Shutting down and shutting off?

So my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years told me three months ago that she has 'shut down'. When asked what that meant she gave me some vague conversation. During that conversation I was very direct and clear with my questions to her. She either refused to answer or she couldn't answer. For the next 3 months she continued to reach out to me every other week. I only reached out to her a few times but she did most of the initiation.

During our our three months apart, especially during the first few weeks she started reaching out to some of my close girl friends (their married), made FB comments and like. (Nothing major). Just a note, she rarely did this when we were together. I find this odd. She also started sending out LinkedIn requests to some of my friends.

During this time she would not tell me any real reason as to why she broke-up. I asked when I could but never continued the questioning unless I got a response. For the past 2 1/2 years I was like a father to her two kids because their fathers were not in the picture. When she ended things I sent her a note telling her that:

( I understood her feelings and the set boundaries. I thanked her for letting me be apart of her family and that I was glad that she had become apart of mine. I told her that it meant a lot to have the time I did with her children and how important that was to me. I told her that I loved her and that was it).

She he never reciprocated anything in regards to the positive aspects of our relationship. A week prior to her ending things we discussed living together and she told me how thankful she was to have me in her life and how much she loved me.

She ended the relationship but wanted to remain friends and to check up on me now and again. She reached out often telling me things that would give me hope. She picked her words very well. She knew what would work on me.

I started the process of moving on so I started the process of hiding our photos from FB. She noticed that and unfriend me. I changed my profile pick which included me and to two other women (just friends). She then blocked me and 4 others from FB.

She made the choice to leave and I waited for her until she put a profile on a dating site. I think that's reasonable. She removed her dating profile once she saw my new profile pic at least I noticed it on the same day.

Whats her issue? What happen to wanting to be friends? Or did she only want to be friends until she found someone else or saw me with someone?


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What Girls Said 1

  • This woman sounds far too complicated and I wouldn't waste any more of my energy on her. It sounds like you've been very mature, trying to be respectable and friendly in a ridiculous situation. Meanwhile she's turning your relationship into a game of cat and mouse. That may have worked back in high school, but you two are grown adults. Let her be childish to someone else.

    • Thank you for your thoughts! That is exactly what I'm trying to do. It's tough to realize these things about someone you talked about marrying. She seems emotionally broken or incapable of carrying on a relationship once the 'new car smell' is gone.

    • "New car smell". I've never heard the authenticity referenced like that but I'll definitely have to quote it one day lol very cool. I totally understand through, it's hard to break free of someone that you've invested so much time in and loved to that extent. Honestly though, I'd rather suffer away from her with my hands clean rather than suffer with her watching me bleed. Let her throw those mind games at some other poor soul..

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