I know it's a lot to ask of someone to stay in one of these, but he also would be traveling back to the States a bit because of his family and consultations with headquarters.

I love remembering how absolutely persistent he was, pursuing me for seven months before we started seriously dating. He would do anything to be with me then. Now his days here are numbered. With every passing day, he gets busier with the move logistics and the mental preparation. I must be the last thing on his mind.

At what point do you give up?

What do we do with the weeks he has left here? I want the time we have left together to be meaningful. I want to be there for him, to help him emotionally or logistically, with preparations for his move, but I am also afraid he won't let me since he'll think it will make things harder for us.

How do you let go of someone you're still in love with?


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  • if he truly loves you, he'll wait.

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  • it won't work out.

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