My ex and I ended our relationship about 3 weeks ago mutually. We both decided that we need time and space to work on ourselves. I had gained weight over the 6 1/2 years we were together and had not felt very great about myself. Which made it had to have a sex life. I got stuck in na rut career wise and just hadn't been motivated enough. He has his issues as well but altogether our relationship was great. I talked to him 2 weeks after we broke up and he stated that he was happy and less stressed that I wasn't there ( talk about a knife right through the cheat) I know he is hurting as well and I know he loves me. I found out when we broke up that he has been communicating with a girl and either is having sex with her or is trying to. I have asked him about this and he denies it but I have proof which I showed him. He says he loves me which is really hard for me to stomach because how can you love someone and sleep with another. I'm so confused and hurt that I don't know what to do. I slept with him recently and it was amazing but after he left my heart just was crushed all over again. My main goal is to be in a relationship again I have been working extremely hard on myself to prove that I will do anything to reconcile. I have decided not to sleep with him anymore and to have no contact with him for a couple months. I know that's for the best but I can't help but think.. If we do talk will he not love me anymore.. What if he falls for someone... What if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.. etc. I do not loosely use the love word I love him plain and simple he is my family. How do you move on from that?
Most Helpful Guy
What do you expect to accomplish with this new decision? If either of you wanted to be with each other you would fight for the relationship. You would go to individual and couples therapy. Gaining weight is an excuse. People gain weight all the time. If you love someone weight really doesn't matter unless your talking over the top 400lbs and up stuff. If so, you look into other alternatives. I fought as hard as I could for 3 years to keep my family together. But the most valuable lesson I learned was one persons love is not enough to keep a family together. either both of you want it or it doesn't work. It sucks. It took about a year after the divorce and a lot of therapy to get me to the point of 'radical acceptance" . it is done, there is nothing I can do about it, I will never understand why, so I either wallow around in self pity or man up and move forward with my life. so that is what I did. I found a woman that I fell in love with after many dates when I just wasn't ready.
so you need to decide how to live your life. Will there be anything you regret later in life. I know that I did absolutely everything I could possibly do to keep us together. I have no regrets.
if nothing else, look into retrouvaille. org
they have funds for people who cannot afford it so you cannot use money as an excuse. if both of you are willing to try and save your marriage, that is the best place you can start.0
Most Helpful Girl
Just because two people Breakup doesn't mean they can't and don't Makeup and that it is Good-bye forever, my love. And with an "EX" who still Marks an X in your own softie spot here, dear, there willl come a time, as you have saw for yourself, when many Times... I slept with him recently.
You both did the Absolute Right thing and the 'Biggest mistake of my life' would have been if you both stayed in this unhealthy relationship with you him and you Feeling the way you do and it going down eventually a badly beaten path of what I refer to as "Full circle problem pattern" that would have just Continued.
He has admitted, at least for now, for it hasn't been long enough for him see he is Missing the Kissing or won't Admit openly that he does, that he is 'Communicating with a girl' and it seems to me that he is Out there now, being split from you, he is doing his own thing, being a free bird and Not Into being birds of a feather.
Many times when two people break it off, the guy wants his sweet cake and Eat it Two. This means he still wants you in his life without all the strife and finds more comfort in a Friends with benefits raw deal than with a Real deal of being hooked at the hip again.
Don't give in again, keep him for now out of harm's way and don't wear your heart on your sleeve for him. Try and focus on you, lick your war wounds and don't sit by the cell phone waiting for something that may end up in what I also call a "Triangle threesome," where you are at the top, looking down, from side to side, at Him And... Whoever he is talking to at the moment.
Don't get caught up in this. Stick to your guns, you have seen the smoke and it is stinging you but at the moment, it is also Ringing in your ears that you 'Have decided not to sleep with him anymore and have no contact for a couple of months.'
He does still care, I will not find fault, but not enough to come back with his tail between his legs. And with your strong decision, if he does contact you, be on your guard because he may not want to be the Way we Were but instead sweet talk you again Into Friends with benefits and let's go slow for now.
It's always a gamble when two people Breakup and yes, they could Fall 'For someone,' but it's Mother Nature and her magic of Chemistry between two people.
You are a girl who has enough love to go around but he is at his point in his life where he is spreading his wings so don't get caught between a rock and a hard place.
Good luck. xx0